Call it good instincts; call it ?momdar.? Sometimes it seems that moms have a natural talent for deciphering a situation that presents itself practically in code. Like when you just know your child is feeling under the weather, despite protests that they feel ?fine?. Is this a learned or innate skill? Throughout history a belief has existed that women have a powerful ability to connect-the-dots utilizing ?women?s intuition.?
But some people also think the concept of ?women?s intuition? belittles women?s intelligence by suggesting it comes from some mystical, emotional place, rather than from a rational analysis of facts. Regardless, for kids? mom?s uncanny ability to decipher the truth takes on mythical proportions. As in, ?how does mom ALWAYS know when I?m lying?!?
In fact, all parents rely on their natural code-breaking ability when it comes to caring for their children. After all, when kids are just learning to talk, it can take a little deciphering to figure out exactly what?s on their minds. It?s even trickier when they?re not feeling well.
Of course, as kids get older, they develop code-making skills of their own. When your 10-year-old tells you his homework is ?sorta finished,? how do you decode that message? And how do you tell what kids need when they?re too young to explain?
Share your favorite story about these and other moments when ?code sense? turns out to be your most important parenting skill, we?ll randomly select 10 responders to receive an orange iPod shuffle.
Be sure to post your responses in the comments (not articles) section.
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I don't know if I have a specific "Momdar" or not, but I do know my children. I can't read the situation with other children- perhaps it's something that's hardwired to our own kids? Or, rather, perhaps it's the long "getting to know you" period we all go through with our children.
I've had bumps, bruises, hospital stays, bloody heads, ripped clothing, cut hair, pre-opened Christmas gifts, broken dishes, missing snacks, picked noses, vomit, fevers, pharmacies, lost children, lost glasses, and so much more. I probably don't respond the fastest in some situations, while in others, I do.
When I'm around my family- the larger, outer portion that is, they just laugh and watch when I decipher what cries, screams, and whiney voices mean. I can tell if my children are fighting, upset, angry, scared, hurt, or even tired based on the tone of their screeches.
Some screeches are designed to make a mother stand up and run- those are the "I'm hurt, Mommy!" or the, "Help, I'm scared, Mommy!", or even, "I think I'm going to be sick, Mommy!" cries. Alternativly, I can tell them apart from the, "I'm really mad at my brother!", "I hate my sister!, "I want that toy!" cries.
Some cries aren't decipherable. But the ones that are, boy can they make a mom run. Or wake her from a dead sleep. I suppose the best example I can come up with happened earlier this year, in April.
In April, my husband changed jobs. This happened during the weekend between jobs- when we were conveinently uninsured. We lived in a small rental house, sandwiched between two other small rental houses. We shared a fenced in backyard with the house to the left. They had a son the same age as ours- only with a lot less rules and supervision.
My husband was in the living room watching tv or playing a video game- I don't recall, and who knows, it could have been either. Right next to him is a nice big panoramic view of the backyard, thanks to a nearly wall to wall sized triple section sliding door. He had a view of the backyard, in other words.
I, on the other hand, was sleeping off a headache in the bedroom, all the doors, windows, and curtains shut tight. I vagually heard a whacking sound from the recess of my mind, and groggily opened my eyes, then shrugged it off and closed them.
Then madness started. Gillian, my youngest at 5, ran inside screeching that Raegan, my oldest at 2 weeks shy of 11, was hurt. No panic yet, it wasn't -that- kind of a scream. I could hear Nick getting up, and again, settled in to go back to sleep.
That's when the screech happened. The heart stopping, blood curdling screech. The, "Oh my god, I'm going to die!" screech. I was out of that bed, opening the door, and running down the hallway in seconds, before my oldest daughter got inside.
My son, our middle child at 8, was yelling at the top of his lungs about the neighbor boy, while Raegan was screeching this hysterical sound that probably sent the neighborhood dogs cowering.
I reached the living room about the time my husband came in with Raegan, both in a panic. My husband is a great guy, he handles most things easily, but he hates to see one of our children in any sort of pain. As of yet, we've never had a broken bone, or an injury that caused more than a speckle of blood.
This, of course, beat down that record. Raegan comes in, and blood was just pouring from her head. I got her into the bathroom, while Nick investigated what happened. My heart must have been pounding a mile a minute, but I kept calm while talking her.
