by Bridget ♥
Member since:
September 18, 2006

After a YEAR of not talking to us and now you WANT something?!?! (Rant/Vent)

January 21, 2009 04:59 PM EST (Updated: January 21, 2009 05:11 PM EST)
views: 206 | comments: 65

Some people never cease to amaze me with their stupidity.  Many times, it seems like family members can take stupidity to an entirely new level!

It's been almost exactly a year, give or take a few days, since we had last seen my husband's brother, his wife and their two kids.  The only reason I can remember that is because it was right after Stephy's 4th birthday.  They were visiting from out of town, they had moved for several months and were in the area for a few days.

I won't go into details but a few things happened while they were at our house and my hubby called them out on it, because we didn't want our kids around that behavior!  They got madand left. 

His brother called later that night with so many excuses, but my hubby wouldn't buy them!  We knew better!  We didn't hear from them again after that!

They moved back to our area about 7 or 8 months ago, we heard this through my hubby's mom and sister.  His brother didn't call or anything, we didn't care!  We had moved on because we don't have time for drama or childish behavior.

Well, we were watching tv over the weekend and the dogs started barking like crazy.  We got up to see who was here and low and behold....

 

it was hubby's brother and the two kids.

 

We were both shocked to say the least!  His brother came in and stated talking like nothing had ever happened!  Which was fine, we weren't mad at them, we just didn't want certain things in our house and around our kids.

They were here for about 30 minutes and then it happened...

He asked if he could borrow $100!  That's the ONLY reason he came over!  They used to borrow money from us all the time and they never paid us back!  We know that if we loan them money, we give it to them instead!

I was instantly ticked off, talk about nerve!  How dare he!  I didn't say anything though, because I knew my hubby would handle it!  Anyways, hubby said he didn't have any cash on him.  End of story.  His brother left about 5 minutes later!  I doubt we will be hearing from him again anytime soon!

 

The money isn't the issue - it's deeper and more complicated than that!

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Comments: 65

Amy Ostrander Jan 21, 2009, 5:03pm EST
I've had that happen to me before, sad that it comes between families - it did in my situation...
Sally L. Jan 21, 2009, 5:03pm EST
That is sad. We all have family like that I think
*Mel * Jan 21, 2009, 5:04pm EST
Ive ben in this situation before as well so i can relate!
Alta B. Jan 21, 2009, 5:05pm EST
Yep - been there...done that. It always amazes me how some people just think that we every day common people owe them something. I could go on and on ranting about how people use other people. I think prayer is needed.
Anne Marie A. Jan 21, 2009, 5:05pm EST
I'm sorry this happened to you both and by your husband's brother.
♥Tabitha Cowan♥ Jan 21, 2009, 5:05pm EST
Gotta love family that only wants to be around you when they want something from you! I have to say you are better off without them in your life, as bad as that is to say about family.
chelsie t. Jan 21, 2009, 5:06pm EST
I know what you mean!!! My brother is pretty much the same way. He lives in a complete different state and whenever he decides to come visit he just wants everything handed to him.

I hate when people do this.

Dont they understand that family is family he needs to quit using you guys for money and that if anything happens to you guys he wont have a chance to say hes sorry.

I wish people only knew how short/long life is and all the years they can waste being mad at family memebers. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. =[
Deborah R. Jan 21, 2009, 5:06pm EST
Sounds like sme people i know. I can completely understand you being ticked.
Bridget ♥ Jan 21, 2009, 5:07pm EST
Tabitha,

We feel the same way! Just because they are family/related doesn't mean we have to deal with them and have them in our lives!
karen h. Jan 21, 2009, 5:09pm EST
your so right to me angry but , my mouth would have not stayed shut I would have went off on him !!!!
Vivian P. Jan 21, 2009, 5:10pm EST
Hugs
Bridget ♥ Jan 21, 2009, 5:13pm EST
I didn't say anything because I knew my hubby was going to take care of it! That's the ONLY reason I didn't say anything!
Renita P. Jan 21, 2009, 5:13pm EST
Sorry to hear that. I know the money isn't the issue as we should consider it a gift even if we do hope to get it back (just for our own peace of mind when it DOESN"T come back). But it's hurtful when people just use you like that (or try to)
Ang, wandering aimlessly, G. Jan 21, 2009, 5:17pm EST
I have family like that. Only call when they need something. I don't have time for the drama with them.
Teresa A. Jan 21, 2009, 5:22pm EST
Sad but I am sure it happens every day.
.* Sandi * Jan 21, 2009, 5:23pm EST
wow
thats sad, to only come visit for money
MrsRoad Runner Jan 21, 2009, 5:27pm EST
Family is great hu?
I have family the same way. My brother called out of the blue, needed something no big deal but I said in shock "My brother is on the phone"?? Spent two hours or something helping him through something.
In your situation I wonder if mom did not say to him, hey call your brother!? The wife did not come, which makes me wonder why?

