The Washington Post has published the winning submissions for their annual contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. coffee: (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted: (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate: (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade: (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly: (adj.) impotent.
6. negligent: (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph: (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle: (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence: (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash: (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. rectitude: (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. pokemon: (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
13. oyster: (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
14. Frisbeetarianism: (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. Do you have any alternate meanings for common words?
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