Many experts recommend that your baby sleep in your room with you for the first six months. You might want to co-sleep to share your bed with your baby. The debate about the benefits versus dangers of this method rages among parents and professionals with pros and cons on each side. Some research suggests that you should not co-sleep with a baby of less than three months.
Some Things to Think About
A Quiet Night – co-sleeping can result in your baby waking less often and going back to sleep more quickly, so there may be extra rest for you.
Laid-back Night Feeds – it’s certainly easier to breastfeed if you are simply turning over in bed to do so, rather than getting up to feed tour baby. You’re likely to breastfeed for longer if you co-sleep.
Building Bonds – sleeping together means more time nestled up with your baby feeling close. However, it’s the love and attention you give her when she’s awake that creates the strong attachment between you, so she’ll still develop her sense of security whether she sleeps snug in her crib or cozy in bed with you.
You, Your Partner, and Your Baby – having your baby in your bed can be an effective, if unintended, contraceptive by making sex impossible. Sometime or other you’re going to want your physical intimacy back, and a baby in bed doesn’t allow for a sex life.
Co-Sleeping Safety
Some experts state it is never safe, while others offer safety guidance.
Don’t co-sleep if:
- you take medication that makes you drowsy
- you smoke, even if you don’t smoke in bed
- you have any alcohol or drugs in your system
- you are very tired or have a sleep disorder
- your baby was premature or weighed less than 5 ½ lbs at birth
- your baby is less than three months old
- you’re sleeping on a sofa, armchair, or waterbed
- other children share the same bed with you
Share your thoughts on co-sleeping and you could win a copy of DK’s Ask an Expert: Answers Every Parent Needs to Know. Gather will draw one participant who comments by August 18th to receive a copy of the book.
One entry per person who comments on this post. No purchase necessary. See official rules.
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Comments: 51
I have friends who tried co-sleeping, and when they wanted their child to start sleeping alone they had problems.
Then with my son now I didn't co-sleep for fear of making it where he would want to sleep with me and it didn't matter much because he wants to sleep with me all the time. I never had him in bed with me as a baby unless I stayed somewhere outside the home. Now it just depends but he is 3 next week and I sleep on the floor next to the bed to get him to sleep.
My final thoughts: I wouldn't sleep with a newborn baby. It's just to scary. I had a person in my family (like a great, great aunt) roll over on her baby while she was sleeping. My mom made it pretty clear we shouldn't do that when we had children and I don't believe she slept with any of us 7 children. I think it's best to use a bassinet right by the bed and when it's time to feed get the baby and feed them and after it's over put them back in bed.
I also think it's ok if you want to co-sleep I know many people that have and enjoyed that special time with their children.
Do what is right for you and your husband. It really doesn't matter what ever one else thinks. It's you and your child.
I never intended on cosleeping, and actually didn't really have a positive view of it before I had Maddie, but she just needed my closeness, and I needed my sleep. I soon realized how much I loved it.
I havn't told Charles pedi though. They have mentioned at each appt, that they recommend baby be in their own bed, beling laid down awake and putting htem self to sleep by four months. They ask if he has his own bed and well he does so I say yes. I don't mention that he just doesn't sleep in it.... Maddies pedi when she was a baby knew, and I wish we still had him, because he was great, but we had to move.
Rocking a baby to sleep is pleasant, but makes it hard for the baby to fall asleep in bed. Since we can't continue rocking when the kids get too big, it's not wise to start the habit.
When my daughter moved from her crib to a big girl bed, we put her new bed where the crib had been. She woke up seeing familiar things and it made the transition easier. When we took her crib apart, she wasn't sure she'd like the new bed, so we told her if she didn't like it, we would bring back the crib. She picked out Winnie the Pooh sheets and that made the new bed more exciting. We did not need to bring back the crib.
Once he started sleeping through the night it was much easier to get him to go to sleep , and I had almost no problem getting him to sleep from 6 months old on.
I'm not sure what I will do this time, (I'm due in two weeks) but I have the bassinet prepared for our room, and I will just see how things go.
My husband and I were very scared to co-sleep at first and tried many options before finding that it was the best choice for us and we now really enjoy it. My husband who was the most skeptical about it is now very much in favor of continuing until our son is ready to move into his own bed.
I think it is a very safe option, if done right. I would never co-sleep on a couch or while on sleeping aids. There is just too much risk. Also we are very careful about pillows and blankets when the child is very young.
Our baby (almost 2 months old) sleeps in his crib most of the time, but when he's fussy, or wakes up in the middle of the night to eat, he sleeps in our bed. I'm breastfeeding him, so it's just a lot easier that way, and he tends to sleep more soundly when he is in our bed.
