Death and Misconceptions

Yesterday at 4:30 pm, I received a text message from my little sister who is currently living in Seattle. It said,

"Dont know if u were aware of his recent stroke, nor if u care, but susans dad just died. She spent the last couple wks with him at hospital. they were close."

Susan is my stepmother.

Without being too harsh about everything, I will just briefly explain my p.o.v. Susan has hated me at least since she and my father got married. She always chastised me for teasing my sister (ummm, aren't big sisters supposed to do that?!?!) and said, "Leigh is so cute and smart and funny!" while gushing about my sister. She was a constant source of hostility between me and my father. I think she hates me because I reminded her a lot of my mother who she absolutely despised. She was the reason I stopped going to my dad's house for weekends. She was the reason I would go to the city to see my father. But anyways....

Her dad was a great guy. He was very sweet and funny. Mild-mannered and always caring. He was the type of person that when he looked at you, you knew that you were cared for. Very genuine person and thoughtful man. It is sad that he is gone.

Apparently, my father thought that I would not care that he had a stroke merely because Susan and I do not get along.

I was offended by the "nor if u care" in my sister's text message. Why would I not care? Why would I not care about someone dying? Of course I care. I'm not as cold-hearted as they think I am. I am adult enough and mature enough to realize that no matter how much of a bitch Susan has always been to me, she is hurting right now and losing her father is a huge impact in her life. I am compassionate enough to realize that our past does not affect the fact that she is human (at least at this moment she is) and is going through a terrible time. To think that I do not care is offensive to me.

After many text messages about how I was offended and hurt that my father didn't bother telling me about any of this - and my sister trying to convince me that it's only because they think I hate both of them (blah blah blah - old excuses) that they don't bother telling me stuff, I got a text message from my dad at 6:30 pm. It said,

"Just FYI, no action or response required, Susan's dad died today at 4:30. He was a good, gentle, kind father. I'm glad I knew him for 15 years."

By this time, I had already went and bought a sympathy card and written a note of condolences and addressed it. I replied with "Card is already in the mail." He texted back and said, "Didn't know Leigh was in touch. Thank you."

Again, I was offended by the "no action or response required" part of the text message. Once again, they think that I hate Susan to the point that I cannot contain human compassion for someone that is hurting.

Obviously they do not know me. Obviously they do not want to know me either. I am a much bigger person than they are. When I told my dad that I was pregnant, his response was "who's the grandfather?" Then he told me that I was too young to be a mother. He then text messaged my sister with "geez." Susan has not contacted me regarding being pregnant. My father also has not contacted me since that day until the death announcement yesterday. I will continue to be a bigger person and do the right thing, the humane thing but I will no longer hold any hope for them to return the decency.