Domestic Abuse Services?

We have shelters and organizations against spousal abuse (men get abused also).
I know of some groups here in Detroit where women and children may live and they are protected and in hiding. Even if you know of a place you may not know where it physically is unless you are living there.
People seem to think that any woman who stays with an abusive spouse should just leave. It's not so easy if you are working, have children and have been beaten and know the man will come after you. You can't stay with friends or family because that's the first place he'll look. You may be in fear for your life. Women have been stalked and killed by their men. Even a piece of paper that says he is not to come near you is not going to be much of a detterent. Even when the police answer a domestic disturbnance call, there is still the fear of what he will do when he gets out and the woman feeling she has betrayed the man and will allow him to return for the honeymoon make up period only to begin to abuse her again. Sad to say, a lot of these situations end with someone incarcerated or dead. I guess the only
prevention may be that you try to find out if a man you are seeing is prone to that sort of thing. But how do you safely do that? Aggravate him in a "safe" place? Disagree with him in front of his friends? Sure, this may help you to find out, but he may not stop at your discovery. For these type of men part of the attraction is subduing someone or the fear of losing them. Luckily, I have never had the misfortune of this type of relationship, but I let a man know what I am like (assertive and my own person) early on. And if I attract one like that he doesn't hang around. I don't know what to say otherwise. I was 'trying' to date a man that I later learned was very jealous and bossy. One time he was visiting and began to boss me around. I told him to leave. He took his time. I quickly (without having any fear, mind you) picked up the phone and called a friend of mine. I told her that if this call was cut off to call the police to my apartment. Then I began telling her the man's name, where he lived, etc. I kept talking to her until he left. Again I was lucky because he never bothered me after that. So, I guess I could say that jealousy may be a sign and I have never found that cute or attractive. You may be giving your male cousin a peck on the cheek and he gets killed by your jealous man. There is really no guarantee. Abuse is the kind of thing that may not show up for awhile. As you can probably tell I know of lots of abused women. They are usually too ashamed for anyone to know. I guess I haven't been much help, but I just wanted to get across that these women (usually women) just can't up and leave. Remember the Farah Fawcett movie "The Burning Bed"? Her character was abused until she killed her husband.

Thee is never a good reason for domestic violence or a good reason to stay. There are a lot of services and people that can help. The women may not be able to get up and leave as easy as they would like, but if they have any time at all alone in a day, there are ways to get intervention. It is scary I agree, but I would NEVER tolerate it even one time and I would figure a way out. Just my opinion.

I think Karen Dabney summed it up very well.

I have a dear friend who has been married to an abusive man for years - he is both emotionally and physically abusive. It's so sad. I miss her. She used to be a strong woman but he has broken her soul. She is not allowed to contact me because her husband knows I have referred her to domestic abuse agencies before. She always ends up blaming herself for the things he does to her. "Well, if I hadn't talked back..." "Well, if I had kept dinner warm for him..." It's so painful to watch.

too many times you blame yourself. Most people that are abused, have spent their lives taking the blame, spent never feeling good enough for anyone or anything. Even if they manage to leave a situation, they are always at risk to end up in another one for the same things. Insecurity being one of the biggest ones. Me? yes I have. I was able to tell myself I wasn't abused. He didn't hit me. I got away because he tried to pull me away from the one lifeline that kept me sane growing up, my best friend Missy, and he started hurting the children. That was the last straw. Hurt me, I am the problem, I am the screwup, the failure, and lifes biggest mistake, but not my kids, they were the ONLY thing I have ever done right....So I stood up, I said NO MORE, and I left him standing therre staring as I walking away, in totall denial the I could possibly do that to HIM!! Yes there are programs, and some of the can be very good, but it is hard to inforce a protective order

Great discussion question.

There don't seem to be enough. I have a friend whose ex beat her up a lot, she even needed stitches around her mouth where he'd hit her while she was in chemo and had lost all of her hair. It is a terrible situation to be in.

I hate the system, when DYFs gives kids back to drug addicted moms something is wrong!

Hmm... honestly, I don't know that much about the subject.

Thanks

I am a survivor of domestic violence, so I appreciate you writing about this.

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