Love Lives in Ohio

LOVE LIVES IN OHIO         

During the Christmas Season of 1999 I worked as a kiosk manager for a specialty food producer.  The kiosk was located in a mall.  I found that there is a whole other existence in the Mall dimension.  This is a story I wrote about "MALL WORLD."

November 25, 1999 (Tuesday before Thanksgiving)           

 (Geez, I could just scream!  That ridiculous holiday music blaring from the speaker over my head is driving me absolutely insane!  Don't they know that this is the worst season of the year for those of us without family or significant others?!  Rub it in.  Go ahead and make me feel worse than I already do.  Stupid traditions!)           

~sigh~ I had a significant other - of sorts.  He was significant and I was other.  And the saddest commentary on that is I believed he was as significant as he believed he was.  Unfortunately, when I stopped believing in his omni-significance, there was no longer an 'us'.  So it's back to 'me' - 'I' - 'myself'; the singular pronouns.             

That's fine.  I've been here before and survived quite well.  In fact, it is becoming my preferred state of being.  Who needs a significant other for the sole purpose of forming   an 'us' anyway?!  I am self-sufficient, sophisticated, well-educated and --                

(Customers!  Gotta take care of business.)           

"Yes, ma'am.  Thank you.  You have a nice holiday."     

(ewwww-weeee who is that?!  Looks like he could be a movie star.  Don't think there are many in Ohio, but what do I know.  I haven't seen anyone that good-looking in a long time.)                 

He walked past and I continued about the business of selling cheese balls and beef sticks.     

 (ahhh no more customers in sight.  Maybe I can sneak out and have a cigarette during the lull.)            

When I turned to grab my bag - GASP!! -

(THERE HE IS!!! Oh, my GAWD!!!  He's standing there by the cheese ball cooler - smiling - at me.  Where did he come from!?  Oh, Lord, he is even more gorgeous up close dressed all in black - very continental slacks, blazer, turtleneck.  Black hair that waves just so over his perfectly formed head, deep, dark, penetrating eyes, tall - at least six-one or two, lean, long legs and nice firm --)                 

"May I help you?"  {stupid grin}                  

"Yes."   (sexy smile; beautiful teeth)      "Which of these - oh, what do you call --"               

 (accent! - He has an accent, maybe European; Italian?  I can't tell. - he's pointing at the cheese balls - how cute, he doesn't know what they're called)                 

"Cheese balls - uh, they're cheese and nuts aaaand - ummmm -- other stuff." 

(Brilliant, you goober!  Get hold of yourself and do your job!  Offer a sample!)                 

"Would you like to taste it?"               

"Yes, please.  What is this one - with the red on top - very festive in appearance."               

 (Of course he chose the one I don't have opened yet.  Okay, let's try to do this gracefully even with these ridiculous plastic gloves on.  This thing is so slippery and this knife couldn't cut melted butter - awwww jeeeez, oh no oh no oh no pleeeese nooooo)                 

SPLAT!!!

 (Ignore it; just continue on as though nothing is amiss - but, oh geez, the cheese and nuts all over my shoes and that red crap - arghghghg)               

(Look at him!  He is so gracious, overlooking my fire red blush and stuck to the floor shuffle.  My heart will go on ...)                  

(He's asking about the Honey Mustard, what it tastes like!  Oh, hell, I don't eat this stuff!!)                 

 "uhhhh, honey and mustard?"  

(stupid stupid stupid!!!  He's smiling - understanding.  My face is going to explode with embarrassment...)                 

 "I shall purchase a cheese ball and the Honey Mustard and -- hmmm what do you recommend?"  Are these - what do you call --"               

"Beef sticks - those are beef sticks and we have turkey sticks too, but if you prefer a more robust, full flavor, the beef sticks are the best and they can be refrigerated for up to..."   

 (NOW you find your voice!!  And you sound like an IDIOT!!  The switch is stuck - turn it off!!!)                 

"May I taste the -- beef stick?"               

 (Thank God!  They're already sliced and on toothpicks.  Don't even try to pick one up!  There, just offer the tray.  Let him pick it up himself - to hell with the Health Laws.  My dignity is on the line here.)

(whew!!!  That went okay.)   

( oooooooo!  He wants to taste it with the Honey Mustard!  I know sure as I'm standing here - well, I think I'm  standing here - that if I try to dip that beef stick on a toothpick into the Honey Mustard jar, I'm going to lose it - I know I will - Oh good oh good - he's doing it himself -)                  

"Yes, that is very excellent.  I will purchase the cheese and a package of crackers and a beef stick and the mustard.  Do you recommend anything else?"               

 (I can't do this anymore.  I've finally got a modicum of control back but if I'm in his presence five more minutes - ugh yanking my shoes off the floor - I will lose all and slither out the door...)                 

"No, on second thought, I think that will be all.  If I think of anything further or find a further requirement, I shall return."               

 (Thank you, God!)  

"Okay, then, just step over to the cash register and I'll ring it up and put it in a bag." 

(Maybe I'll survive this with a little self-respect after all.)                 

"There you are.  That will be $14.95."

(He hands me a twenty.)   "Okay, your change is - "

(Oh, what wonderful, masculine hands)                  

 (Of course, the bags are stacked under the counter and they're packed so tight.  There's the right size.  Just yank it and pull -- ahhhhhhhh, the whole stack is coming out - oh no oh no - all over the floor - green plastic bags  and smashed cheese ball - oh lord I want to die.)     

I know now there is no salvation, no honor whatsoever!  I look at him with a face twisted in pathetic defeat and my shoulders slump.                

 (What's he doing?!  - he's coming around, picking a bag off the floor, packaging his own items.)   

My jaw is now on my chest and eyes wide in amazement!  He's taking my hand in both of his!!!           

"You will have a most wonderful day."  He walked away smiling.               

   (Oh my God oh my God oh my GOD!!! He touched me, he spoke, he was beautiful, HE WAS NICE and I don't think I'll live another minute.)             

~sigh~ Maybe there just might be some merit in an 'us' in my life - one day...           

©Sandra 11/99