by Charlene C.
Member since:
August 15, 2007

Taking Back My Independence: Reflecting on how I will survive as a single woman

September 08, 2007 10:11 AM EDT
views: 52 | rating: 10/10 (10 votes) | comments: 19

Recently I posted a poem "Invisible" and my yahoo 360 blog which was a reflection on being blind.  I hope you read it.  I am not totally blind, but depend on others for many things, one of which is transportation.  I have alway been able to find resourses to help in my time of need, but if not, then I changed my plans to fit the transportation availability.   When someone learns to become independent from others as a blind or legally blind person, that is a very invigorating feeling that "rocks" their world.  Through a recent failed marriage I had to become used to relying on outsiders again for my transportation.  Each time I find myself in this situation I become nervous, but also excited to have that part of my independence back.  So now I am giving my landlord the 30 day move out notice.  I am searching for an apartment on the city transportation route so that I will be able to ride the bus to work and to the necessary places like grocery store, drugstore, etc.  I am nervous about the move and decision to become more independent, but at the same time, I am excited to have more independence and less reliance on someone else. 

My question to you is: ponder what you would feel if you could no longer drive your car for whatever reason; work, school, church, store, etc. 

Now I ask you to please comment on what thoughts you were thinking on terms of transportation.  How do you think you would solve this delimma?
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Comments: 19

Melinda ~choosing happiness~ S. Sep 8, 2007, 10:36am EDT
I live in the country and there is no public transportation available here, so I would be forced to moved from my home into a place that has public transportation. Initially I would hate it, but would try to learn to look at it as 'the next phase' of my life, and find the good in my new living situation.
Jennifer Kirkpatrick Sep 8, 2007, 10:37am EDT
Char, I was without a car for two years with three kids and to tell the truth there was freedom in that also. I found that walking kept me in great shape, and in a way I was able to fully focus on my writing instead of being distracted all the time. This is a great and exciting time for you, as I have also done the divorce type of situation three times. Each time it happened I grew more and more! Tying into a nice network of women, perhaps a woman's group might be a great idea! Living in the city has it's risks but also has more great resources. Congratulations!
Jennifer B. Sep 8, 2007, 11:01am EDT
My best friend has epilepsy and has not been able to drive for about 8 years. She lives in a suburban neighborhood with little or no public transportation. She and her husband have 3 children and while her husband is very helpful he does work full time to support the family. She developed an elaborate network of friends to help with her daily activities. We pull together to help bring kids to doctor's appointments and playdates and do the grocery shopping. Sure life would be different if she could use public transportation, but I'm not sure it would be any more simple.
Roger Kiser Sep 8, 2007, 11:10am EDT
I do many interviews for the ACB Network (Blind Radio Network) and have met some of the nicest people I have ever known. You might go to their web site and you will meet many new friends. It is amazing how most blind people accept others for 'what they are' rather than for 'who they are.'

http://www.acbradio.org/pweb/

Roger
Tonya M. Sep 8, 2007, 11:14am EDT
I wish you luck and you can do it I beleive in you if you ever need a friend I am here. I don't know how I would handle it if I could not drive my car I have school work and I am a single mom.
Sensational Sadie Sexy Senior Sitizen Sep 8, 2007, 1:09pm EDT
I went through 6 months of casts on my right leg during which time I could not drive. Being reliant on others is a humbling experience. I am lucky to live in a community where there are actually 4 bus systems. Coralville and Iowa City are adjacent to each other and both have city bus systems. The University of Iowa has the Cambus system that is free to anyone. As part of this system there are several bionic buses which have wheelchair lifts. These bionic buses will pick you up at your home by appointment and take you to wherever you need to go. I used the Bionic Cambus to get to and from work when I was in casts and on crutches. In addition the county has handicapped buses available at little or no cost. I used the city bus system for 17 years while still employed and still do some now that I am retired.
Cindy M. Sep 8, 2007, 2:34pm EDT
I went from asix day a week 10 hr day to Being able to get out of bed and dress.I lost my passion,my drive,my finances.I had never been dependent on someone else and it was extremely hard to accept help from my husband.A deeply humbling experience.There was such a shift in my world and my perspective.
In an effort to regain some self respect,I forced myself to get a computer;familiarize myself with it enough to put my artwork on it in an attempt to make some money.I am so secluded that there is little employment.I need to fine tune my abilities on the puter and expand my sites to reach more people.
I do seem to be following a trend that many other women going thru the big M are turning to;a new career,a different path in life.
Charlene C. Sep 8, 2007, 2:58pm EDT
Thank you for your comments. It is good to see that other people have also found solutions to transportation challenges when necessary. Amazing how well we cope when we need to. There are many resourses available if only one has the desire and tenacity to keep looking until they find success.
Barb M Sep 8, 2007, 3:07pm EDT
We depended on friends alot for a while. the bus didn't come out to where we were at, even though we live in suburbia (the growth out here is so rapid transit can't keep up).
Sue * Sep 8, 2007, 8:51pm EDT
Driving alone is not the easiest thing for me. I do it, but at the worst of my problems with panic I lost the ability to drive alone completely for a while. I do it now, but I can't say that I ever enjoy it, and I won't drive out of town alone...so, I do depend on someone to go with me when I have to leave town. Personally, I hate being dependent on others for anything, but it has become a way of life for me...and generally, I just work my out of town things around my husband's schedule so as not to inconvenience anyone else.
Jim Swan Sep 8, 2007, 10:57pm EDT
I've often thought about this, not in terms of blindness, but in terms of other possible kinds of driving impairments. Fortunately, Japan has good public transportation. It would take me a lot longer to get places, but the adjustment would not be major.