I ruined about 3 towels and washclothes trying to clean it up enough to see the wound, meanwhile, she's screaming that she doesn't want to die. My 5 year old joins right in, screaming and bawling that she doesn't want Raegan to die either.
Meanwhile, Mom is trying her best to calm both down, while panicking slightly at the sight of a goose egg on her forehead that must have been the size of half a golfball, with an inch and a half long slice down the middle of it- which is pouring blood out at an amazingly fast rate.
I got her to hold the washcloth into place, and kept cleaning around it. Her hair, her face, and her clothing were all splattered with blood. Or, rather, her hair was matted with it, but that was soaking most of it up before it hit her clothing.
While this was happening, Nick found out that the neighbor boy threw a wooden thick handled grill brush at her head. The goosebump happened in seconds from contact, and the nearly inch thick brush actually broke over her head.
In retrospect, I know it took only a few minutes from the moment it happened, until we were in the van with an ice pack, but it seemed like it took forever.
I suppose that's my most significant, or rather memorable, "Momdar" moment. It was scary. It was terrifying. There was so much blood, and the kids were all freaking out. But, we got through it. She didn't even get stitches, just bandages and lots of antibiotic gel, with Motrin & acetemenophin for pain.
I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of those cries, though.
We then made tin foil hats to wear so that she would focus on them and then on our faces. The result was at the end of 9 intensive months of therapy that I had initiated she was then reevaluated and she tested out at developmentally appropriate developmental levels and she now only has wobbly eyes when she is exhausted.
Jumping forward to today,a year later, my son is now divorced and is in a wonderful relationship with a new woman and her children, everyone lives at my house and I continue with the daily motor skills work and my grandaughter SEES!!!! Unless you knew her before you would think they were two different little girls. We now only go to Wills Eye Hospital twice a year and somewere in the future when her acuity is able to be tested, we will be able to see how much ability she really has with her Nystagmus. Our new Dr's tell us only time will tell! ALl thanks to my MOMDAR!
At about 4 am, when I went into his room. I reached out and switched on his old nightlight as I walked into the room. When I reached his bed, I could feel heat radiating from him. I called my husband as I was moving towards my son to get here "Quickly" and I grabbed my son and rushed him into the bathroom, still groggy.
Both my husband and son must have thought I was nuts about then but any question they had of my sanity was gone in a moment. My son awoke, turned, looked at me and then began to be violently ill all over the bathroom floor. The moment only lasted a few minutes and we washed him up in the tub before he could become upset over the incident.
After we had given him meds to bring down his fever and tucked him back into bed, my husband asked how I "knew" our son was going to be ill. I really couldn't tell him except that the room "felt" different and my son wasn't resting the way he usually did.
It turned out that less than 24 hours later, he was fine again. It was a virus going around school. Days later it hit me that it would have been nearly impossible to get him into the bathroom in time had he been in the loft bed and worse to clean up afterwards too. PLUS, my son tended to wander when he was feverish in those days and since he was in a fairly new loft bed, he might have fallen and hurt himself. It was a "code orange" mommy moment to be sure and quite honestly, not one that I ever want to repeat any time soon. My son is now a teen ager and most likely has forgotten the moment but I remember it as if it were yesterday, the night when I knew something was wrong...I just didn't know what or when it would happen!
10*
God Bless you, peace to all mankind.
Wise owl say thank you, I am proud to come with some talent to share, white hairs didn't get there all by himself.
My daughter took a job that required travel, so he now lives with my husband and I during the week and Mom on weekends.
He became a very angry child that seemed to be lashing out at everyone who loved him. My instincts told me that he had issues that needed to be discussed. He began to throw things and break things until I was at the end of my rope.
One afternoon at age 12, after a temper tantrum, I informed him that I knew something was wrong and that he could tell me anything he wanted to. Still no conversation from him about what was bothering him. The very next day he threw his mouse at the wood blinds which broke 3 of the slats. I just burst into tears at the fact that he had some issues that I couldn't resolve! Feeling like such a failure with him, I called my husband. He closed his business and came home to see what was going on. His "Daddar" instantly knew what our grandson needed. He took out our "Board of Education" and applied it to Kyler's seat of learning. I was in shock, my husband had never paddled either of our own children and I just knew that wasn't the answer. "Poppie" informed him that he loved him more than anything in the world and to never make him use that paddle again. He hugged him and explained to him how we knew something was wrong, but we could not help him fix his problems unless he could talk to us.
