He`s just a man,thats what they say
He taught the children of the day
He lived his life,dies tragically
I tell them what He`s done for me
He left His Father to come here
To face my wrath,to shed my tears
To save my soul,from constant anguish
To teach me of His love and kindness
To be an example of an obedient child
To take my hand,and hold me up
When I cannot stand.
It was His choice,now it is mine
To spread God`s word throughout the land
He gave me hope,when there was none
Knowing these things,I choose to believe This Son
He`s just a man,thats what they say
He`s much more, to those, who believe today
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Comments: 10
However, after reading this silently, then aloud, I have a problem with the following verses.
To save my soul,from constant anguish
To teach me of His love and kindness
You rhyme is strained and does not flow with the rest of this poem.
Until this verse, 'To save my soul,from constant anguish', your poem flows very smoothly. None of your other verses have a prepostional clause (from constant anguish) and this seems more like an adjunct to the verse than as a transition from the verb claus (To save my soul) that is found in your other verses up to this point. May I suggest the following? (To save my soul, in its anguish).
The next verse also is out of sync because of word placement. You wrote (To teach me of His love and kindness). May I suggest: 'To teach me love and His kindness'.
In the next verse you should omit the word 'of'.
After that, the rhyme scheme of this poem falls apart.
This is a very good poem, but you need to take time to edit and revise it. If you want more help, send your revised version to my inbox and I will be glad to look it over and make any necessary comments. I sincerely hope what I said was helpful. Take care and may God bless. Bill.