JUST WONDERING ABOUT LOVE AND IF THERE ARE VARIOUS DEGREES

Having been raised my entire childhood in The Children's Home Society, located in Jacksonville, Florida; we children were not reared to become loving individuals. Love was not part of the orphanage agenda. Now, that's not to say that we were raised to be mean unkind spirited individuals. That portion of our lives seem to happen, years later, because of all the verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse we children suffered at the hands of our caretakers.

I have had many pets throughout the years and I have always taken very good care of them. I lay in bed last night petting my three legged cat, Cinnamon, wondering why I feel so much more love for them than I do toward most human beings.

It is because they are at my mercy; just as I was at the mercy of the orphanage matrons? How could I say such a thing? There was no "mercy" as far as the orphanage matron was concerned. We children were not fed, clothed and housed out of love or consideration. We were given those types of things because if not we would have died. No firm or company in the business of making money wants their product to just disappear into thin air. The orphanage made sure that we children were made aware of that fact hundreds of thousands of times.

There is this relaxing warmth, contentment and comfort I feel inside when my pets are close to me. Having never known love as a child, I have always had to guess if what I was feeling toward others was actually love itself, or just a very strong consideration or an overwhelming feeling of kindness.

The love I feel for all my grandchildren is the most wonderful feeling I have ever known. It appears to be very similar to the feeling I have for my animals. How can that be? Is our feeling of "love" for other human beings the same feelings of love that one feels for other things in their lives, even material possessions? Often I hear people say they love their car or their big screen television. Certainly that is not true and cannot be anywhere close to the feelings felt for their family and/or friends, or is it?

It might seem strange to many that people such as I would question what the feeling of love feels like. I suppose most people, because of the upbringing and family experiences, automatically know what love feels like. Never having been loved as a child leaves one having to guess what such a feeling actually feels like. When trying to do so; in the far reaches of his (or her mind) certain comparisons are made against other feelings such as kindness, consideration, respect and other emotions actually known to that person. It is like a child who has never tasted ice cream before and someone tells them about such a product. From the description they are given; they can only make comparisons to what is actually stored in their memory. Trying to describe what oranges tastes like to someone who has never seen or heard of an orange, yet has eaten an apple; the description of round, firm, orange and grown in a tree with result in the taste of an apple in their mind rather than the actual taste of an orange. And that is my question:

Is the actual feeling of love for human beings, animals and personal possessions the same feeling; only in different degrees?

I do know this; the wonderful feelings I have for my family has been taught and instilled in me, throughout the years, by the many animals that have touched my life. I hope this is the feeling that humans call "love" and that it is what others feel toward their fellowman.