I wrote this last year when my mom started to first have real issues with her heart. She was in the hospital in October to have water drained off her heart and lungs as well as everywhere else due to congestive heart failure. Then in November she was back in the hospital to have a pacemaker-defibrillator installed.
As things are going now, the fear was for naught. She is doing so much better right now. She is still on oxygen, but she might be getting rid of it soon. Just thought I'd share.
No matter how strong our faith and belief in God, death is still scary, is it not? Cancer, heart disease, diabetes, etc. all are horrible illness that run the risk of ending in death. Currently my worries are on the health of my mother. She has gone through two different cancers, lost her uterus and fallopian tubes, along with her dreams of another child, and is now battling issues with her heart. One could say she's kicked cancer's butt twice she'll have no problem with her heart disease. Although, that may be true, it doesn't stop one from worrying.
I have faith that my mother will be fine, that her doctors will take care of her and help her to regain a better quality of life. Yet, I can't stop worrying about her surgeries, her medicines, her problems, and most of all her morale. It's difficult to experience a serious illness muchless surgeries for that illness.
All I have are questions. Would God really take her when she's so young? How do I give all my worry and hurt over to God? How do I help her through this time and still be strong? How do I survive if she doesn't?
Although, I have dealt with death several times in my life it is not the same as loss of a parent. A friend of mine recently lost a parent, which regardless of their relationship took its toll on her. I don't really know what she is going through but I can certainly understand how hard it must be. I am now looking at losing my mother sooner than anticipated and am left feeling so alone. I do not want to tell her how I feel, yet wouldn't it be wrong not to? How do you deal with losing a parent? How do you recover? How do you deal with their serious illness? How do you take care of them without losing yourself?
Life is wonderful. Life is a gift. Sometimes it may seem difficult but I think it is ever so important to believe those two statements. We should appreciate what little time we do have here on earth and celebrate it with as many people as possible. We may not be able to take it with us when we go, but it is my opinion, that our memories, our connections with those we love, will follow us wherever we travel. So, maybe rather than struggling through illness we should be walking with our heads high through life, however long it may be.
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Comments: 33
I wish I could give you a real hug.Your writing in response to your mother's illness is a testimony of your filial devotion. She is so lucky to have a loving, caring daughter .
Very happy to read that she is doing better but while your mother is stronger ,this may be a good time to discuss each others hopes and fears.
God Bless you both and give you continued courage and strength.
Thank you for sharing this intimate episode in your life.
My mom had a major illness and was in the hospice program for many years before she died. We talked about death when the subject came up, as one of the main aspects of life. It's still hard when a parent is gone.
You may not be there, just yet but I believe you owe it to yourself to talk to your mother about your feelings. She could be waiting for you to begin instead of sharing her thoughts and feelings with you. As a mother I wouldn't bring it up to my daughter but I know my mother appreciated that we could talk about life and death easily in time.
With all your mother has been through, I'm sure she has a lot of wisdom and feelings she would like to share with you that she's probably not sharing so not to burden you. So take this time as a gift to share with each other during this very tough time in your life together.
I have lost both parents.My mother to a terrible disease that she suffered from for 10 years.My dad to heart failure and emphesema.I was with my mom when she passed.I was not with my dad.The fact I was raised with abuse,slanted our whole relationship.I was never able to gain closure with my abusive parent.I am now floundering in the backwash of emotional struggles.All I have are regrets.
Each day is new,make the most of it and there will be no regrets.
I really liked your last paragraph, this I learned from my mother. She battled ALS - Lou Gehrig's Disease for many years, and the past three years she was trapped inside her own body with little means for communicating. Throughout it all, she really did show me that I should enjoy every moment. I lost my mother on May 30 this year, and it is something I am still trying to figure out how to deal with. I had a lot of years of preparation though, although no one can never be prepared for the death of a loved one. One thing I have noticed is that ever since my mother passed away, it has been as if she has come closer to me, it is as if she is right there with me. I am not a religious person, but the death of my mother has really proved to me that there is a lot more to life than just life.
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Death is pretty scary, more so when its someone you love.
And....
Life is WONDERFUL. Life is a gift. Sometimes it may seem difficult but I think it is ever so important to believe those two statements. We should appreciate what little time we do have here on earth and celebrate it with as many people as possible. ------
Very good points here! I too am glad your mom is doing better. My mother has had some health issues the last few years, so I understand how you feel.
Your questions:
How do you deal with their serious illness? How do you take care of them without losing yourself?
You value every moment.Love life for the gift it is, laugh longer and louder. You let the little things (that do not matter) go.You answered your own questions & answered them correctly. Nice article. 10+++++
Losing a parent is difficult. But not being close, not experiencing life together would make losing them even more difficult. (I lost my dad 2 years ago.)
My prayers go with you and your mom.
Having a parent who is dealing with illnesses is not fun, but it is a growing experience. I often think God deals out these experiences to help us handle something even tougher and to empathize with others in their struggles. Perhaps someone needs to read your expressions so that they could take on some of your strength.
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I am now 3200 miles from my aging mother, and can do nothing to help her or to alleviate my worry.
My other baby sister just broke the news to me yesterday , she has stage 1 lung cancer. I will rejoice in today. i hope you do too, and worry is replaced with time spent with your Mom.