Your kids don't need another friend. They need a parent.

Okay, so I'm shopping by myself.  Something I've earned and much enjoy, most of the time. Today it seemed to be 'bring your smart mouthed kid with you' day. I tried to get away, but was blocked at every turn by another child complaining profoundly, loudly and if that weren't bad enough they were demanding.

I understand children, I do. I've raised two, one very spirited. I have a spirited granddaughter and I have a minor in Early Childhood Development. Kids I get. Parents I don't get.

When mine were small (insert 2-4) I made sure they were fed and rested before taking them into public. When they were hungry and tired, I took them home.  A tired, frustrated, hungry toddler is the fault of the parent. Don't scream at them to be quiet; take them home, feed them and put them down for a nap. Get over it, your life isn't your own and chances are good you won't ever get it back the way it was.

When mine acted out, they were little after all, it was handled on the spot. I didn't yell. No hitting was involved. They were told to behave or we were going to leave. If they didn't, we left immediately whether I was done or not.  Once I left a cart full of groceries, which I apologized profusely for to a clerk, who told me it was okay. Another time we had driven two hours to the beach. We were there thirty minutes and had to leave.  Mom said what she meant, meant what she said, and didn't say it mean.  They understood and we didn't have many problems.

Little ones being crabby is understandable. When a six year old is calling her father names, this is beyond unacceptable. I'm sorry, who's the grown-up?  I'm all for letting kids voice their feelings. In an appropriate manner. Name calling, demanding or yelling is not to be borne. Would you let another adult treat you this way? And honestly if you want to let your kids express themselves like this could you do us all a favor and leave them at home?

My daughter often told me, "I'm mad at you. You're not my friend.(I hate your gutts)"

My reply usually went like this, "I understand you're upset and that's okay. You have lots of friends. You don't need another friend, you need a mother(That's okay, my guts aren't here for you to love. I love you.)"

Daughter, "Everyone elses mom let's them!" (Is this line hard wired into our DNA?)

Me, "If I was their mother they wouldn't be doing it either."

Daughter, "That's not fair." (Again must be hard-wired as is the guts remark.)

Me, "Life's not fair and who ever told you it was lied to you."

Daughter.. Growl and stop from room.

***********************

Not once in the entire exchange did either of us yell, call names or be disrespectful. Okay so the I hate your guts wasn't very respectful but she was four. IT IS POSSIBLE to be a fun, yet firm Mom.

When their belongings were lost or broken due to neglect or abuse, they weren't replaced. Did I like seeing them faced with finality of their actions? No, it was highly unpleasant. They learned to take care of their things.

Drop the excuses people.

Yes parenting is hard. Get over it.

Yes children are head strong, individuals.. you wanted dolls?

Don't play the ADHD card either. You get what you get. Stand up, be the adult and learn how to work with your child. Being a hard-nose with a spirited child doesn't go far. Trying to be their friend is even worse. I had a spirited child and will admit I was ready to throw in the towel when she was three. 

Sad, but true. I didn't though and found innovative ways to guide her, not shove her, in an appropriate direction. It is doable! Flat out exhausting at times, but doable. The reward?

When she was fifteen and was set to run off with her boyfriend, because I couldn't make her stay. I calmly looked at her with her hand on the gate and said, "You go on ahead. I'll call the sheriff and he'll bring you home." I then went into the house.

Shortly she came storming in huffing about things being wholly unfair as she stomped to her room. I stayed silent as a stone, extremely grateful I didn't have to call the sheriff, because I would have and she knew it.

I flat out wasn't going to inflict (yes inflict is the word I want) whiny, excuse laden, victims on the world. I held them accountable for everything they ever did. Is it easier to blame the 'bad' crowd they are hanging around with? Yes it is, but if yours is so great what are they doing hanging with the rough crowd?

Peer pressure happens, and your child is still responsible for their actions. My kids weren't angels and no matter how badly I wanted to blame their friends I didn't. They were held accountable for their decisions.

So if you want to be lazy and let them crawl all over everything at the store, walk all over you, call you names and be disrespectful with no remorse or sense of accountability.. leave them at home. The rest of us don't want to be burdened with it.

I know for a fact I'm not the only mean, unreasonable parent left in these United States. I see scads of well behaved children. I see mothers brow beating a whine when it starts and fathers carrying wailing toddlers away from the play space.

Being friends with your child does them no service and does a great disservice to the rest of us who have to put up with them. Oops my bad?