How to make friends: A 10 step plan

Friendship is based on a commonality of spirit, goodwill and of course respect. I guess some of you reading this are looking for answers and you can rest assure I'll give you good advice.

1. Say something nice about the person's appearance. Here is a good example.
a. That's a cool shirt. I had one just like it when I was in kindergarten.
2. Say something nice about their hair.
a. It's good to see you don't waste your money going to a hairdresser, barber, or beauty salon.
3. Correct their English.
a. Aren't you glad I caught your grammar mistakes. Somebody might think you're an illegal immigrant.
4. Concerning food.
a. I was told you'd be late and to save you a hamburger, but I ate it, since I know you're trying hard to lose weight.
5. Concerning after dinner at a restaurant.
a. I asked you if you were Dutch and you said no. That's why I didn't bring any money.
6. Concerning picking up your friend at the airport.
a. I thought you were coming back next Monday.
7. Concerning comments you made at a party.
a. I thought she'd like it, if I told her you liked flat chested women. How was I to know she'd slap you you when you introduced yourself?
8. Concerning credit cards.
a. I used your credit card to book my Summer vacation. I'll pay you back after my Summer hike around Europe.
9. On home cleaning.
a. Sorry, I forgot to tell you, but I used your toothbrush to clean the black mold off the shower walls.
10. On your first date:
a. I really like your see through shirt. My friend said you'd look better if you didn't wear a bra.

Now that you know the spirit of friendship: Go and practice each of these points and make friends.