When my second was born I decided she would be sleeping in bed with us. She just turned 4 and is still in bed with us. It's hard getting her out now, but I'm really glad that I did it anyway.
With number 3 there was no question that he would be sleeping in bed with us as well. One night I shot up out of bed because something didn't feel right. I looked at him in the dark and knew something was wrong. I yelled for Jason to turn on the light and Jonas was gasping for air. It ended up being okay (he had a cold and his airways were blocked from really thick mucus) but I just can't help but wonder what might have happened if he would have been in his own room, or even apart from me. The only thing that alerted me was a feeling while I was sleeping next to him. We also have always slept with a fan blowing near us, which I learned recently can cut down on SIDS because of the flow of air.
Sometimes I wish I had the bed to myself. But it feels good to cuddle with them and it's comforting to know that if anything happens I will be more likely to know right away. A monitor can't help if the death or pain is silent. They won't always want to snuggle with mama and in 10 years I know they won't be sleeping with me ever again. My babies don't need to become independent when they are only babies.
Also, he won't be this cuddly later on...I love having this special time with him while he likes to be close.
With each child I had a cradle next to the bed, a regular cradle that was not the bedside sleeping thing, and it worked well to keep baby close but safe for the first month of feedings being really close together. After night feedings stretched out, they went to their own cribs in their rooms with a monitor set up. I did not ever have an issue of children coming into my room to sleep, which would have bugged me alot since I have sleeping problems anyway. I sleep so light most times that I lay awake too much.
My two oldest sons were extremely easy babies and rarely cried, and so far my three-week-old son is even easier than they were. I give some of the credit to co-sleeping, as it really does strengthen the bond. With my three-week-old baby it really gives me peace of mind as well, as I am constantly checking on him anyway out of fear that something has happened to him.
We have never really had any problems with the transitioning from our bed to our own. In fact I think that co-sleeping actually helped the kids feel safe when there were major changes in their lives. My oldest son moved with me to Europe at 2 1/2, and started co sleeping with me for a while again, which made him feel safer. When my middle son was 11 months old, we returned to the US, and again he started co sleeping more for a while, before we transitioned him into his own bed.
The only problem we have with co-sleeping, is that our bed is getting too small. This morning my three-year-old came into snuggle after the sun went up, and when his six-year-old brother came to look for him, he decided to lay across the foot end of our bed. There was not much room left:)
When they were newborns and infants we always had them in their cribs though. It made for a better nights sleep for all of us.
Also, I view it as the "marriage bed," not the "family bed." If I had children, I would, obviously, be married (I refuse to be a single mother), and I wouldn't want a child in bed with myself and my husband.
Of course, all of this is neither here-nor-there. I'm not married and am not having kids, so it doesn't matter.
One very positive aspect of co-sleeping is that when a baby is brand-new it regulates its breathing according to its mom's breathing if they are in a face-to-face position while sleeping. Here's a link from Dr. Sears to confirm my last statement.
People needn't feel coerced into accepting co-sleeping, but neither should they attack it. How do y'all think that most of the people in the world sleep? When I lived in Thailand, entire families slept together. So much for co-sleeping nixing one's sex life.
I think we will have the next baby in his/her own bed from the beginning.
It was easy for me to wake up and pick them up beside me in the crib to feed them. This made it easy for me to tear them away from my room to their room when it was time.
Sleeping with your baby on the same bed with you is not the right thing to do. I have three friends who cannot tear their kids away from their bed and room and it is causing friction between them and their spouses. That is even minute. I have had a younger friend lose her baby because she was compressed between herself and her husband but both cannot tell how the baby died ( outside the country )
I have heard on the news more than six times how babies died while on the same bed with their parents.
When we are pregnant, we are filled with lots of stress, and when the baby is born we are so tired and we tend to want to sleep and gain back the energy we lost while pushing our babies out, that is when we dont want to put any baby on the bed, so we can spread out well. It is hard enough when you have to wake up at night to feed in between closed eyes.
So, to me, it's a no no to have the baby in bed with you, anything can happen.
The baby would get so use to sleeping with you that it would be harder to break the habit. The next thing you know you have a 5 year old sleeping with you and not being able to sleep in his/her own bed.
The parent, I don't think, in my opinion would be able to get enough rest, the parent would be laying there worrying about rolling over on top of the child, a parent has to get some rest. Also I think it could interrupt intimacy between the couple(if there is a significant other)
I always felt better with him in bed with us, especially after the "acute respiratory failure" thing that happened at 9 weeks old. Ever since then, I like to know he's breathing fine.
He's always in the middle (never, ever on the edge). He doesn't go in the bed unless we are both there. He loves it. :)
My husband is a big believer in co-sleeping (he has grown children).
To be honest, though, I think I might give this book to my neighbor who is expecting their first in right after Halloween.
Thanks so much!