I do feel sorry for people on wheelchairs here, though, but their situation has been noted and improvements are continually appearing.
Paul J. Sep 10, 2007, 10:16am EDT
Charlene, I would have great difficulty if my transportation were limited. I am retired and enjoy some travel to Europe to visit my 2 sons who work there for the government.

I'm sure I would become more independent if I had your handicap but I still could not imagine not being able to drive. Nor do I relish the thought !!

I give you the most uplifting credit for "dealing" with your blindness. What else could you do??? Not sure since youhave no choice.

I will pray that you are able to do anything you must and everything you would like.

Continue to be independent with the desire to do more when possible.

pj
Laura C. Sep 10, 2007, 10:24am EDT
I currently live in a location where I can walk to most places I need to go (including my job). There's public transportation that goes to the grocery store and downtown and such.

While being independent is a great goal, don't forget the usefulness of friends. Good friends will be happy to help out and having a support network keeps you happy and unstressed.
I did without a car for five years at one time.... no fun. But I wasn't partially sighted. You have my admiration for your courage.
Debra N. Sep 10, 2007, 2:39pm EDT
It is wonderful that you are taking these steps toward more independence. It takes tremendous courage to face such a disability day after day. If you are moving into a building with other tenants, never hesitate to accept an offer of assistance or friendship. Others get a good feeling from lending a helping hand, and no doubt you will repay in your own way with other kindnesses towards them.
Shannon S. Sep 10, 2007, 4:13pm EDT
My 93-year old grandmother just lost her driver's license (didn't get it renewed due to her eye site). Thank God! When I talk with her, I try to remind her that most folks like to be helpful, especially if there is a specific way they know they can help. She lives in a small town, and it really isn't out of anyone's way to give her a ride to Church, etc.
linda d. Sep 15, 2007, 5:46pm EDT
Charlene, Just because we loose a function of our body, or limb its what we think of ourselves. Handicapped or not. I myself is limited in some ways of what I can do, I have many handicapped friends and involved with a group in Louisiana that are working hard to create a camp, (recreation and education camp) for adults and children and their families. We will be located in Central Louisiana. Everyone on the board has some handicapped. We do not look at each other with having a handicapped. If anyone is interested in knowing more about our camp to be click on to www.campatchafalaya.org Click on to our newsletters and read exciting stories with our talented writers. I bet you can be of some help as a writer for our newsletter. Would you be interested. We are not getting paid yet, but trying to keep our name out in the public eye. We are one of the 77 programs with the state, but with Katrina hiting us so hard the state wants to see our camp come to be. We are located in a holy place. You are doing well by moving on with your handicapped , just remember everyone in some way are handicapped. We can do anything sighted people can do just work a little slower, but do it well. God Bless, Linda D.
Lauren C. Sep 16, 2007, 7:05pm EDT
I'd be in big trouble without a car. My disability is in lower back pain, which is at its worst when I'm standing or walking. And the neighborhood I live in is not well-served by buses.

I'm sure I'd find a way to cope, I always do, but I don't even want to *think* about it!


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