Life It is all scrambly and bunched up and bad and weird, and stuff

Ah my six year old granddaughter  is sitting here and commenting on how she feels now without her playmate and little brother Gerrin.    Thus the title for this post.    That is exactly how she feels.    She said Gerrin made it worth life and it was all on schedule cause he kept things all fixed and balanced up.    Big words for a little girl,  strong feelings.

Today was a quiet day for the most part,  My daughter and son in law were expecting at any moment to be arrested as the news media according to detective Regan were getting a warrant for multiple arrests.   So far nothing and maybe it will happen tomorrow  we don't know we just go one day at a time and pray.   The police here have done a lot of illegal stuff but there have been emails sent out to other authorities about their abuse now by other people out side the immediate family.

So we don't know from one day to the next what is going to happen on top of our dealing with our sadness and grief.   But as with the pioneers who settled our land, when their young or old or loved one died from typhoid, cholera, buffalo stampedes, wagons turning over, drowning in rivers or attacked by Indians who resented the white men settling their land or snake bites.   The pioneers had to pick up and move on within hours of the death.  Did they mourn, of course but they had other children to care for and life to live and life did not let them forget how quickly death knocked on the door at any given time.   We have firewood to get in, meals to fix and life to live.  We keep Gerrin in our hearts close and talk about him and how much we still love him and miss him and what he might be like when next we see him and he us.    We are hoping if the law officials let us have any peace that we can celebrate our Little Man's birthday anyway.

We joined the YMCA it is a new facility we hope to use it soon as the pool opens on the 28th.     They have a family night for one and other things for kids.   It is only 15 minutes away.   Yesterday we went to our first hospice counseling session.  It was okay not bad,  but emotional and I felt like though it was for any who have lost a child it was rather a split group because those of us who had lost a child such as Gerrin under age 18 though we could understand the other people's sorrow and grief it was not the same for them as for us.  Why because their child though gone as well got to grow up,  have a family and career and have dreams and lived an adult life and even was a grandparent.  While those of us who lost a very young child did not get to see those dreams fulfilled or lived out the future was cut very short.

I feel the group should be made into two different groups.    A couple others there felt the same after the session was over.   Especially since one lady who lost her 56 year old daughter monopolized the session and her daughter died over a year ago.   She wanted to pretty much act like the rest of us could not possibly understand her pain.   She certainly did not understand the six people there who had lost very young children.   She kept interrupting others.   The counselor finally told her she understood her grief but she needed to let other express how they were feeling too.   She was a bit miffed.

The children will start counseling in October after the 11th.  age 6-18.   Not sure what we will do with the little one, he is only 17 months old.   He is very clingy and leaving him with strangers won't work.   They said they have child care but if no other children there near his age it won't work.   So not sure what to do about that.

So whatever happens life moves on, we learned we won't even really start the deeper grieving for another six weeks at least.  After about 8 months you start to accept but feel really angry.    We still need prayers and that we find the money for my son in law who the police are insisting  committed vehicular homicide and killed his son.    We have a winning case as he is totally innocent of the charges they are planning to level against him.    Though they have been trying to stir public sympathy to go against my son in law for the death of his beloved son it is backfire on them for the most part.

Will keep your posted from time to time.  As life unfolds for us and how we are doing.   I appreciate all the prayers.   The love, the support, the encouragement.   I will have my up and down moments as will the entire family.

I want to share a couple of humorous moments we have had.   The girls thought it was quite hilarious that two police officers when they were unlawfully detaining the family who were posing as our 10 year old Zariah stated as some sort of sexy model.   She put on a real funny act oh ha, she juts her hips out I am so sexy, look at my gun,  then she does the other side and look at my sexy handcuffs,  she does several other things along with sister Halona who is six, They had us laughing so hard it was making us cry.   But with joy not sorrow.  I think I will try and get a video of it and put on youtube not sure yet how to do that but it was funny.   I put on Right Said Fred's to sexy and they saw that and said yup that is how those silly police men were acting and then did their little skit to the music Im too sexy.  LOL.

The other was Halona was watching the evening news about the Swine flu outbreaks and she piped up and said.   Those stupid police men who want to be mean to all of us should get the Swine Flu.  LOL     As many of you should be able to appreciate the double humor meaning in that statement.   Out of the mouths of babes.    right now they are working together cleaning the kitchen and singing which they have not done a lot recently and today they played a lot outside with their brother Andrey and with Gerrins trucks and tractors.  They are happy right now.    Ending on this postive note tonight.      Tomorrow is a new day.