Sonnet for a host
Wings spread from one ear of the sky to the other;
the snowy egret flying. We have talked about
Shelly; talked about weather; whether you still love
(here I have dwindled my voice as if sky has ears)
somebody or something and then watched the egret.
Awkward leaves hovering over the roof; none has
tried to clip their progress. This matches the mood.
Evening makes a progress in our head; molten gold.
Wings spread; we fly; then meet at a likely halt where
the host is as rigid as the two egrets’ tree,
as benevolent as one. He pretends that he
does not know, we need a talk and our talk shall end
at an inconvenient bend where we three will
watch the egrets without any regrets and qualms.
© 2009-Copyright reserved Kushal Poddar (reprinting is absolutely prohibited, without permission)
haiku
fireflies in a chasm
one long silence whelms
a giggling sound
© 2009-Copyright reserved Kushal Poddar (reprinting is absolutely prohibited, without permission)
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Comments: 89
If not, how amazing.............if yes, still amazing.
and that it repeats only what is taught.
I'm one that thinks that there is no reason to not know the truth of or from another, talking about the weather is simple and also telling however one never understands love as love is like spark plugs they either work or don't work.
love never easy like that as people are complicated while spark plugs aren't
Thanks John.
Keep up the good work. It's really appreciated.
Lloyd
Featured in the Triple Name Club.
a perfect host
Vinod Sailes
Vaish Associates Advocates
# 903, 9th Floor, Indraprakash Building,
21, Barakhamba Road,
New Delhi - 110 001 India
Ph.: +91-11-42492525
Direct +91-11-4249 2725
Mob: 9718629747
Email: vinodsailes@vaishlaw.com
My personal mail: vinod_sailes@hotmail.com
Although I took VRS from Gujarat Heavy Chemicals Ltd, New Delhi during 2002, I joined this firm only recently. But when I found out coming all the way from home to Connaught Place was too tedious and taxing, I decided to leave but my boss raised my pay by a hefty amount. So just stuck for some more time.
Thanks for coming.
Thank you for posting to Writing Essentials!
Marilyn (Monday, MWE)
Beautiful write, Kushal.
ha ha
loved it
Kushal, I liked the lazy evening, quiet flow of the words. The gentle feel was lovely. My favorite phrase was "inconvenient bend." A good pairing of words that really were descriptive. I commend you on dividing the rhyme "talk shall end
at an inconvenient bend where we three will..." It was left the poem, in my opinion, more lilting and kept the flow. Conversely, I was distracted by the play on weather and whether in the first stanza. While word play is important it was jarring in this piece and seemed out of place to me. The complexity of the phrasing and placement in the rest of your poem is lost there.
A lovely poem.
Nice to see vivi v. stepping out with confidence and sensitivity towards constructive critique.
For writers who hope to continue honing their craft, the intent of Honest Poetry Critique is a wonderful thing . We continue to learn when we think about our own writing forms and study the approach others are taking; what works and what doesn't.
Kushal's discipline as a poet has been displayed daily, over many months. He's always been receptive to suggestions, a fine example of student and budding mentor combined.
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Shall we go then you and I
When the evening is spread out against the sky
to speak of this or that or why
or maybe just listen to a lullaby...of birds
that sing and make their way into a tree
for us to look, to see, to share, to be.
and then eventually agree. ( that friendship is poetic)
postman of Autumn
sun on the guard’s gun
In reading Sonnet for a Host carefully, I'm picturing a scene where two lovers who've not seen each other for some time, one moving away from a subsequent relationship (weather/whether) are testing their un-clipped wings between the ears of the sky, (THIS I LOVE!). The elegance and beauty of a snowy egret is stunning, but you're right, take offs and landings are awkward. And then the host of this household walks in... "fireflies in a chasm ~ one long silence whelms ~ a giggling sound"...
Your poetry invites me to feel what you are conjuring. This entire scene was intact; both visually interesting and emotionally worn around the edge. My favorite combo.
A lovely addition to The Surreal Circus
postman of Autumn
postman of Autumn
invigorating imaginations and recalling senses. Like Vincent, Kushall paints with his soul, word pictures of infinite fascination and introspection. He invites his readers to interept
his magical musings and feel the interrelatedness. We are all blessed to enjoy such poetic prodigy.