Haiku Hospital

In here we may learn as much from a sick patient as a well one. In fact even a terminally ill haiku has much to say. Post your problem haiku here. We'll try to diagnose them and attempt to find a remedy.

This haiku of mine was actually published

earthbound child-
tethered to the sky
a length of string

In retrospect, there is much to regret here.  For one, children, unless they are in a plane or getting shot out of a cannon, are naturally earthbound so that doesn't need to be stated. Generally speaking, if it doesn't have to be said it should not be said.

Secondly, the inversion or reversal of natural order sounds odd. though there are exceptions, inversion nearly always weakens a haiku. Sometimes an author is trying to satisfy an arbitrary syllable count and needs to run the phrase backwards to make it fit. Even worse, is the tendency by some to hold back a "punch line" or "surprise ending." These effects seem to cheapen a haiku and make it more of a wordplay, pun, or joke. The trend towards  "pop haiku" is one of the problems facing the acceptance of modern english haiku as a serious art form. In my opinion, haiku should go deeper. Humour of course has a place in haiku but it should be restrained. Haiku should not be a place to flex one's wit.

In addition, there is the choppy feel I obtained by being overzealous in my desire to pare this haiku down. The word "by" at the beginiing of line 3 would have helped not only the flow but the exactness. as it stands, it could be saying the length of string rather than the child is tethered to the sky.

I revised-

kite weather---
a child stands
tethered to the sky 

while I got rid of the inversion and the obvious unneeded observation I didn't like the flow. So I reinstalled earthbound

kite weather---
an earthbound child stands
tethered to the sky

although children are obviously earthbound, the feel is improved by its inclusion. Any rule can be broken if it makes your haiku stronger rather than weaker.  It also emphasizes the contrast between the solid weight of a child and the drifting lightness of the kite. It sets up a bit of pleasant contradiction too. That of a child being "anchored" by a frail kite and string to the ever flowing atmosphere.