Intuition and sleep deprivation...

1 week ago, we took the youngest in to see the family doctor over a sinus infection.  The standard routine exam concluded with a diagnosis of a sinus infection and a slight inner ear infection.  Of course, the doctor prescribed amoxicillan. 

Over the course of the last seven days, we have practiced washing our hands, coughing into our elbows, and taking our medicine whether or not we want to...  Being three, the youngster loves to wash his hands, forgets not to just cough wherever, and doesn't really want to take the medicine at times...

Thursday night, I put him to bed as usual...  He normally passes out as soon as the light goes out or does the endless game of "I need x, y, z" and is running in and out of his room until I can get him to stay there...  This night in particular, he calls me to his room (rather than coming to me), stating that his ear is "killing him"...  Being the mean mommy that I am, I reply with the annoyed question of why...  My son responds with "because I put my finger in it"...  I say "well don't put your finger in your ear and go to sleep"...  He continues with a story about his day at preschool-something about falling on the playground...  At that point, I just want him to sleep, so I can...  I turn on the light and tell him to let me see it.

What I find is a goose egg type knot right behind his ear that is shining in shades of blue, purple, green, and yellow...  I touch it ever so gently and he jumps as if he has just touched the burner on a hot stove...  My answer is to put ice on it, which usually after 10 seconds with his ice, makes him all better.  The ice only infuriates my "ice instantly cures everything like a bandaid or a kiss" toddler.

That pit of the stomach twingy voice thing is telling me something is not quite right.  The preschool tells me EVERYTHING about his day...  I talk to the other mothers outside of the preschool, since I see them at the elementary school when picking up the older ones...  It was "picture day", so would they have gone out to play outside?  Wouldn't his outfit be stained from falling down?  The would have told me about a fall right???  How does one get a goose egg behind their ear???  That is a pretty odd place to get hurt...

While forcing my little man to ice down his injury, my mind is racing.  Am I being paranoid?  Is this little voice steering me wrong?  I finally decide that I will look like an overprotective idiot taking him to the emergency room over a bump.  I check again for a fever and take another look at his pupils.  He falls asleep.  Still unsure of what to make of this gut feeling, I put him in bed with me...  Unable to sleep, I notice him talking in his sleep repeating the phrase "no ice mommy".  Now, I feel like a horrible parent for not doing something more.  Then again do I dare wake him only to find out it is nothing???

Friday morning I call the doctor's office, explaining the situation, asking if I should bring him in.  The nurse responds back with "That is a very odd place to get a bump.  Bring him in."...  Now, my inner voice is screaming at me for not listening to it more and reminding me of the guilt and shame I will face for being such a bad listener and horrible parent.  Off to the doctor we go with a Transformer toy in tow...  The exam goes well, but leaves the doctor scratching his head.  The huge lump protruding from my son's head is not an injury, it is not an abcess, it is not a bite, and is not a wound of any sort.  It is an infected lymph node.  We go through the list of possible causes.  The new kitten is not the source, tick bites are off the list, throw the sinus/ear infection out of the pot, any option is thrown out by the fact that he has been on antibiotics all week.  My little inner voice is ringing louder and louder with it's "I told you so" chant...

The answer is simple-try a different antibiotic.  I have never heard of this drug.  There is the voice again.  I answer it by questioning the doctor.  We go back and forth over the medication, the diagnosis, the options of this being a sign of something much worse.  My sweet little boy turns into a monster and runs out the open door and off to whatever freedom he can find.  I get an answer I do not like, but MUST give chase in the toddler's game to keep him safe from harm.  I leave the office knowing that the truth of the matter is the diagnosis is temporary.  This stupid little lump could in fact be a symptom of a much larger matter.  It could be Hodgkin's Disease, Lymphoma, or a whole slew of other things...  What would have happened if I had not listened to that little voice I tried to push off???

At this moment my son lies fast asleep on the couch after having an allergic reaction to the medication I questioned so heavily, must be watched for any change at all, and must be kept cold.  I cannot sleep, despite every ounce of me demanding it.  I must watch the innocent one and wonder for the remainder of the weekend, what news will come Monday...