From that day until now our grandson has been a changed child, not only at home but at school as well. He came to us and told us that he was angry with his dad for abandoning him and very upset with him for joining the army as well as getting remarried.
We have been able to have open discussions with him about his dad that have led to positive changes in his life and in ours. For the first time in many years he is a happy, well adjusted child that finally feels like part of a family.
While my "momdar" failed me, I am so blessed that "daddar" kicked in and took over. My wonderful husband of 38 years knew Kyler needed to feel like he was part of our family. Yes he paddled him, but he did it with all the love that Kyler needed and wanted!
"How did you know?" the now crying teen implored, while profusely feigning her innocence, to which I answered the way I ALWAYS have when asked that same question.
"Mom's know EVERYTHING!"
I would say one of my favorite "momdar" moments was with my 3 year old son. He came wimpering over to me one afternoon. I realized he had put his sister's "jewerly" bead up his nose. So after a minute of trying to get him to blow his nose, with no luck, I got a handy drinking straw and after a few blows to the other nostral, out came a purple bead. I learned this technique after he put a popcorn kernal up his nose a few months before this occation.
Boys will be boys??
When you get bonded to different children so close you can almost read their thoughts and body language that lets you know something is wrong.
I have two grown children both young men, one is delayed and this one is the hardest to know what is going on with him now and in the past. When he was younger it was easier but as he got older so many emotions flow from him. He is a complex person with not only delays but medical needs as well and there are times he can not tell me what is wrong, his pain thrush hold seems to very high or that he just doesn't react the way normal people do to pain. He doesn't understand when there is a danger to him or others and this makes it difficult to read him.
I also have custody of my two grandchildren a boy fourteen and a girl thirteen. Both of which have sent many orange flags my way.
And then I have my adopted daughters children in my care from time to time and they certainly have been a challenge. But more difficult to read because of the differing environments they have lived in, one with their mother then their father and then their maternal grand-mother, but all the same there are orange alerts that tells me something isn't quite the way it should be.
When I look at children today there are so many different things that a parents need to be educated about, things just aren't the same as when I was a child. There are more dangers for our children, not just physically but mental attacks that may reflect in how our children relate to the world around them.
As a parent we need to be aware of the all the moods of our children so that when a problem surfaces we can be there when needed hopefully before the orange alert siren goes off.
Until later.
Blessings to all the parents.
For instance, when she is not feeling well, she will get much more clingy and want to cuddle, which never happens when she is a-ok.
On a heavier note, we noticed that my daughter's left eye wasn't working properly. She was going cross eyed when she would look to the left. We noticed it when she was very young, and brought it up to her pediatrician. He sent us to a specialist, and sure enough, after getting an MRI and going in for a couple of appointments, she had a nerve in her eye that never developed. Her vision will always be impaired, but it is yet to be known just how much. The doctors all congratulated me on finding it so soon, most parents that have children with this problem don't notice it until much later on in childhood. We are already finding that she runs into walls and trips over toys on the ground. I always know right before she is about to fall when her left side gets a little too close to the door jam or a corner of a wall. The one good thing, she will never know what she is missing, having lived with it her whole life. She is still perfect in my eyes!
My 3-year old son has an "ATTITUDE" (yes, it deserves all capital letters!) that we have yet to tame. We can see it coming a mile away, and more stubborn as the bottom lip starts to pout. The further it pouts out, the worse his 'tude gets. I don't know if he has figured out yet how I know when he has a "baditude" but after a sit-down and talk session, he tends to "swallow" or "throw away" his attitude.
Now, my 19-month old son is just as bad (I have a feeling - momdar? - that it will be twice as bad when he goes through the "Terrible Two's" stage). He can be sweet as pie one minute and then irratible the next. I can tell when he's getting a sinus/ear infection before the runny nose starts dripping. His attitude gets worse. Nothing pleases him, the "tickle places" on his body disappear and tears are eminent. Sure enough, within 24 hours, a trickle begins from his nostrils and the irritability mounts. Do the doctors ever believe me? No!!! They have to "see" him before they can diagnose him and give me a prescription for him. But I have never been wrong, only broke from all the office copays and prescription refills.
