Am I Really That Conceited?

Am I really that Conceited?

Some people think I am but just because I'm a genius and extremely handsome with huge muscles and a dark tan. They think I'm a conceited jerk but I'm far from conceited. I'm one of the most modest persons you'd ever meet if you ever get the good fortune to meet me. If you were ever so lucky to meet me, you'd be surprised to see how down to earth I really am. After you bow and kiss my feet, you'd see that I'm no different than you. Although everybody is wanting of my attention, I'd be sure to give you my full attention as I sign my autograph for you so that you'd have something to frame when you get back home. . .

Okay, now that I cleared up that unfortunate misunderstanding, let me tell you a little about myself - here I go: "I am Great!" I really mean it! I am great at a lot of things - like giving huge tips to hard-working waiters and waitresses; I'm great at opening doors for people, especially the elderly; I'm great at helping others when I see that they are over-burdened; I'm great at helping others understand that life could be so wonderful and not as dismal as one may think; I'm great at forgiving and not holding grudges. I'm great at being myself, oh yes I am . . . And if you still think I'm a jerk be sure you don't leave a tip on my table.... unless the table has turned of course.

Signed, The Greatest