Several clean jokes

I got some good laughs from these when I found them in my email.

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician."Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."

"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust"   

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. 

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. 

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. 

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. 

"Yup," replied the drunk. 

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. 

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.  The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,  "You #@**%..it's three-fifteen in the morning!"    

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour.

The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"

He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he saysinsistently......  Up to 60.

"I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice, "No, I've got everything I need," she says.

"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.

"The airbag."

Moral of the Story :
Women are clever!!!
Don't mess with them!!