MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND'S GRATITUDE,SELF-ESTEEM,JOURNAL

GRATITUDE
1.  GOD
2.  SOBRIETY
3.  MYSELF
4.  ARCHIE
5.  MY MAMA
6.  MY STEPDADDY, DALTON
7.  KAYLA, MY DAUGHTER
8.  CHRIS, MY SON
9.  TISH, MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
10. RAYNA, MY GRANDDAUGHTER
11. KAREN, MY SISTER
12. LYNN, MY BROTHER-IN-LAW
13. ANNIE, MY NIECE
14. AARON, MY NEPHEW
15. JOSH, MY NEPHEW
16. LEON, MY NEPHEW
17. SPAZ, MY 1 YEAR OLD MALE KITTY
18. TIGER, MY 4 YEAR OLD MALE KITTY
19. ANGEL, MY 6 MONTH OLD FEMALE PUPPY
20. PRINCESS, MY 6 MONTH OLD FEMALE PUPPY
21. DAVA, MY 2 YEAR OLD FEMALE COATIMUNDI
22. DEVON, MY 1 YEAR OLD MALE COATIMUNDI
23. BEBE, MY 4 WEEK OLD FEMALE DUMBO RAT
24. MY HOME
25. MY CAR

SELF-ESTEEM
1.   I LIKE THAT I HAVE A LOVING FAMILY.
2.   I LOVE MY FAMILY.
3.   I LIKE THAT I HAVE LOTS OF PETS.
4.   I LOVE MY PETS.
5.   I LIKE THAT MY HUSBAND LOVES ME.
6.   I LOVE MY HUSBAND.
7.   I LIKE THAT I HAVE A JOB.
8.   I LOVE MY JOB.
9.   I LIKE THAT I HAVE GOOD MUSIC ON MY COMPUTER.
10. I LIKE THAT I HAVE A MP3 PLAYER.
11. I LIKE THAT I GOT A LOT OF PICTURES TAKEN OF MY FAMILY LAST NIGHT.
12. I LIKE THAT I WILL HAVE EVEN MORE PICTURES OF MY FAMILY TAKEN NEXT SATURDAY.
13. I LIKE THAT I WILL BE PICKING UP A DISK FULL OF PICTURES FROM WALMART THIS WEEKEND.
14. I LIKE THAT I GOT OFF OF WORK EARLY TODAY.
15. I LIKE THAT I HAVE PAID TIME OFF PLUS MY REGULAR DAYS OFF FOR FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND.
16. I LIKE THAT I WILL BE GOING TO SIX FLAGS ON FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND.
17. I LIKE THAT I AM GOING TO SEE WWE LIVE ON THE 27TH OF JUNE.
18. I LIKE THAT I HAVE PAID TIME OFF FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS OF MY SHIFT ON THE 27TH OF JUNE.
19. I LIKE THAT I HAVE PAID TIME OFF FOR THE FIRST HOUR OF MY SHIFT ON THE 28TH OF JUNE.
20. I LIKE MYSELF.
21. I LIKE THAT I KNOW THAT I AM GETTING DEPRESSED AND THAT I NEED TO WATCH MYSELF.
22. I LIKE THAT I HAVE ALL OF MY HOMEWORK DONE UNTIL WEDNESDAY.
23. I LOVE MY GATHER FRIENDS.
24. I LIKE THAT IF I FEEL LIKE AND IF I AM AWAKE THAT I WANT TO GO TO AN AA MEETING TOMORROW.
25. I LOVE THAT I COMMENTED BACK TO EVERYONE THAT COMMENTED ON MY IMAGE.

