The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Burt because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Burt and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Burt snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Burt shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Jeff's turn. Jeff was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Burt into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night."
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What He Says - What He Means
* "I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
* "It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
* "Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
* "Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
* "It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
* "We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
* "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
* "That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
* "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
* "I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
* "You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
* "You look terrific."
Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
* "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again.
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The Big Rancher
A successful rancher passed on leaving his adorable wife and a huge ranch. Not wanting to sell the ranch she put an ad in the paper for a cowhand. She received two replies, one from a gay dude and one from a drunk. She figured being out in the country, safety was a priority, she hired the gay.
After working the ranch everyday for about two months, she told the dude to take Saturday night off and let his hair down and go into town.
When he returned to the ranch he found her sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine in hand by a glowing fireplace.
She called to him with her sexy voice and said to him " open the buttons on my shirt" he fumbled until he opened them all and then she said to take it off and drop it on the floor......Next she asked that he remove her boots and socks and set them next to the shirt....... ......again with trembling hands he removed her boots and socks....... ......
She looked at him and asked that he remove her skirt which he did without hesitating and lay them next to the shirt and boots....... ....once more she neared him and asked that he remove her bra and again place them next to the shirt and boots and skirt.
She took a sip of wine, looked at him and said " the next time you wear my clothes into town, I'll fire you're ass"
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