Happy Thought - 10/4/07

    I've been looking through old family photos lately for various reasons.  I wanted to find some pictures of me at Halloween, picking out pumpkins, and posing with my family. As I look at each picture, I find pieces of myself that I didn't know I had lost.

    In my mid twenties, a lot of time was spent dealing with illness.  I felt worn out, lifeless, tired.  Looking back at these cherished memories has woken up the sleeping lion inside of this Leo.  

    Part of growing up is becoming an adult, and losing some of our childish ways.  So often, people think growing up means being serious all the time, that life has to be hard, full of resentment, lost dreams and ennui.  

    I had a boyfriend in college who told me that I was boring and inexperienced in life because I hadn't "experienced life" according to his standards.  Partying, getting drunk, hanging out and creating mischief.  I don't disagree with his experience.  For him, this is what life was about.   However, I had performed with one of the jazz greats, Chuck Mangione, been to Europe, and traveled 1300 miles to college, away from my family and friends.  I had danced jazz, tap, ballet, en pointe, played the piano, drums, violin, trumpet, performed in numerous musicals and plays, took art lessons, went to movies, and orchestra concerts, and museums, and operas...  How was *I* boring???  And yet, I believed him.

    I am grateful for this opportunity to believe in a NEW me, and to see what others saw in me.  I want to be the person in those pictures.  I want to be polite, and funny, and happy, and grumpy, and dramatic, and cute, and charming, and loving! I want to wake up knowing my family loves me and I love them.   

    I want peace in my heart.