Senior Funnies

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very

elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

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I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?"

"Oh no," I replied, "I've never done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks, greasy food and barbecued ribs?

I said, "No, I've heard that grease and "red meat" are very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun?" he asked.

"No, I don't," I said.

He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around?"

"No," I said, "I've never done any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why in the heck

do you want to live to be 80?"

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An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms - Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

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I knew it......I knew it!

I knew they would finally disclose the ingredients in Viagra!

3% Vitamin E

2% Aspirin

2% Ibuprofen

1% Vitamin C

5% Spray Starch

87% Fix-A-Flat