my main complaint (I often have one) is the huge abstract concept of " life eternal. " Its too vague and nebulous an idea for a haiku imho.
The stark contrast of L1 and 2 work well, but I'd like to see a concrete image in L3 rather than an abstract concept. haiku tend to work best when they deal with the simple, easily seen, easily visualized and singular. Not the forest, but the tree. Not eternity, but a single moment in time, preserved like a fly in amber.
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Comments: 22
Brett's already available for the lesson end.
Thanks my friends!!
Thanks so much Dana! Haiku is just so intended..
The stark contrast of L1 and 2 work well, but I'd like to see a concrete image in L3 rather than an abstract concept. haiku tend to work best when they deal with the simple, easily seen, easily visualized and singular. Not the forest, but the tree. Not eternity, but a single moment in time, preserved like a fly in amber.
It does do well with contrast though.
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