He danced to her table
Handed her a note
Though they had never spoken
This moment of simplicity
Soon led to their love
He was just a stranger
Lost upon his way
To find some hereafter
But cosmic force led him astray
Where he intended not to stay
This dusty early morning
In a town quiet with calm
And not one place seemed open
But a light beckoned to all
Just a small diner in the misty fog
He sat down in the corner
Got out his change and was short
Guess I'll just have coffee
He told the waitress with a smile
But eyes watching so full of guile
Came up to him holding a folded note
Said here's five dollars with a catch
Just a simple favor is all I ask
This note's for that lady sitting over there
Who sat all alone in lovely solitaire
He was hungry there was no doubt
And money tempted as he agreed
And took the note to this lady
Whose eyes seared into his soul
His coffee came then he again sat alone
He saw her argue with this man
With the note held ripped in her hand
The man stomped out and there she stood
He could not help but say these words
I'm sorry Miss for your misery
She turned on him with eyes of fire
Are you the flunky for that liar
He was speechless could not speak
She saw his face and then calmed down
As her next words was like a dove's soft coo
She said may I join you
And then this story unfolds
He told her all about the timely note
Soon she was laughing but had to leave
Gave him her number like a warm breeze
So this lonely drifter found a job
And earned respect for he worked hard
And then he called her one afternoon
It wasn't long till their loved bloomed
And about the note it simply said I love you
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Comments: 39
"He was just a stranger
Lost upon his way
To find some hereafter"
I don't critique syllables or rhymes - leave that to others. But I love the humor that shines through and the happy end. Have to admit, I'm always a sucker for a Happy End...
Brain Freeze A Bipolar Depressive Issue
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A Cinquain is a five line poem. BUT...
line one: one word (subject or noun)
line two: two words, (adjectives) that describe line 1
line three: three words, (action verbs) that relate to line 1
line four: four words, (feelings or a complete sentence) that relates to line 1
line five: one word, (synonym of line 1 or a word that sums it up)
Perhaps there are other types of Cinquain...I don't know...what ever...your poem is good and I enjoyed reading it. Really liked the ending!
And I can see it...
the place:Rick's Diner ~ Barbara Stanwyk,Robert Mitchum(the '40's..my era!) and the jerk can be played by Sam Elliot... Right Elsie!? lol!ok I know ,different era....
I like what you can do in Cinquain form,William. Your ability is limitless...
I bet you could re-work that Limerick starring that Man from Nantucket and make it something of beauty AND socially acceptable. That is the genius of your poetic prowess.
beautiful
Please, dear friend, don't give my little mote any credit for your classic piece...in style and content.
Beneath that veneer of humour lies a great writer. We're discovering this week after week.
Your structure was superb.Well done.
By the time I got to the end I forgot the comment
I wanted to make.
a) That line that Marge spoke about above.
b) V1 L2 : AND handed her a note.
c) V2 L4 : To where he did not want to stay
d) V4 L2 : Got out his change BUT was short
e) V4 L4 : But eyes LOOKING full of guilt
f) V5 L1 : WENT TO A MAN holding HIS note
g)V5 L4 : THE ONE THAT"S SITTING ALL ALONE
h)V6 L 1 : THAT he was hungry there was no doubt
i) V6 L2 : WITH MONEY TEMPTING he agreed
j) V10 L3 : It wasn't long BEFORE LOVE bloomed
k)V10 L4 : WHEN SHE HEARD THAT THE NOTE SAID I LOVE YOU
Bill, when you've read this, why don't you press the delete button. Go well.
witty poem, three words 'I Love You'. Wow!