Growing up with vampires

The home might be a good idea not only for her, but yourself...............I wish that I could be of some help for you Carol. You do not deserve the strife that is in your life as of now. You went through enough when you were suppose to be a child, enjoying children joys.
Please consider freeing yourself. Take care of yourself. Thx for sharing...:O)

Once upon a time I had a husband that sucked the life out of me. We let each other go. Now we are both happy (at least happier), and I see him in a gentler light, softened as it is by time and distance.

Both of my parents are gone now, it took me a long time to forgive my mom for letting my dad abuse us. I wasted alot of time being angry I can say I love them both dearly and miss them. It does affect us into adulthood I don't care want anyone says

Don't let your mother do that to you at any old age. You don't owe her anything - but maybe not to murder her.

Nursing homes are good (unless it's a really bad one) - they NURSE. The worse thing about them is they cost so much. The good thing about them is old people have company and peers around them that make them behave (unless they think it's okay to always act badly around anybody and everybody).

It's amazing how strong family ties can be. Despite growing up in an abusive home, children still love their parents and feel an obligation to take care of them. Mabye not always, but a lot of the time.
Carol, just stop and think. Abused women, like your mother, may not always have a choice to leave. Abuse starts out with mind games and making the abused feel worthless and unable to do anything right. They become dependant on their abuser and feel trapped. The years of abuse have hardend her. I know you love her, but try to have compassion and pity for her. She was as much of a victim as you were/are.
If you decide to put her in a home, don't put her in it out of spite. Do it lovingly and let her know that she is in your best interest.
My heart goes out to you,Carol. I feel so badly for you. I can just imagine how difficult this is.

Please open your heart and do what is right for your mother. No one was worse than my mother, but in the final years of her life I learned to love her despite her flaws.

I understand and feel your pain. I don't know how well I would handle it if I had to take care of my mother. Both my parents are gone now, yet the damage inflicted by my mother in particular left a permanent scar. I agree with Vivian, it does affect us into adulthood and unfortunately our parents don't always grow to be better people, if anything they often get worse as if it's their right to make everyone around them miserable.

My parents could afford an assisted living home and the care was great and like Peter said they had peers to visit. Of course it was quitte a drain on the bank account but it was for the best I had to take my grand daughter in at the time and the two wouldn't mix. It lower my inheritance but it was their money.

Maybe you SHOULD move her into a home.

Oh dear. I agree about the home except that would probably be more expensive.

I'm sorry. My grandma was a vampire so I can relate. Grandma Witch would start fights between her kids and sit back and watch the fallout. When she moved in with us, she'd do the same thing betweeny my parents and between me and my parents. A few of the older grandkids remember her this way. But the grandkids of her favorite children just remember a sweet kind and giving woman. So whenever we are all together I have to bite my tongue and draw blood so I don't say the wrong thing to the wrong person.

When she died, my uncle had all of her stuff at her house. Surprisingly, they invited my mom and I out to go through her stuff when they divided it all up. I have several of her cookbooks and jewelry. I'm sure that she's having kittens about that in heaven everytime I used something of hers.

For the most part, I get along with my parents. Whenever we do go to visit them, I become the parent and have keep separating them so they don't argue. When did I become the grown up????

My parents were also vampires -- very vicious and very mean vampires. My childhood was a mess and it took me a long time to get past that. My father died several years ago of a sudden heart attack, my mother is still alive although we have not spoken in many, many years. I honestly can say that I would not be able to bring myself to care for her if I was asked -- she would have to either go to a nursing home or rely on my brothers who she always wanted more then me anyway and who (I think) should deal with her. Fortunately it is unlikely that she would even ask me since that would require actually speaking to me and she has not spoken more then a dozen (civil) words to me in my entire life!

My mother fits in this catagory, too. I am the youngest of 4 kids and moved far away almost 30 years ago, so I do not have to deal with her often anymore. My brother is the one who is now trying to get her to stop driving and is going to have to get a power of attorney to take over her financial affairs because she is getting too forgetful to do these things herself, but refuses to accept help.

She was abusive and mean and ugly and never has been able to understand why we don't visit more often. Each time I visit i wonder why I bother to even try because nothing I or anyone else ever does is the right thing or good enough.

We tried over the years to tell her how we feel, but she refuses to acknowledge that she hurt us physically or emotionally or to ever think of anyone but herself. We gave up years ago, and yet my sisters and I still try to act like we care and communicate with her once in awhile. Now that her mind is starting to go it is somewhat of a relief.

As others said, a care home is probably the best place for your mother and probably for mine too. I am sure it will be an ugly scene when my brother has to make that move. I am so glad I will not have to be there to be involved.

I am thankful to say that all four of us kids learned from our negative upbringing and are different people that our mother was. We are all much more caring and compassionate and kinder.

I'm sorry, I had parents like that when I was growing up too and they both drank heavily too and they both beat my brother and I. It was bad. I am so sorry but I have to agree with Peter, you don't owe your mother to take care of her day in and day out. Your top priority is YOUR family and it sounds like your mother would suck them of life's joys as well. A nursing home is not a terrible place to be. My grandmother (who is very evil) is in one and enjoys it as much as she will let herself. All her meals are prepared, she has company, a roommate, activities, parties, constant medical monitoring, and she's safe and not draining the family emotionally dry. My parents go to visit her. It isn't a death sentence for my grandmother. That's just what's happening in my family. I hope you will be ok.

I am working out with my mom,, she is ill right now, and yet I still love her,, we are working on an assistance living, for her,, she dont want me to get any sicker then I am on her account,,,,

First it was my parents, then it was husbands.
All are gone from my life now and I am much happier (and wiser)(and stronger) for the experiences. From everything we learn and grow. I guess I wouldn't be me if I hadn't went through what I did.
"And this too shall pass."

just DON'T DO IT TO YOUR KIDS,LOL!

Carol, this was an important reminder to all parents that their actions and inactions have long standing effects and ramifications.

My father fit this description. In fact, I tell some people that he was a psychic vampire because I was literally physically sick when he left at times. I had such mixed feelings when he died in 2002...many guilt feelings also. I have realized that my abuse did not end when childhood ended, it just became a different type.

Good luck in your dealings as it is so hard to cut them loose. But you really must because your life is so important.

I, too, share your story. Except my father is dead and my mother lives alone in TN near the rest of her family.

Thanks to all for sharing so honestly.
Thanks for the udpate.

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Sad. Wishing you well.

I didn't have vampires. I wish I did. It would have made all those nights pulling the covers over my head mean something...

Carol, I can feel your pain. I have a mother who devoted her life (or so it seemed to me) to removing anything from my life that gave me pleasure. She's stilll like that. Don't want to go on and on about it, just wanted to let you know there are people who understand what you're feeling.

My Mom died in '76 and Dad in '80 both before I was 30. I miss them dearly even though they fought like cats and dogs when we were young. I have many friends in your predicament too. I will pray for understanding for your family.

My Dad drank a lot when I was a child, and he was verbally abusive to my mother, my brother and I. It's taken a lot of time to heal my relationships with my Mom and Dad... My Dad doesn't drink as often, and I can be around him for short periods of time. (This is going to be interesting, as my kids and I are moving in with he and my stepmom next month, so I can find another place for us to live that's bigger!) And I have finally forgiven my Mother for putting up with my Dad's stuff and allowing him to treat us the way he did.

I am tiny like a leprechaun, barely 5 feet tall.
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So here on the eve of St Paddy’s Day, with all the Irish Luck.
Here’s hoping you get enough points today to make at least a buck!
Happy Monday!


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