My 3-month old is not quite old enough for my momdar to kick in, except for when it is feeding time. You know, after 4 kids, you figure out what each fussy cry means and can pretty much nip it in the bud in its early stages. But my 5-year old daughter...
Well, she had a tendancy to be stubborn and disobedient. She turns off her hearing aid (and she doesn't even wear one!) so she can't hear me tell her to do something. She gets this glazed look in her eyes to show her disinterest in work. I see it coming and deal with it then and there. Then she gets a shocked look about her as if she can't figure out how I knew she really didn't want to do her violin lessons.
I yelled to him to see if he was hurt...."not bad" was his answer...that means he's hurt and doesn't want anyone to know just how bad...he limped back up to us (he had to walk, he was 13 and way too big for me to carry)....blood was everywhere. Pants were ripped, his shirt was torn, and he just looked a mess. We got him to Dawn's house where she started cleaning him up.
Now, Dawn has a lot more sympathy than I do...I'm use to blood, she's not. Anyway, I asked Pher where he hurt.
Pher: "Everywhere"
Me: "Well, what hurts the worst."
Pher: " Uh..my foot"
Me: "Take off your Shoes"
Pher: "I can't bend that far."
Me: "I'll do it."
Pher: "No, you'll hurt me."
Me: "Now..."
I took off both shoes and socks...his right foot was definately broken. I then examed the rest of him as Dawn kept cleaning up the blood and bandaging the knees, hands, and arms. He was having issues with his right shoulder also. Besides the abrasions, there was a problem, but I wasn't sure what it was. Pher's pants and shirt were both total losses...I ran and got him shorts and a t-shirt to put on (though it was January).
Tracy watched Angela, Dawn called my husband, and I took Pher to the Children's Ready care for x-rays. The doctor and I went around and around about the accident. I saw Pher fall, and I knew he was hurt worse than the doctor said. The doctor said I was just being a "worried parent" and Pher would hurt from the bruises and scrapes. The xray of his foot showed that it was broken, but I couldn't get the doctor to xray his shoulder. I argued and argued, to the point the doctor threatened to have me removed. Someone (nurse?) put a temp. cast on Pher's foot and gave him crutches to use.
Pher's shoulder was broken and the crutches caused the bone to separate even more. This was a VERY angry mom...with a VERY hurt child.
Perhaps the most important part of all has been what I call 'mother sense'. I could diagnose ear infections in my son before the doctor could 'see' symptoms. I knew when my daughter was really sick or had a 'tummy' or 'headache' caused by a problem at school. Except once. After being told for a month and a half that she could not be sick because she'd had two courses of antibiotics, a blood test revealed she had been suffering from mononucleosis, an illness that does not respond to those drugs. After that I went with my gut or I insisted that the doctors prove to me that I was wrong.
I always have believed that after lots of love, communication with children is the most important aspect of parenting with regard to their health. When I child is taught to respect and care for his or her body at a young age, this bodes well for that person's adult life.
The schools are now learning that even a small child should be in charge of their asthma medicine, for example, and certainly parents need to be involved in communicating and setting up this type of responsible interaction. As many schools are staffed by volunteer parents rather than trained nurses or paramedics, it is even more important for parents to make sure procedures are in place that will enhance the safety of all the kids.
Again, there is no substitute for intuition when a small child, unable to communicate, is involved, but training for new parents is also a must. Mothers and dads are now interchangeable in many families, so we need to upgrade the fathers' confidence in their intuition as well.
Being a single parent I had to know what each of my children meant by their individual comments to me and with little time because of being a poor cop and working more than one or two extra jobs to keep the bills up. Don't know if I had momdar but I knew when they were in trouble or had done something wrong.
I just took one day at a time and did what was necessary to keep us together and alive. Spent my share of time in the emergency room for one or another of the boys or my daughter being injured. Even though I was an EMT as well they still ended up going to the ER because of falling out of a tree or riding with a friend in their car and being injured in an accident or some other accident. I had to worry as both father and mother that I was donig the right thing for them.
I made my share of mistakes. I loved and still love them with all of my heart. Each is grown now and with their own lives and families. Guess I did an O.K. job.
I can't be a mother but I did try to fill as well as I could the empty place she left in their lives.