JOURNAL
MY MAMA, MY STEPDADDY, AND MY DAUGHTER WERE AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE LAST NIGHT WHERE WE ALL, INCLUDING MY SON, MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, AND GRANDDAUGHTER, ALL HAD DINNER. WE PLAYED GAMES AND BOTH TIMES, KAYLA WON. I WENT TO WORK TODAY BUT GOT OFF EARLY BECAUSE IT WAS SLOW DUE TO BEING A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. I THINK THAT I GET PAID ON MONDAY EVEN THOUGH I AM OFF WORK BUT I AM NOT SURE. IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE PAID EVEN THOUGH I AM OFF OF WORK.  I AM VERY DEPRESSED OVER EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON IN MY LIFE LATELY. THE MEDICINE DOESN'T HELP AND ME BEING AN UNTREATED, THE MEDICINE DOESN'T WORK ON ME, BIPOLAR WITH MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER DOESN'T HELP EITHER. I HAVE PHYSICALLY BEEN GETTING SICKER SINCE THURSDAY AND TODAY WAS MY WORST DAY. SO ADD THAT AND MY DEPRESSION TOGETHER, ARCHIE DIDN'T THINK IT WAS WISE TO TAKE ME ON A LONG ROADTRIP THIS WEEKEND SO HERE I SIT ALONE BECAUSE I SENT HIM SNAKE HUNTING. I FEEL LIKE I AM HOLDING HIM BACK BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS SICK. I AM SO SICK OF BEING SICK ALL THE TIME AND STILL HAVING TO BE THE STRONG ONE BUT NEVER COMING FIRST IN ANYONE'S LIFE. MY DADDY SAID THAT HE WAS GOING TO SKIP SEEING ME FOR JUST 30 MINUTES YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WORK ON HIS TRUCK. I AM USED TO HIM BLOWING ME OFF BECAUSE HE HAS ALWAYS DONE THAT BUT YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT HE ACTUALLY TOLD ME THAT SOMETHING CAME BEFORE ME. THEN THERE IS PERSONAL STUFF WITH ARCHIE AND ME, LIKE INSTEAD OF COMING HOME AFTER TAKING ME TO WORK THIS MORNING TO GET READY TO GO OUT OF TOWN, WHICH IS WAS HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AND SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO, HE WENT SNAKE HUNTING AND GOT THE CAR STUCK. I GOT OFF OF WORK AT 8:30 AM AND STARTED CALLING HIM TO COME PICK ME UP BUT DIDN'T GET A HOLD OF HIM UNTIL 9:15 AM BUT HE NEVER SHOWED UP TO PICK ME UP FROM WORK SO I CALLED MY SON, CHRIS, TO COME GET ME AT 10:30 AM AND DIDN'T GET HOME UNTIL 11 AM. I THEN STARTED CALLING THE JAIL, THE HOSPITALS, ARCHIE'S HANGOUTS, HIS DAD, HIS BROTHER, AND HIS SPONSOR BUT NEVER FOUND HIM. I SENT HIS SON HOME. ARCHIE CALLED ME AROUND NOON TELLING ME THAT HE HAD GOT THE CAR STUCK IN THE SAND AND THAT HIS PHONE WAS ON SILENT BUT HE DIDN'T REALIZE IT. I TOLD HIM HE SHOULD HAVE CALLED OR EVEN TOLD ME WHAT WAS UP AT 9:15 AM SO I WOULD HAVE KNOWN TO FIND ANOTHER RIDE HOME. I THOUGHT HE WAS OUT GETTING HIGH AGAIN. WELL ANYWAYS I SENT HIM SNAKE HUNTING TONIGHT BUT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO THE HARLEY SHOP AT 3 PM AND HE STILL ISN'T HOME. IT IS NOW 10 PM AND I HAVEN'T RECIEVED A PHONE CALL TO SEE HOW I AM AFTER TAKING MY SHOT AT 7:15 PM OR HOW I AM SINCE I HAVE BEEN AND AM SICK AND DEPRESSED. I GUESS I DON'T EVEN COME FIRST WITH MY OWN HUSBAND. MAN, THIS STINKS. I ALWAYS PUT MY LOVED ONES FIRST. I JUST DON'T GET IT. I DON'T THINK THAT IT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK TO COME BEFORE THE SNAKES AND THE HARLEY WITH MY HUSBAND OR TO COME BEFORE THE TRUCK WITH MY DAD. MAYBE IT IS TOO MUCH TOO ASK. ANYWAYS, I AM REALLY SICK AND DEPRESSED SO I AM OFF TO TAKE AN AVEENO BATH TO GET RID OF THE ITCHING AND TO RELIEVE SOME OF THE PAIN. I PROBABLY WON'T BE BACK ON HERE UNTIL WEDNESDAY. I STARTED ON CHANTIX TO QUIT SMOKING YESTERDAY TOO. WISH ME LUCK PLEASE AND PLEASE KEEP IN YOUR PRAYERS. THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT. SORRY. I SEEM TO ALWAYS BE COMPLAINING OR WHINING. I DON'T MEAN TO. SORRY. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND! GOODNITE AND SWEET DREAMS!