Well, I have a 4 year old boy and I'm currently pregnant with another baby due in a few weeks. But, Mother's Day is always hard for me. See, in 2004, we lost our first child to a miscarriage. And, that miscarriage happened just a few weeks before Mother's Day. So, each year when Mother's Day rolls around, it's a reminder of how a piece of my family is missing and I'll never get that piece back.
This year, on Sunday at around 12am my husband said "Happy Mother's Day" and I started crying. I told him that there was nothing happy about this day because I only have 2 out of my 3 kids with me. We went to sleep shortly after. When we woke up in the morning, we went to church as usual. At the end of mass, they asked all of the mothers to stand up so they could wish us all a happy mother's day. I stood up and my 4 year old started clapping and yelling "Yeah Mommy!!" and it was so cute. I immediately started crying and had to sit down. I just imagined what it would have been like if our first baby would have been there too, clapping for me like our 4 year old.
As my due date approaches I find myself nervous and anxious. Once you've gone through the loss of a child, whether it's by miscarriage, stillbirth, or later in life, I think you always proceed with caution in regards to your other children.
I find myself still trying not to get too excited about this baby because in the back of my mind I'm still thinking of the "what if" something goes wrong. I think that's one of the worst things about having a miscarriage. You are cheated not only out of having that child that you desperately wanted, but you're also cheated out of the joy that you should be experiencing throughout your other pregnancies, because you're always scared that something is going to go wrong again and you won't have the happy ending you've hoped for.
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Comments: 26
This statement summarizes it quite accurately:
"You are cheated not only out of having that child that you desperately wanted, but you're also cheated out of the joy that you should be experiencing throughout your other pregnancies, becasue you're always scared that something is going to go wrong again and you won't have the happy ending you've hoped for."
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a smooth and safe delivery of your newest little one. **HUGS**
I feel like I'm holding my breath the whole way through each one, because of it. After my last miscarriage, I read an excerpt online from a midwife's book, where her son told her a story of babies who were lost, coming back round to try again to be born - at the time, it helped, but, even so, I still don't feel right saying I have three... someone's missing, and there should be four.
Hugs to you Jill!!
Adult child lost, you still have their childhood, younger child, you still have some, but a miscarriage? What's there besides a pregnancy? That's what I would IMAGINE would make it so hard, something I'd never want to go through... but I guess one who experiences it has no choice in the matter, and you're still living, time's still marching on, but you've had a much HARSHER BIT OF REALITY than anyone I know, of how fleeting life can be.
BIG HUGS to you.
It has been 20 years now since my last loss. I still think of 2 babies from time to time and think about how different our lives would have all been if they had lived.
I am so sorry you are hurting on a day many mothers celebrate. But I understand your sorrow. I to lost a child and the grief never goes away or lessons with another child. It has been 16 yrs since I lost mine and the pain is still there. But I do smile knowing my child is with God looking down from heaven at me nd know one day I will meet him or her.
Big hugs to you sweetie. I do hope you can find joy and happiness with this pregnacy.
Well written, Jill. Keep us in the loop.
I understand what you are saying. I had my son stillborn at 81/2 months along. Very hard.