When my step-father was first diagnosed with prostate cancer in the mid 90s, it was scary but treatable. He beat it that time. Then seven years later, he had a cancerous tumor in his kidney. It was very serious, but also contained. He had surgery to remove the infected kidney. They got it all that time too.
Several weeks ago, however, there were some strange shadows on one of his annual routine tests. Further tests confirmed that there was a mass on his adrenal gland and also in an area near his lungs. This time the cancer is inoperable.
While waiting for these latest biopsy results, I just expected it to be another round of surgery and another temporary vacation from cancer. That's the thing with cancer, it's quiet for a while, but it never really leaves. It seems to pay a visit every now and then, just to remind you that it's there.
Unfortunately, it's moved in and taken-up permanent residence this time.
I found out two weeks ago that my step-father was given 2-3 years. The shock of the whole thing has passed. I've had my really good cry. Some days I revert to tears and other days I am numb. I think about all the things one can do in two or three years. I also think about friends and acquaintances that are given and have been given much shorter life expectancies with their diagnosis. I think about my mother and her being left alone.
He's not currently symptomatic and has been given some type of pills that are supposed to stunt the cancer growth. We'll know in a few weeks if these medications are doing their job or not.
Regardless, I plan on spending a lot of time in South Carolina.
Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.
- Albert Einstein
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Comments: 56
Hugs~
Just reading your news makes me want to cry& my eyes are tearing up.
How you mentioned expectations....I was lulled by this type of expectations with my Mom as well. She had so many things fixed (health-wise), and made it through - we were hoping, praying, believing that everything would be ok.
I am here for you, and if you ever need anything, even to talk, email me & I'm there.
I do plan to spend a lot of time with him. I wrote this article mainly just to write it down.
You would have to know him, but he's also the type of person to make the best of things once the initial shock has worn off. He's now cracking jokes about his meds and plans to make his own bucket list. My mother has already told him that eventhough he's dying there is no way she's jumping out of any airplanes, lol.
I'm looking forward to my visit at the end of the month.
I like to do the same, release a bit of the conflict bubbling up inside.
One part of me would be glad to know about the time that is left, so I can make the best of it with my loved one, another side would be shaking her fist at the sky...asking why this way?
You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Big hugs for you.
Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
{{{HUGS}}}
Words truly fail me right now. My heart goes out to you and those are not just words that i'm writing. I mean it! It has to be a shock. You never know what life is going to throw in your path and I write that as someone who thought someone in her 90s would be gone before the nurse caring for her died of a massive heart attack. It was a shock as we were all so fond of the nurse, like a member of the family.
I hope you find the time to care for yourself as well and have a good strong support group of friends and family. It sounds like you do. I'm wishing you all the best. I can't think of a better person for your stepfather to have around right now, not after you wrote so lovingly of him here.
J's right, there's no words for this. Do remember to take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of your mom and stepdad. And you might want to look and see if there is a Wellness Center in his area. These are sponsored by the American Cancer Society and provide a lot of real, valuable information and support for cancer patients and their families.
I'm just checking back. I was thinking of you after I read this - throughout the day yesterday.
I lost my father-in-law June 9, 2005 because of lung cancer. It was a long, tiring road for him - for all of us, and it was not an easy one.
My prayers are with all of you, and my mail room is always open.
First you did an excellent job writing in a serial style. Considering the subject it was probably the best way for you to do it. Waiting for you to put all this out has given me a better perspective on your life and added to the appreciation of who you are loosing. They say the only good things in life are those things you have to work for. This certainly applies to your relationship with the man previously known as Barnyard Bill. I understand a lot of the dynamics that you went through with Bill, your Mom and even your biological father, because my parents split during my teens as well and of course there was a lot of misplaced anger for a long time. I think no matter what you would have become Bill's friend eventually, but allowing yourself to be his daughter is the best outcome of all. I am sorry Cancer can't take a hint and leave the man alone, but God gives us all tools that we need for our life. Bill has a woman that loves him very much and he has a daughter that is strong enough to put herself aside for a while and make him comfortable.