:O)
One evening, my preteen daughter was using the microwave. Being tired from work, I was almost half asleep. My daughter walked into the dining room, and uttered very calmly, just one word, "mom". My adrenaline rushed through out my entire body. And I sprang to me feet, and ran into the kitchen. Saw a fire in the microwave, reached over it and unplugged it. Wet a towel and threw it on top of the fire. Then picked up the half flaming contents with the towel and threw them into the sink. All that provoked by one word.
Within the next 48 hours during my hospital stay, the reason for my "momdar" was obvious: my son couldn't nurse. Many women have initial problems nursing, so this is also not unusual. Nursing is a learned skill, and our culture doesn't promote breastfeeding, and a hospital that actually takes the time to help new mothers nurse their babies is extremely rare. The most common experience of a new mom having nursing problems is after about 2 minutes of trying, a nurse will suggest that the baby be given a bottle of formula and you can always "try later". This is exactly what happened to me, but my momdar was screaming at this point. I begged for help, including actually leaving my bedside during all the shifts, looking for a nurse who would be willing to help me nurse my baby. I found no help whatsoever. My fury was not quelled when the nurses violated my wishes and fed him a bottle of formula against my requests. But my son had other ideas. This was the beginning of my dedication to feed my son breastmilk. My son took the standard one ounce of formula from the nurse, then violently threw up the formula all over the nurse. Served her right.
But my momdar was screaming. I began pumping my milk and feeding it to my son. I knew something was terribly wrong, but all of my pleas were ignored by the doctors and nurses. Never once did they examine my son for any of the standard problems (tongue-tie, weak suck, cleft palate, etc.) that can interfere with breastfeeding. Not only that, my son was having problems getting milk out of a bottle.
I was crushed. Something was terribly wrong and nobody was listening to me. I was frantic. Only the lactation consultant I saw after I left the hospital showed any concern. She was stumped as to why my son couldn't nurse, and referred me to a feeding specialist. After 6 WEEKS of sessions, we finally "taught" my son how to take milk out of a bottle, but he simply was unable to suck out of either a bottle or the breast. I resigned myself to pumping my milk exclusively and feeding him pumped breastmilk from a bottle. I tried formula feeding every once in a while, but every time my son would drink formula, within 5 minutes he would violently vomit up the entire amount of formula he drank.
Every well-baby visit I would bring up this topic and attempt to explain to the Pediatrician that something was wrong with my son. My pleas were ignored. After 3 or 4 of my attempts to discuss this with the Pediatrician, I was given a prescription for Zantac and told that my son probably had a little acid-reflux, which is why he was spitting up formula. My son never spit up - he was violently projectile vomiting! I knew without a doubt that diagnosis was wrong and threw out the prescription.
I know what you're all thinking: acid-reflux is fairly common in newborn babies, especially in formula-fed babies. But my son wasn't formula fed, and didn't spit up at all when he drank his breastmilk.
Finally, when he was 4 months old, my son had one of his "episodes" that lasted longer than I could tolerate and I took him to the hospital. An "episode" was my son refusing to eat at all for hours and hours, and clamping himself tight into the fetal position and screaming his head off. At 4 months old, this "episode" lasted almost 24 hours. After calling the Pediatrician and insisting that this wasn't just "a gas bubble", we received reluctant permission to take our son to the hospital.
At the hospital, after 6 hours of waiting and several tests, we were told our son has bad gas and we should give him Pedialyte and it will pass. I never wasted my time buying Pedialyte; I knew this diagnosis was wrong.
However, God had obviously decided I had suffered enough. The next day I received a phone call from the hospital. All X-rays that are taken are reviewed by a Radiologist. Normally this is done while you are waiting in the hospital. But since my son arrived at 5am on Sunday, the Radiologist was not on duty, so only the ER doctor examined my son's X-ray. The Radiologist saw the problem: a diaphragmatic hernia. Suddenly, everything fell into place. He couldn't digest formula because the hernia (a hole in the diaphragm) was being filled by his small intestine; every time he exhaled, his diaphragm was pinching on his small intestine. So his body was vomiting up the formula because it couldn't digest it. Breastmilk is self-digesting and and quickly pass through the small intestine, so it wasn't being rejected. He couldn't nurse because the energy required to suck on the breast or a bottle was being used up by his increased energy requirement to breathe!
