Puns--These are Awe-ful!!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
 
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
 
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
 
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
 
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
 
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
 
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
 
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass'.
 
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
 
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
 
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
 
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!