Humorous items

I hope these are humorous to others as they were to me when I found them in my email.  

"Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."   

Seen on a birthday card:

"Forget about the past, You can't change it.

Forget about the future, You can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't buy you one."    

Questions about Cats 

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies. 

What is a cat's favorite movie?

"The Sound of Mewsic." 

What does a cat that lives near the beach have in commonwith Christmas?

Sandy Claws. 

Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't?

Your lap. 

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?

Because it squeaked. 

What side of the cat has the most fur?

The OUT-side.   

A few facts that might be true.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.

Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."   

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.

Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.