I left my son's side for the first time when he was wheeled into emergency surgery the next day. I never left his side in the PICU, and I vowed, as I stared as my tiny little baby with tubes in almost every section of his body, that I would never doubt my instincts again.
My 3 yr. old son still has the occasional accident. And he has a way of telling on himself. A daytime accident is made known with a comment such as, "Mommy, my britches are not wet, they're not!" Sure enough, they ARE wet. Nighttime comes and goes and the morning reveals my son not wanting to get out of bed. He is lying on his tummy and won't budge. So, I ask him, "Did you wet your bed?" His response, "my bed, made me wet." It's frustrating, but it's hard not to laugh sometimes.
She takes that first bite and her cheeks bulge as she tries not to make a face. I ask if she likes it. And her response is, "Yes ma'am!" (not very heartily or convincingly) So I ask if she wants more of it. She wrinkles her nose as she says, "not really." LOL!
It starts when the child is an infant, and a mother has to learn which cry means what. A mother works hard to decipher this person's wants and needs, and spends the rest of her life doing what she can to keep that child happy, healthy, self-sufficient, kind, and motivated.
To call it an innate sense dismisses that work.
My oldest teen has asthma and hes done ok with it most of the time. But when he gets sick it of course gets worse. You know how these bugs like to realy act up late at night or in the wee hours. One night he had a cold and I thought his breathing was a little heavier than usual. I kept checking on him and he would say Im just fine. He decided to shower which made things better. We went to bed, but I kept waking up and would check on him. It was strange because I would only sleep for about 15 minutes before I would wake again. I checked on him each time but by about the third time I woke him and said I just dont like the way your breathing, I need you to put your shoes on and we need to go see the Dr. I was surprised when he didnt give me any guff, said ok and got up and slipped his shoes on.
We get to ER and thankfully they take him in right away. He wasnt gasping for air, but breathing was heavier than usual. They get him settled in and I was doing the paperwork. When I got done I was able to go in where he was. They had him in a bed, with oxygen mask on and said They had given him a steroid medicine that made him a little loopy. The nurse wispered to me it was a good thing I had brought him in when I did, about another 10 minutes and we would of had to Trach him. Glad I went with my gutt instincts.
The time I remember the most was when my daughter wasn't acting "right". She wanted to sleep, she couldn't remember things, and cried at a drop of a hat. Her schedule was busy, she was in high school, taking college classes and competing in track. I kept telling her she needed to make an appointment to see the doctor. She resisted. I told her she could wait a couple of days but if she didn't go on her own accord I would call the doctor myself.
Not even a day later, I found her on the couch and crying saying she couldn' t remember where her locker was at school and when she finally found it she couldn't remember the combination.
I wrapped her in my arms (terrified) and held her until she stopped crying. Then I called the doctor we had an appointment in minutes. We went to the doctor together. I went with her when she got her blood drawn and we looked on the computer about her condition. Her thyroid was way out of whack and had gone out of whack in less than a weeks time. (She had blood work done the Monday and it was fine, by Friday it was in bad shape.)
I had told several people about my concerns and all of them had said she was probably just tired because you know teenagers need more sleep. I knew there was more. I was glad I had listened to my mondar!
I somehow knew that something was wrong with the way the baby was acting inside of me, and ended up giving birth to my daughter 1/2 an hour later, despite the fact that the due date was not for another 7 weeks.
Once I brought home my beautiful baby girl, I would wake up if her breathing pattern changed, if she moved, or if anything made even the quietest noise.
I know her temperature without a thermometer, tone of voice, typical normal responses, gestures, eye color, skin tone, and have every mark on her body memorized by heart.
The same for my son and step-son. I know the color of their eyes and can sense even the slightest change in their eye color, pupil size, and even the size of the bags under their eyes.
When one has all of this committed to memory, as well as every doctor's office visit and ailment, it is very easy to predict with the upmost precision and ease! I do not believe it to be intuition completely, but more of a combination of it and unconditional selfless love.
I can tell when my senses are in high gear. I can be in the kitchen and hear whispered voices in the toy room (which is not visible from the kitchen) and just know that trouble is amok. I will raise my voice just loudly enough to be heard by the 7, 5, & 3 yr old creative masters.
"I know what you are planning out there!!"
My 7 yr old is just old enough now to realize that I shouldn't be able to see, or hear them very well while they are out there. He'll immediately come into the kitchen and voice this frustration.