Family is family. Might as well get used to it....... of course you should be mad and need to let the matriarch of the family know. In my situation this is my mother, if we kids or the grandkids have a problem which is to hard to tell which ever family member head on, tell mother she will tell whomever. I hate getting in the middle - yuk! But find I am in the middle more then I like. When mom passes on I know I do not want the job as matriarch!

Good luck!
Holli G. Jan 21, 2009, 5:31pm EST
wow!
tammie p. Jan 21, 2009, 5:31pm EST
such a sad story
Candy S. Jan 21, 2009, 5:31pm EST
Isnt family great.
Bridget ♥ Jan 21, 2009, 5:32pm EST
Mrs.Road Runner -

The majority of our issues lie with the wife, our sister-in-law! She probably knows she wouldn't be "safe" if she stepped into our house, especially if she's the same way as last time she was here!
kelldogg ! Jan 21, 2009, 5:34pm EST
that stinks . . . sorry he's such a mooch!
carla m. Jan 21, 2009, 5:35pm EST
Sorry your having to deal with this Bridgett, Sometimes family are the hardest to deal with because they know we will love each other unconditionally, I have learned that this last year, I love my brothers and sisters and I still love them know matter how they act or how they choose to live there lives, Had to learn the hard way that no matter how mad I get at them for there behavior that I have to let it go when you lose one of them it shows you what is truely important in your life. I wish so many times I could have gone back and made amends for something that was just burried under the rug but its to late now he is gone and I will never get that chance with him , but I can with the other siblings
Beverly T. Jan 21, 2009, 5:36pm EST
I'm so sorry you have to experience something like this in your family. I think you are right to be upset. Stick to your guns. There's a principle, and it doesn't do the family (hubby's brother's) any good to let this pass. Hang in there, stay tough.
Dagmara H. Jan 21, 2009, 5:39pm EST
that would make mad and sad too
Elle L. Jan 21, 2009, 5:44pm EST
Wow. I would be upset to. My husband has some family that is like that, not borrowing money, but they will bad mouth people and just be nasty, then hide from all the trouble that they cause for a while then pop up like nothing. It's frustrating. I am sorry you have to deal with it.
Nellie (The Bad Santa of Gather) Jan 21, 2009, 5:47pm EST
wow...sometimes you wonder
Lisa Frost Jan 21, 2009, 6:11pm EST
that is something.
Stacey *Mamasaid* D. Jan 21, 2009, 6:15pm EST
That's awful. We keep family like that at a distance now too.
Desiree T. Jan 21, 2009, 6:19pm EST
so sorry
Jill~Sexy Back~ V. Jan 21, 2009, 6:20pm EST
WOW! Some people have a lot of nerve!
j - Frugal Mom - r. Jan 21, 2009, 6:27pm EST
That's so sad.
Brenda H. Jan 21, 2009, 6:57pm EST
"never loan money to family that you can't afford to lose..." Hubby's daughter got us for $6000, with a promise to pay back. GUESS WHAT?!? We learned a very costly lesson.
Larry H. Jan 21, 2009, 7:09pm EST
I have a stepbrother like that, he never got any either..
Christy F. Jan 21, 2009, 7:28pm EST
so sorry!
Myria H. Jan 21, 2009, 7:32pm EST
What can I say? You just never know about some people.
Jessica S. Jan 21, 2009, 8:25pm EST
paying it f?rward t?day!
Karen M. Jan 21, 2009, 8:27pm EST
That really stinks...
I have a similar family member~
Shawnee G. Jan 21, 2009, 9:58pm EST
This has not happened to me, but I feel for you. Hopefully you can just not stress over it and not waste the energy and time to think about it much.
Carol V. Jan 21, 2009, 10:02pm EST
There's at least one in every family!!!!
Marilyn M. Jan 21, 2009, 10:16pm EST
How sad.
Marilyn M. Jan 21, 2009, 10:17pm EST
Still, it is family. I lost my brother a year ago, and I wish he was here to ask for money.
Jen G. Jan 21, 2009, 11:10pm EST
Sorry you're having to deal with that Bridget. I agree with Marilyn that family is so important but, if it could cause any harm to your immediate family then it's probably best not to have much contact.
Josh and I are such suckers, we'd of drove to the bank and gave it to them (I say this because we're guilty of it all the time). Can ya say "glutton for punishment? lol
Steph-in-NE ..... Jan 22, 2009, 1:37am EST
totally understood,, family and drama is one to much to handle at times
Tiffany G. Jan 22, 2009, 3:00am EST
oh that sucks! Sorry you all have to go through that!
C.M. C. Jan 22, 2009, 3:39am EST
I realize this was a rant, and you didn't ask for advice, but I've been there, and the best advice I can offer is this: being estranged from loved ones, won't improve your relationship. Both families end up having mistaken beliefs/ideas about one another, don't want to take the risk of being disappointed if they make their feelings known, and you end up with periods of hurt feelings instead of a long, happy, history. Decide what's important to you as an individual, and as a family. Give serious consideration to what you expect to get from your relationships with your in-laws, and what they end up giving, and be realistic. Don't cross the line between hoping a behavior will change, and EXPECTING it to, you'll only end up resentful. Meet with them! You'd be suprised at what comes out in a quiet place, without the kids. Be honest, but not accusatory about your feelings, make it known to them that a willingness to help doesn't mean you'll tolerate anything, and that while you're not willing to tolerate certain behaviors, that doesn't diminish your love for them. Good luck, and best wishes.
Pam Eccles Jan 22, 2009, 6:35am EST
It's sad when family members are like that. I am sorry that you and your family has to experience such, as I would call, ignorance. I do hope, that in the near future your brother in law will see what he has done wrong and will mend the bridge before it is to far gone.
Kathy D. Jan 22, 2009, 7:59am EST
Goodness, people can be so awful sometimes!
*LORA* M. Jan 22, 2009, 10:21am EST
it takes all kinds.
Renee (Pres of Baby James Foundation) ~. Jan 22, 2009, 10:47am EST
I've been there done that, I think we all have. Just stick to your guns and remember there are children involved.
elaine laflamme Jan 22, 2009, 11:05am EST
that's sad. so sorry
Bridget ♥ Jan 22, 2009, 11:47am EST
CM

