Life with Depression, et. al

I am a 45 year old female. The first time I was diagnosed with depression was while I was in college. I faced a tramatic event, and in trying to deal with this event, I went into a deep depression and paranoia. I went to counseling at the time, and was placed on medication. At this point in my live, I was very active (intramural sports, swimming, jogging, walking and aerobics, in addition to hours of dancing at clubs at night). I stopped drinking during this time, as I felt it might hamper the treatment of depression. I felt better, had more energy, and felt that I had beaten the depression.

About 5 years later, I suddenly started avoiding contact with my family and friends and wanted no physical contact. A friend of mine, made me go to a group counseling session, and helped me to work my way out of this round. Again, medication helped as well. During this time, I was working a good job, with a very stable company. I had recently been diagnosed with a medical condition that would keep me from having any children. I think this diagnosis might have been what "threw me over", especially with the stress of my job, and working a part time job as well.

During the next 10 years, I stayed busy, working and taking care of house/home. I purchased a house on my own, and felt very satisfied and comfortable with life. However, there was always that nagging feeling that everything was too good to be true (generalized anxiety disorder?).  I went to my employment one day, and was called into H.R., due to an error that was made, my supervisor released me from employment. After a day of crying, I obtained a job at a landscape company. This was hot/hard work, but I enjoyed it. I would work in the landscape yard all day, then come home and work in my own garden until dark. The physical exhaustion, and physical activity was great therapy for me.

A friend of mine, gave a copy of my resume to someone she knew in Tulsa, Oklahoma (550 miles from my home of San Antonio). Within a week, I was being flown into Tulsa, set up in a hotel and interviewed. Two weeks later, I was in training at this company. During the time that I was working at the landscape company, and starting the new job, I was experiencing extreme pain in my lower back, right leg, and lower abdomen. Since I had no insurance, I stoically dealt with this. I would say on a day to day basis, my pain was a 9 or 10. After 3 months of employment, I was able to see an orthopedic surgeon. When the MRI was done, I had a 90% compression on two sections of the lumbar region. Two weeks later, I was in surgery. After this surgery, I met my husband and we married. Over the next six years, I had a subsequent back surgery, and a cervical fusion on 2 sections of my neck. I was determined to get back to the activity level that I had achieved when I was able to work in my yard and garden. It has now been 5 years since my last back/neck surgery. I have had a hysterectomy since, and that seemed to be no big deal. I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and that is a daily struggle.

About six years ago, I was put back on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, several non-narcotic pain pills, a pill to help me sleep, a pill to improve my energy during the day. I am on 8 vitamins/supplements and 15 prescription medications. I face pain everyday, and have a numb right leg.~~~~~ HOWEVER, thru all of this, my husband and I have taken multiple trips (2 to the Grand Tetons/Yellowstone, a train trip from Denver to San Francisco, a train trip from Seattle to Vancouver, a cruise to Alaska-then a railroad trip to Anchorage and Fairbanks, 3  cruises to the Carribean). We are always looking for where our next trip will take us and we make accomodations for my abilities to lift/carry, my energy level and my sleep difficulties.

One of the most difficult aspects of chronic pain/depression is how it has affected my employment. I had worked in credit card collections for almost 20 years. I realized after this amount of time, that 1)the job can be stressful, 2)the people that work in collection jobs are not the nicest people to be around, and 3)the people that I was working for were manipulative and dishonest. Although I was very good at my job (I dealt with people with compassion, and respect), the outside factors (i.e., work environment), was not good for my health/emotional status. I continue to be on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, pain pills, but I feel that I am handling eveything better, and obtaining a better understanding of the way pain and depression are linked.