"MOM!!! How did you hear that?????" I'll say to him, "Well Logan, I AM mom and ALWAYS know what is going on."
I have noticed that I can find any reflective surface to try to see their images in so I can watch what they are doing without really "watching" them. Then, with my back still turned I will tell them not to jump off the windowsill and over a chair. I like to see the mouth's drop open and jaws hang slack.
I can page back through the memories from my own childhood and remember thinking that whenever my sister or I were up to something, that eventually (if not very soon) my mom would come to find us and boy were we going to be in some serious trouble. Now that I am a mom myself, I find that all I have to do is step into a bedroom filled with three very innocent looking faces and have that "look" on my face and know that they are thinking what I was thinking when I was in their shoes. Even now I will talk with my mother about the past and I will start talking about some of the ridiculous things I "got away with" and hear her say, "Megan, I already knew about that."
I don't even bother asking her how she knew.
This incident happened just last December. I had had a funny feeling all day long and was watching the clock closely when school got out for the day. MY oldest son then in Junior high was late and "momdar" went into full mode.
I called a neighbor and asked if she had seen the boys. She replied no, that she was just getting ready to call me. I put her on standby and began to get my youngest ready to go search for his brother.
A few minutes later the doorbell rang, when I opened it, there was my son and two of his friends. My gaze went to his best buddy who had an unusual look of concern on his face. The other child looked as though he'd cry any minute.
I then saw that my son was turned away from me. I reached out and turned him to face me. When I did, I saw a knot on his temple along with blood and an eye that looked like he'd done a few rounds with Ali and lost! I asked them what happened and they told me my son had literally RUN INTO A TREE having fun with friends!
I thanked the boys for bringing him home in one piece...sort of and sent them on home. After checking out my son, I determined his eyes didn't look to be focusing correctly so I announced we were off the emergency room! I immediatedly called my friend and after telling her what had happened she said to send Boo over to her home, she would watch him for me.
Boo was dropped off, and my son ensconced in the front seat with a towel and ice bag, we were off to the emergency room. I drove like a madwoman and was frantic to say the least. My son had a golf ball size knot on his head that I swore I could see growing and the fact he was bleeding made me nauseous as well!
Taking the exit for the emergency room, I realized it was 5:00 on a Friday Afternoon! Good Grief! I couldn't get people to move over for me for love or money and it was ridiculous! After much flashing of lights and blowing of horn, we finally got to the emergency room and after a surprisingly short wait found out that my son was fine. The ER doctor did share a laugh with us though....It seemed he had done the same thing when he was a kid. He had run smack dab into a tree and made a mess of his face and scared his mom to death.
Long story....shorter. My son survived with only a small scar and a lot of playground respect for his shiner and knot! LOL And this mom put another notch on her belt of appreciation for her "momdar"...you see, I had planned on taking my youngest to a late movie that day but didnt because I felt so uneasy. Had I done so, my oldest would have been home for about an hour without medical attention. Another "thank you Lord" day and another reason I listen to my inner mommy whenever she calls!
Very rarely is there an occasion when I'm alone, without children... or better yet, alone with my husband, without children - so we both cherish that time together when we have it. They say when you get married, the romance cools down and in our case since we have 3 boys, there honestly is little time for it.
A few weeks ago I was finally able to spend some alone time with my husband & I really wanted to just be a 'couple' for an evening and not 'parents'. I tried my hardest to just stifle that momdar, but it just kept nagging at me and giving me a really uneasy feeling! Finally I told my husband that I needed to call home and after hearing him groan about it, I made that call.
The mood of the evening was definitely gone the moment I heard my mom saying that our baby took his diaper off while napping! The rest of the evening was spent trying to get the poop smell out of the house.
Aah, momdar - the ultimate mood wrecker. :o)
My husband does a great job with the grandsons, but he tends to be a little forgetful when it comes to all the hazards around the house. Last week, he was installing new flooring in our home. With and eighteen month old toddler tooling around the living area, this can be an accident just waiting to happen. I was in another part of the house when "something" told me to run and check on everybody, just in case... I got there in time to grab a box of nails that a very interested toddler was reaching for. I knew that the first thing he would do was try tasting them. It seems they always put everything right into their mouth. Thank goodness, he did not get the chance to swallow a nail. I was very thankful that I followed my instincts, and I do believe the Good Lord keeps those "momdars" working.
