I was just sitting here looking at my wife's bottle of pomegranate-scented shampoo and wondering why any woman would want her hair to smell like pomegranate.
OK, I admit this is a sure sign that I would probably be way better off if I spent less time thinking. And many people would argue that I might do well to think about more important things, like the effect of near-light speed on gravitational forces, or about possible causes and cures for Restless Leg Syndrome.
But I can't help it. I'm kind of stuck with the brain I've got, and right now it's speculating why women might want to use hair care products that leave them smelling like they have fruit salad on their heads. I feel safe in assuming that it is not to impress men, because most guys prefer things that smell like food to be - well, food.
And besides, the food scents that attract men are things like beer, French fries, and anything cooking on a grill. Have you ever seen a shampoo that cleans, conditions, and smells like bratwurst?
In the interest of solid scientific research, I decided to call my friend Megan and ask her what she's thinking about whenever she visits the hair care aisle.
Me: So, what are you thinking about whenever you visit the hair care aisle?
Megan: I'm thinking I don't want my hair to smell like guys' hair.
Me: Really? What does guys' hair smell like?
Megan: Feet.
Me: ...
Megan: Or worse.
Me: ...
Megan: Of course, I also want my hair to smell better than the other girls'.
Me: Why? Women aren't really all that competitive, are they?
Megan: ...
Me: So most guys smell like feet?
Megan: Or worse.
Me: Yet you like guys.
Megan: Sure.
Me: What about guys who wear lots of cologne?
Megan: I assume they either own a party store or they're gay.
Me: How about those commercials where the nerdy guy uses the body spray and then gets attacked by hundreds of beautiful sex-crazed girls?
Megan: Something like that would never happen. Those hot girls wouldn't swarm a guy like that if he sprayed himself with hundred dollar bills.
Me: They wouldn't?
Megan: Nope. For one thing, they'd be too busy talking about each others' outfits.
Me: That makes sense. I guess.
Megan: Plus, can you imagine the smells in that body pile? Every one of the girls would be sporting their own shampoo, conditioner, bath oil, perfume, cologne, and whatever else. There's nothing you could put on a guy that would overcome all that.
Me: So I wasted my money buying five cases of that body spray?
Megan: ...
So there you have it. This detailed psychographic research proves that women mainly want to smell good so that they can claim victory over other women, that guys can't really get away with smelling like anything other than feet, and that bratwurst might smell better to a guy than a pomegranate, but it would never wind up in a best-selling shampoo.
I think I'll go take a shower.
Copyright © 2007, Michael Ball
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Comments: 10
Men must overcome the myth that women do things to please them. Once men understand this, they will stop cranial exercises with 'why do women' questions.
Picture this, a group of scantily clad women get together and talk about their careers, how much money they make, how good their male friends are (if any), how many male friends they've got.
What will a man who sees this group think?
Woo-hoo (primordial mating call), these women are dressing like this for me??
In reality, These women are out there letting each other know their true worth (in mating terms). Since polyandry is out of fashion, the best guy wins. The best guy offers stuff like love, security, laughter (since it's good for health), a healthy bank balance and bathes twice a day with strawberry soap;-)
For why strawberry soap refer para 1 and replace pomegranate with strawberry.
Nice article, though.
So tell me Eliza and Jae, what exactly does pomegranate smell like?
- mike
As to why pomegranate - it's a funnier word than strawberry.
Glad you liked the piece.
- mike
- mike
My husband agrees with your views, by the way, does this mean he doesn't notice all that I do for him? OR is a conspiracy brewing?
As for Restless Leg Syndrome, I may do a column one day on problems that just weren't on the radar until somebody decided to sell us the solution.
Cheers!
- mike