Courtship

While working-class girls might go with young men to corn huskings,barn dances or other community parties,dating as we know it did not exist for high society girls in the 1830's. Young ladies from genteel families were rarely without a chaperone,usually a grim older aunt or the girls' mother,who would go with her to the parties,the theater and other social events.

The chaperone would even sit with the young people in parlor visits. Families were concerned that thier children didn't marry out of their social circle,and books were written to help ladies recognize and turn down proposals from young men who were seeking to win their fortunes by marrying an heiress.

For the romantically challenged of the appropriate social status,books of valentine poems called Valentine"writers", were imported from England. These writers were filled with verses that less than poetiv young men could copy onto gilt-edged paper to impress their valentine.

Just in case the young lady was not inclined to write poetry either,a rhyming answer was included that she could copy and send back-provided,that she had her own copy of teh book. After a young man had spent ample time with a girl and her family,he would approach her father and ask for her hand in marriage.

The young man could expect to be questioned,about his fortune or his business and his ability to support a wife. If found suitable,he was given permission to approach the young lady with an offer of marriage. However in high society,even romance moved slowly. Many courtships were done by correspondance,and many couples waited years before they wed.

Young women of many social classes kept diaries of their courtships,and courting couples exchanged love letters and tokens such as rings,old coins,lockets and sketches. Proposals were often carried out by letter,and a young woman expected to be asked more than once by the same suitor.

She needed time to consider,and he by asking more than once,proved his determination to win her. A young man wouldn't be put off by one,two or even three refusals of his love. For young ladies of a good family,courtship and romance followed strict rules. A young lady couldn't speak with a young man until they were properly introduced by a mutual aquaintance; if they were intorduced at a ball or formal dance,for the purpose of dancing,they couldn't speak again until they were properly and formally introduced at a later date.

Although a young lady couldn't speak to a gentleman she didn't know,she could send messages in code with her fan across the room,or to a gentleman sitting beside her.

Signals sent with fans were:

Fan slow- I'm already engaged,

Fan fast- I'm single,

Fan with the right hand in front of face-Follow me,

Fan with the left hand in front of face- leave me alone,

Open and shut- kiss me,

Fan wide open- I love you,

Drawing it across your forehead- someone is watching us,

Touch your right cheek-yes,

Touch your left cheek-no.