Adams Apple; My core beliefs

In a major surprise announcement, a totally unknown incumbent entered the race for president. A Adam’s Apple from Missouri, addressed swarms of reporters in front of the state building, with his campaign speech he dubbed, “My core beliefs.”
   
    His number one promise to the people started as follows.
He said, in order to appease the big banks going out of business, his plan consisted of baking them all apple pies made from his own granny’s secret family recipe. Those pies would then go on sale for $4 a piece, the proceeds going to “Save the fat cat corporation”
   
    His environmental plan consisted of easy bake ovens, some flour, apples cored and chopped, a rolling pin, sugar, and all the necessary ingredients for apple tarts. Once the apple tarts were done, they would also be sold and set aside in a fund called, “Green Crab apple” aka more money to fill the pockets of the House of Representatives.
   
    In order to help the economy he had stated to refer to plans number one and number two.
  
            For the war in Iraq, what is the policy, you would ask?
His suggestion consisted of bringing the troops home long enough to give them some scalding hot apple cider, then shipping them back in order to give the enemy the surprise of their life, boiling hot cider in their face!
  
      For the issue of taxes, insisted that instead of taking large chunks of taxes from the working man’s pockets, we should take huge ripe, red apples, cut them into fours, and sell them on the street corners with our kid’s help, and all the proceeds would go in the Red Apple tax fund that would pay for more war, political debates, and other necessities such as a 7 billion dollar bailout plan, or as he calls it, another day at Washington D.C.
  
     After this amazing and appalling speech, the crowd mouth’s hung open with shock. And, all Adams Apple had to say for himself was “Vote for me, I’ll polish the government, and bake the issues and come out all fried up and ready to fight."
   
    Authors note: In case you’re offended easily, you should go read something else. This is meant to be a peeling and not meant to be taken too crucially.
    In other words, it’s a joke!
    A P.S. note, Beverly inspired me with her message to everyone in the group, Everything Apples. When she said not to post anything not having to do with apples. Especially not political debates. Except if an apple decides to run for office.
    Well, here you go, Beverly, thanks for being my friend, and making me funny. And, daring me to come up with this.
Hugs, and happy apple picking!