That's great advice and I totally agree! We were NEVER mad at them, not even during the time they didn't call us or talk to us! They moved and we didn't have their phone number but they had ours! It was their choice not to call us!

We told them what we thought about the situation at hand and they chose to not speak to us! We just expressed our concerns and RULES for our house and they didn't like it!

Oh well!




THANKS EVERYONE!
DiAnA D. Jan 22, 2009, 4:29pm EST
and i'm sure when he showed up you figured that was why!
Mariana T. Jan 22, 2009, 4:39pm EST
Try to have a civil relationship with them so there's no anomosity in the air - kids pick up on that - but realize that these people will never change and will never pay back any money they borrow so unless you want to give it to them as a gift - don't lend them money EVER - also, you may want to let them know that you do have house rules - your kids are more important than their crappy attitudes - if they do not want to be told what to do - and that type never does - that's why they can't keep a job - then, you are better off without their negative energy. Salud
Lisa C. Jan 22, 2009, 6:28pm EST
So sorry to hear that!
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Amy just hangin' out M. Jan 22, 2009, 7:00pm EST
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Monica H. Jan 22, 2009, 8:18pm EST
Sorry you have to deal with this. It's way more complicated when it's family.
Sandy (back in Ohio...blah!) Jan 22, 2009, 11:03pm EST
Yep, my father in law pulled that crap the other day when my husband went to get his drum and the bike. The last two things left over there when we moved in Oct. His dad was going on about poor who is me we are so broke..but he didn't realize we knew he had just got from a cruise, has got his retirement from up north...give it arrest already. I think he forgot how much he bragged he would be getting when he retired. Some family just needs to stay away. As far as I am concerned I am done with his father and mother. I don't owe them anything.
Infinity M. Jan 23, 2009, 7:19am EST
i totally understand the part about it not being about the money - i've had people borrow money from me b4 and didn't pay it back - but mainly it comes down respect - if someone doesn't have any respect why in the world would u lend them money right? i'm assuming they have no respect. and its not even about honesty, because whether u lend someone money or don't lend someone money u've got no right to try to dig into their business either way. so i try 2 b careful about lending money since if u lend a disrespectful person money - then u r showing disrespect also.
Dana W. Jan 24, 2009, 8:00am EST
how sad "motd"
Janie E. Feb 20, 2009, 12:04am EST
I understand this so well, Bridget! Wonder how long it will take my sister or my BIL to call or come by wanting something? I can relate to the first two sentences in your post!!!
Kimberli T. May 3, 2009, 9:44pm EDT
I have family like this too. But, you know, even if you did give them the money it's not like they would be nice to you just because you did that. I gave one of my brother's a place to stay the night because he was out drinking underage with some friends and they were all getting busted for it. But, do you think he ever bothered to try to be kinder to me for that? No, he went and slandered me behind my back and called dfs on me because my daughter that is a bedwetter has a bed with a hint of pee smell on it. I was really hurt that he did that. But, you know what? I helped him again later because he is my brother. I think that sometimes we do stuff for family because they are family and they might slash us around all the time for it... but you still have a connection with them and can't stop it. I wish I didn't love my family sometimes. Harsh, I know, but true. Maybe it would hurt so much when they stabbed me in the back all the time. Sorry for the rant. I've been through a lot of this type of crap this past month and I just want to scream. As I'm sure you feel the need here and there too.

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