First I must confess, I am a smoker. I have been smoking for 12 years now with a few short term times of not smoking... If I feel the desire to quit, I simply put them down and it usually lasts at least 6 months... Yes, I am aware that smoking is bad for my health and so on...
Anyways, my 6 year old has been on my case nonstop lately about quitting... I can understand her point to a degree... Lately I haven't had much chances to run outside for a quick smoke break with the kids being sick. This time my daughter argues with me that smoking cigarettes is "doing drugs".
I ask her what in the world she is talking about. She tells me all about how the school counselor came into her class last week and talked about drugs... Keep in mind these are 6 year olds. The counselor talked about drugs and why not to do them. This counselor went on and on about smoking cigarettes, but no mention of alcohol... At the end of her little speech, she asked for the children whose parents smoke to raise their hands. The counselor then told them how important it is for them to coax their parents to quit doing drugs.
For the past couple of days, I have pondered this endlessly. Personally, I want to go have a discussion with the school counselor over this whole situation. I have come to the conclusion that the counselor was completely out of line to refer to cigarettes as "drugs", convincing my 6 year old that it is her job/responsibility to get her parents to quit, and to have the children of smokers raise their hands (thus alienating them from their classmates)...
To single a child out publicly or alienate them from the group is discrimination and emotional abuse. Furthermore, I have concluded that it is not the job/responsibility of a child to get their smoking parent to quit. That is a huge weight to put on a young child. What are the repurcussions of this child feeling it is up to them to get mom and dad to give up cigarettes? Will this be emotionally traumatizing if we do not quit?
Very few of the parents know we are smokers. We smoke outside, away from the kids. If guests are over, we do not let them see us smoke. So now the cat is out of the bag and all her little friends know that we smoke. This is ridiculous to me. I am so infuriated at the school for putting it in my child's head that I am "doing drugs"!!!
I realize all the nonsmokers out there will have a different opinion on this than I do. However, I do divulge to the parents of our little guests that we are smokers before they come over and explain that we do not smoke around the children and will not let their child see us smoke. We are bending over backwards for the rights of the nonsmoker's children and beliefs...
My peeve with all this is that it is NOT illegal to smoke. It is a choice my husband and myself make, because we are afforded that right in this country. I truly believe that the school counselor should be discussing more important topics with the children of the 6 year old range about far more important things than do your parents do drugs by smoking cigarettes.
I plan on having a meeting with the counselor and principal as soon as possible to deal with this issue. My child should not have been taught that smoking is illegal for adults, because it is not. If we want to discuss the topic of "drugs", and include nicotine on that list, they need to discuss all drugs including caffiene and so on... And yes I drink caffinated beverages too...
So, I was wondering what your opinion is on this. What would you do if this was your child? Do you agree or disagree with the counselor's tactics? How would you approach this or handle it?
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Comments: 22
I'm always trying to quit lately. I have so far committed to cutting down.
I do feel that the tactics were a bit extreme. I think it is good that they have a discussion about smoking in the school, but there are ways that this can be done without singling people out.
and they're way early for some, and way late for others. We didn't even get an actual sex talk in school until almost everyone had already lost thier virginity (we had to raise our hands). Before that they just talked about 'changing bodys' and mentioned its because one day we'll want to have sex and have babies.
I am sorry to say that I agree completely with the SPIRIT of what the counselor did and I also agree that we need to begin discussing drug use with children earlier and earlier. Cigarettes ARE a drug as is alcohol (legal or not) and children are being bombarded with pressures to experiment, EVEN in elementary school.
I grew up in a home where both parents smoked, even though I and my mother have asthma. My father passed away from lung cancer and my mother STILL SMOKES to this very day... I understand that smoking IS in fact an addiction, just like alcohol can develop into an addiction as well. I understand that quitting isn't an overnight thing. BUT the only way we can change the mindset of society is to begin with the youth.
We can no longer fall back on the litigators or our nation to set the standards of right and wrong. Cigarettes are legal, alcahol is legal.... at one point cocaine was legal but not very beneficial. Overeating is a legal choice, but obesity it literally killing people left and right in this country. So a decision of health and morality can't rely on the law.
Please uderstand that I DON'T agree with having the children raise their hands ... there was NOTHING to gain from that. However, I WOULD have encouraged them to speak with their parents IF they smoked and to share with them what they learned and perhaps it would make a difference and help them make a change.
When you go to the school... PLEASE at least try to understand where the counselor was coming from and temper your disappointment with understanding.
I wouldn't be too hard on the counselor. This was probably a planned lesson (sent by some Health council). Many years ago when i taught preschool I taught this. they sent me coloring books for the kids and we talked about the adults in their life who smoked and the importance of telling them to stop. It's an important lesson for the kids. You smoke, but do you honestly want your children to start that habit someday?
Teaching kids not to start bad habits is a good thing and showing them that they have a voice with the people they care about is also important.
Maybe some of your passion in this should be turned inside. Your own six year old understands how harmful smoking can be more than you seem to. If it is so easy to quit, than do it. I'm not talking about quitting just for your health or because I don't smoke. But, hey, you are teaching your children that it is okay to smoke. Even if she doesn't see you do it, she still knows you do it. The counselor isn't traumatizing your child, you are! How is she going to feel when mommy dies of cancer because she smoked? Sorry, but it can happen. I'm friends with a widow who has two young boys. The father only ever smoked "socially", but now he's gone forever. The worst part is that he was gone long before he died because the chemo and treatment changed his personality. These boys had to watch their father go through something no parent would ever want their children to witness.
As I expected from all of you here on Gather, I can see things from a different side now. I truly appreciate all of your input!
As for my smoking habit, I will quit when I am ready. We all know one must want to quit for themselves in order to do so. My drinking ceased when I decided to drink no longer. I know I am fully capable of smoking cessation, if and when I am ready. I could insert all my lame excuses here, but it basically comes down to "I don't want to quit yet".
Again thank you all for sharing your opinions and insight!
I do think it was wrong from them to teach your child that smmoking is illegal. I don't smoke. But I use to. My husband still smokes. So do some people in my family.
Even thou I think smoking is a form of drugs. But so are prescription drugs. As long as it legal in the USA. I say leave the people alone to their own devices.