smoke
stack
the
wind
tears
off
ghosts
english language haiku aren't dependant on syllables and line counts. this one would actually be ore "traditional" since Japanese haiku are written in a column. The shape aids in visualizing the smokestack.
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Comments: 6
I have a revision but I'm sticking with the shape.
smoke
stack
the
wind
tears
away
ghost
after
ghost
if it was a 3 liner-
smoke stack:
the wind tears away
ghost after ghost
Does that help? Not liking it is good but it is as unhelpful as "nice poem!"
I need to know
what and why you don't like it (or what/why you did like it) because I can't improve or change anything or even have another POV to consider unless you articulate something specific. Would you please elaborate? What would you change? Why?