The strongest momdar occasion that I can think of involves my youngest. We had gone home from the hospital just 24 hours after he was born. He wasn't nursing great, but I'd gone through nursing difficulties with my oldest so I figured I could handle it. Within a few days, Nathaniel became jaundiced. The pediatrician didn't seem too concerned, he just said it'd work itself out. After several days of sunshine therapy, it went away. However, I had discovered that my baby was tongue-tied! His initial check-up at birth and before we came home from the hospital didn't reveal it (or maybe the pediatrician didn't even check!) I did some research and found out that tongue-tied babies often have trouble nursing, which can lead to jaundice as well as poor growth. The tongue-tie even prevented him from using a pacifier! My research told me that this could be corrected through a minor, outpatient surgery. So, back to the pediatrician. I had to convince him that Nathaniel needed the surgery! I really had to listen to my momdar telling me that Nathaniel needed this when the dr. had me doubting myself. Soon after, an ENT did the surgery and Nathaniel became a champion nurser! I learned that I have to listen to my momdar and remember that nobody knows my children better than I do.
I had brought the man I was dating at the time with me and after dinner a bunch of us went out to a bar to see a local band. Well, since I wasn't driving I wasn't paying attention to how much I was drinking and I obviously wasn't aware how much my partner had to drink either. I asked him if he was good to drive home and when he told me that he was I didn't think anything of it. About five minutes from home, he flipped the car and we ended upside down in a corn field. We had been going at least the speed limit of 55 that I remember, I don't remember much else beside waking up upside down.
It turns out that at the exact time that the accident happened my mom woke up and knew that there was something wrong because I had not been back to her house yet, since I would be staying with them as well. She wasn't surprised to hear that something had happened and she was very glad that I was ok.
I hope that when my son gets older that we will have the same connection that my mom and I do.
Another time was when the same son was really little (18 months) He was napping & I got this horrible feeling that I should check on him. I went in his room. There was a HUGE hornet on his back. Before I could get close enough to shew it away, it stung him. I rushed him to the ER (as I have a very bad allergy to wasps, etc) I just knew he needed to be seen. Sure enough... he has a severe allergy as well.
That's just 2 times that stand out. But I totally 100% believe that Mom's have that gut feeling intuition Momdar that's instilled in us! And I'm VERY thankful for it!!!!!!!!!!
Tammy Debrick
Kansas City MO
I breastfed both our daughters. When they were away from me, I could tell when they were crying or when they got hungry. Everyone was always amazed that I would come to the baby when it was crying no matter where I was.
That instinct did not fade as they grew older. I still have feelings that guide me to them when they are in need of my help. It is this instinct that guided me to being a better parent.
My oldest is 7 almost 8 years old. She used to have some problems that arose while in the care of her. I could tell when she got home something was bothering her. The situation turned out to be between her and her cousin (of the same age and female).. When she would go to her real dads every other weekend and they allowed her to play wirh her cousin they were doing very inapproriate things! Her father never called and told me I always talked to her and found stuff out and would have to callhim and let him know what they had done while in HIS care. I always told him he must NOT leave these girls alone at all! Well he failed all the time to do that! So my daughter had too seek counselling to figure out where this came from and why they wont stop.. anyways.. Throught that I developed a great connection with my daughter that I can tell when something happened and when I would ask her she lyed at first but I could see right through her and she would finally tell he truth! Thank God my mother instinct was not blinded by the turth and I stuck to my guns and got that situation taken care of! "thanks to my wonderful lawyer"! So I developed a momdar that I can also tell when my daughter is telling the truth or lying! So far so Good! She is learning not to lye because she knows she WILL get caught cause momma dont forget and she will seek the truth and if that happens then she is in trouble.. Well Needless to say we have not had to get to that point since her problems! She is not alloud around that "cousin anymore"!! Court ordered that! Thanks God! SO I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and I know when something is wrong and I know when she is lying.
My boys are 3 and 18 months. I have the momdar with them to tell when they are hungry, tired and not feeling well! My husband get frustrated sometime when he is trying to calm them down and he cant figure out what it is and I come right in and fix the situation.. he likes it as well as it bugs him he could not do it and momma showed him up ;) Thats just a special thing moms have!