by B F.
Member since:
December 2, 2005

Parenting Etiquette Question...

November 13, 2008 10:53 PM EST
views: 69 | rating: 10/10 (10 votes) | comments: 25

My daughter brought home another birthday party invitation today.  This one parent in particular is keen on putting lists on the invitations.  The first year I thought it was since the school year had just started and no one really knew anyone all that well (back in Pre-K).  Now we are in 2nd grade and here we go again with the list...

The lists used to say "I want" and this time it says "I like"...  However is it rude for the parent to put on the invitation "I like gift cards, size 8 clothes, and girly skulls"?

I feel like I have been put into a box of those 3 options and I don't like it.  The mother is the one who wrote this, but I feel less enthusiasm about taking my child to get a gift for the birthday girl as well as to the party.

So do you view this practice as a kind convenience or a rude demand?

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Comments: 25

What an odd list for a children's party. Those are the types of things I would give as suggestions to relatives- when they ask. I would have your daughter ask the child what SHE likes. Clothing? What child wants clothing at that age from other kids?

And I would consider it gift grubbing- asking for gifts. Everyone expects that they'll be giving a gift if they attend a birthday, but no one wants to be told what to bring.
Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Nov 13, 2008, 11:08pm EST
It is tacky to ever put gift requests (or mentions of baby or wedding registries) on any invitation.
Amy H. Nov 13, 2008, 11:11pm EST
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Heather C. Nov 13, 2008, 11:12pm EST
I have never heard of doing this. I think it is absurd. Children like surprises. I have often called the mother to find out if they liked something Hello Kitty but now that my daughter is older she knows better what her friends want. This Mother sounds over the top to me.
Rob Appell Nov 13, 2008, 11:13pm EST
Sounds like the mother (or parents) are too cheap to buy what their daughter needs and want others to take care of it. If your daughter goes to the party, I'd ignore the 'request' list and buy the child whatever you'd like...or your daughter would like to give her...for her birthday. It's very tacky and extremely nervy.
B F. Nov 13, 2008, 11:17pm EST
Princess~ it is an odd list for an 8 year old
Heather~ that is what I thought
Amy~ hi
Heather~ I usually call if my child and I don't have a clue. My daughter wanted to get her an mp3 player and I was going to and now I am reconsidering...
B F. Nov 13, 2008, 11:19pm EST
Rob~They buy just about everything for their girls and then they let them wear it/play with it for 2 weeks. Once the 2 weeks is up, they put it on Ebay and buy new again. Most of the parents don't know that, but I do.
Aimee "I Love Points" K. Nov 13, 2008, 11:22pm EST
I am not sure what I would do! Thanks for posting!
The Red Headed Witch of Gather G. Nov 13, 2008, 11:23pm EST
That is kind of odd.

However, in regards to the poster above who said not to put registry information in wedding,etc. invitations, I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where there wasn't any registry information included in the invitation.
Jody Swaney Nov 13, 2008, 11:31pm EST
It is odd. However when I took my son to a birthday party for one of his friends after we spent quite a lot of time choosing her gift, I was shocked to hear him tell me that several of her party guests hadn't brought gifts at all. That's harsh too. I would never allow my son to attend a Birthday party without wearing nice clean clothes and having a gift in hand. I spoke to the girls mother on the phone after we received the invitation and ask for her suggestions for a gift, It would have seemed like gift grubbing had she just included a shopping list with the invite.

JS
Monica H. Nov 13, 2008, 11:40pm EST
I think that's pretty odd to put a list of stuff the child wants in the invitation. I would go to the store and buy whatever my daughter and I wanted to get for the party.

Also---commenting on what someone said above----I don't think it's tacky at all to put gift registries in for a wedding shower/baby shower. That is common where I live. We are showering the baby or couple with things they need. I think it's great to have the registry, then they don't end up with 20 toasters or baby rattles.
Vicky Duggins Nov 14, 2008, 1:27am EST
I think it's just plain rude. If your child insists on going to the party, I'd send her with a modest gift that your child wants to give, not something dictated on the invitation.
Amanda C. Nov 14, 2008, 10:02am EST
Well I think it is odd and a bit rude. Granted when I was younger I know people didn't do that kind of thing, and my daughter isn't into school yet, but I would NEVER put a list into my childs bday party invite.

I do understand for baby showers and weddings, because usually those are gifts that the person/couple needs and most of the time the attendants will want to know where the mother, or couple is registered anyways, but not for a bday.
Dorine H. Nov 14, 2008, 12:31pm EST
Obnoxious, tacky and rude. If your daughter isn't enthusiasti cabout going to the party, don't urge her. If she really wants to go, let her choose a present from what *she* wants to give!
Denise E. Nov 14, 2008, 12:44pm EST
I could see how you could feel restricted or that you've been demanded to buy. The first thing I ask my daughter when we go shopping for her friend's birthday is, "What do they like?" Still in 3rd grade I don't always get a clear answer. This mother may have experienced this too and might want to help other parents, and may have received possitive feedback in the past which may have encourage her to continue. I don't think parents intentionally try to be rude to the children invited to their child's birthday party (or their parents). If it bothers you, you may want to gently bring this to her attention. She might not have thought of it from that angle.
B F. Nov 14, 2008, 7:23pm EST
I see the majority agree to a point...
Kim M. Nov 14, 2008, 9:15pm EST
I do agree it's kind of rude but I can see Denise's point as well. It may just be that the mother did receive positive reinforcement after doing it last year so thought she'd do it again. Maybe if her daugther doesn't receive everythign taht's written down she won't do it next year.
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edna r. Nov 15, 2008, 2:17pm EST
I never heard of putting a list on a child's birthday invitation. Personally, I would ignore the list. I would take my daughter shopping and help her find an appropriate present. (I think bridal and baby registries are fine, but a child's birthday list on an invitation - no way.)
Kat W. Nov 16, 2008, 12:33pm EST
I think this is very rude and honestly, a bit weird. Like the others have suggested, ignore the list if this is a party your daughter wants to attend.
DIANE D. Nov 16, 2008, 6:59pm EST
I think f is your childs freind, your child would like to pick the gift and would know what that child likes.
DIANE D. Nov 16, 2008, 7:00pm EST
a ten I send
Tricia C. Nov 17, 2008, 8:29pm EST
i think it is rude... it does not give your child the option of learning to choose for the child something she would like to give her...

on the other hand.. i always use coordinated invites that had the character the child liked the most... like barney or my little pony... as a hint.. but never would have ever put a list in there as to waht to get..
donna h. Nov 22, 2008, 3:13pm EST
hmmm
Kelly M. Nov 25, 2008, 1:23am EST
Thanks for paying it forward to me! Be sure to join my group one for me one for you!

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