I read a forum post about the power of the avocado seed. It seems that some adventurous folks grind their avocado seeds into fiber-rich smoothies accented with various greens and fruits. Avocado seeds are healing, they promised. Healing! You will poop like never before! Your skin will glow more than the folks living near the Trinity Test Site! Your love life will improve, too, hubba hubba, with potential sexual partners flinging themselves at your feet! I think it was that last bit that got me. I've had a dry run lately, no sexy men who think I'm kinda cute knocking down my door in this dusty rural town with a bouquets of fresh kale. So a green smoothie sounded good, a green smoothie with spinach, kale, grapefruit, banana, flax seed, and one perfect avocado....
I fired up my Osterizer - a sturdy black 'n silver beast - and filled it to the top with my selected ingredients. I added a dollop of raw coconut oil and a cup of water for good measure and hit Puree. The avocado seed wanted nothing to do with my smoothie and decided to make a run for it! It slammed against the walls of the glass container with fractal imprecision, the noise seemingly getting louder and louder with each rotation of the blade. The rest of the food smooshed to perfection, bits and pieces of kale rising to the surface, falling like tsunami debris into a waterspout. I stopped the blender and peeked inside. The avocado seed rested on the surface. It looked scarred, thousands of criss-crossing blender blade tattoos covering its surface. Hmmm, not enough power, I thought. I hit Liquefy.
Big mistake.
The seed groaned in anger, smashing against the glass walls with determination. It must have hit a sweet spot.
CRASH!
I raised my hands in fear as the glass shattered in a million tiny shards. The seed smacked me - dead center forehead - and one heft chunk of glass lodged in my right middle finger. I'm writing this with my left hand, pecking one key at a time. My right (write?) hand sits on my lap, middle finger wrapped in six layers of protective gauze, twenty or so bandaids stuck up and down my arms, my forehead bruised like a sad banana.
Damn that avocado!
So. Ya think the men are gonna start swarming my door?
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Comments: 44
Lloyd, you are a kind man. : )
Sorry about the mishap (lol) but I always grow my avacado seeds and eat the green part.
You need to send messages out to the Universe and the men will come knocking. Or at least thats what I have read. Welcome back!
Love this!
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Flit, YAY!!! I'M the happy one 'round these parts today!!
Melissa, snort!! I am gonna splurge on some bad ass bandaids. Whatta think men like? Transformers? Snoopy? Indiana Jones?
Ooooo Mary, you just gave me a wonderful idea for a story! I'm so glad to be back. I gotta start transmitting those message to the stars. With my luck, I'll pull in an alien!!
Doyle, nice to meet ya! I appreciate the 21 seed salute to our fallen flora. Sigh. It's the web of life, alas...
Mend well.
Hooray Birdie, welcome back, missed ya.
John, thanks for the well wishes. Mother Nature obviously wants me to eat at Burger King.
Shoulda used a Blendtec. That thing blends everything (except Chuck Norris, obviously).
Trying whacking it with a chef's knife a couple of times before blending or wrap in a towel and wail on it with a hammer. Horrible sounding injury, just surface wounds I hope. Be careful we need more Birdie articles. The more injury the slower the go.
Welcome back.
MJ, ha ha ha ha! Yes, this is my lot in life - to become the sixth wife of an avocado pit bruise fetishist. You will see us on a reality show, "The Pits," this fall!
Will It Blend. Indeed, Chris, indeed. Chuck wouldn't have stood a chance in my kitchen yesterday, however. He'd be covered in avocado bruises, too! Okay, maybe not. He woulda hid behind me and let me take the brunt!
Vivian, Yay!!! I will keep your pit-hy suggestions in mind when I replace my blender and attempt this sort of smoothie in the future. I wish I thought of this yesterday!
I imagine the real secret to smoothies with the pits is a good hammer and a towel. After all, there is more than one way to relieve frustration...
BTW, any knocks on the door?
don't know how big they get, but i've seen them potted before. . I once planted an avocado seed in my backyard. It grew to be about 12 feet tall very quickly, but never bore fruit. come to think of it, it didn't resemble a tree so much as a giant weed.
2. Don't believe everything you read.
3. You just keep getting better!
4. Sending out a prayer for you to meet your perfect match.
But fruit and avocados are wonderful.
I'm avocado green with envy of your abilities to describe a scene.
Simply a s-p-l-e-n-d-i-d article, worthy of a TEN and many, many yuks and giggles!
But still! there must be way...(I'm not desperate or anything) so I Googled avocado pit smoothie. Here is the solution...here is how to grind up an avocado pit. It all boils down to horse power...you need a big ass blender with at least 3.5 horse power. I don't think our little "Waring Classic" qualifies, but I have always advocated buying everything with as much power as possible and so now that I know we have a puny, wimpy little blender...I won't be able to rest until I find a monster blender.
Maybe I can get one with 5 HP...maybe 6............
So glad to see you back, Birdie, I've really missed your adventures.
Since Natalie told me of your return (WELCOME!) I had to check in and read your blender splattered all over my screen. Funny too 'cause we've been on an avocado binge around here...sans the blender...just mashed with fork and some squeezed lime.
Hey what is Fall like in Las Vegas? We just got a cool little travel trailer.
Love,
Stephen
Perhaps we are kindred spirits as my husband says things like (to the kids) "Don't let her touch my riding lawnmower, no matter what happens to me!" I am pretty much death on machines.