The signs were there but nobody paid attention. We had heard of problems, but never realized how bad things really were. This beautiful young woman is my cousin Theresa. She will be 30 this year. She and my daughter along with one other cousin were born within a week of one another other!She is a very kind and sweet person, liked by everyone. When I saw her, she always had a smile on her face! The cousins would get together, to laugh, whisper and giggle...everything girls do when they get together!
Theresa had a beautiful home, two beautiful children, and a husband...who beat her!
We had heard from other family members of incidents before, but no one knew for sure because she never reported it.
Her husband realized that this time was worse than the times before because after beating her, he drove her to a hospital in another county! He told their children to be quiet and not to look at their mother! He dropped her off at the hospital and left. Because of her injuries she had to be transferred to another hospital, where they would be better able to help her.
She had to have two brain surgeries! She remained in the hospital for a very long time and when they realized that she wasn't getting any better; she was moved to a skilled extended care facility.
Meanwhile her husband, his mother and his sister committed fraud when they sold her house and applied for credit in her name while she was in the extended care facility.
Theresa cannot speak, walk or breathe on her own! She is still alive, but this horrible man has snatched her life away from her!
This happened in 2005, and is still going through the court system, therefore, I had to leave some of what happened out until the trial is over.
What I can tell you is that currently, all three are in jail, pending trial dates which they keep having postponed. Hopefully they will get what they deserve!
Please learn from this! If you or anyone that you know is being abused, encourage them to speak up! Or you speak up! Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and Theresa has two young children, but she doesn't even know that she is a mother. What a horrible and unforgivable tragedy!
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Comments: 111
This is a very sad story and one that is way too common.
One thing I learned then.....and it is still prevelent now is that many times, you have to force the police to do something--their first question to me was always "What'd you do to make him this angry?"!
A couple of years ago, I called the police about a domestic disturbance....I had to call them 3 times just to get them to come out and then I had to call the shift supervisor to get the one cop to stop harassing the woman! She was hysterical and screaming and the cop told her he didn't like her "tone" and that he was going to arrest her since she, obviously, was the problem!! This was in a county that had a state's attorney that was very active in taking domestics to court and sorting out the problem.
I know I shouldn't have done it, but I kicked the shit of the guy and threw him out of my sister's house, which belong to my parents and we never saw him again. My sister never said anything to me, but my nephews did thank me.
I still do not understand, why any woman would allow this to happen, especially when it involves children?
Your story is very telling and hopefully someone if they are in this same spot will tell someone for their life so they can start to live again.
My prayers are with you and your family and I do agree, I hope they get what the deserve
This is horrid for your cousin and the family (including you). May someone be able to help the kids understand fully that this is not how things should be.
We really need to spread the word about domestic violence! No woman (or man) should ever have to go through this! I have heard stories about this type of thing happening to men to!
I will keep your family in my prayers, Nina.
Thanks for posting this to BEST ORIGINAL PHOTOS, ART AND WRITING FOR 2008.
Like Faith said above, I'm a survivor of domestic violence. And I also believe if I had not gotten out when I did, I wouldn't be here now to talk about it.
So often, the one being abused is more afraid of the consequences of leaving than of the beatings. That's sad, but true. We all need to be aware and to offer a helping hand to anyone we think is being abused.
When I talk with women (or men) about this, I always use the biblcal definition of love (since most abuses/abusers claim there is love in the relationship) - "Love is patient...kind...not self serving...not rude..." etc. I can't tell you how many people I've told, "If he/she is always unkind, always rude, always selfish, guess what. That's not love."
For me, it was primarily emotional abuse. The turning point for me was when we all three were at my mother-in-law's house (me, my husband, and my son, who was just learning to walk) and my husband was passed out on the couch. My son toddled over to him and was trying to talk to him, when my husband swatted at him like swatting a buzzing fly. I picked up my son and left. That was the day I knew I would be filing for a divorce in the near future. My attitude towards my husband changed from that day forward--and within a month, he had packed all his things and was gone. Almost 16 years later, I am still dealing with the aftereffects of the emotional abuse. Things are much better but I constantly have to re-think my thoughts, words and actions for evidence that the old way of behaving as a victim and as seriously lacking in self-esteem are being corrected. It's easier now than it was and I hope to one day to live my life without the constant self-censoring because it won't be necessary. Progress is made one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time.
Abuse doesn't stop because the target leaves--it just finds another target. Thank God he is in jail, even though it sounds like he is only there on charges of fraud. Is there any chance he will be charged with assault? There would be a small measure of justice if he was convicted of that....
I've seen a number of cases that someone, a very good man, intervened, in just such a manner, with the same results you dicribed. The a**shole never came back.
People need to get that difinitive, in drawing the lines that will not be crossed, in no uncertain terms. The uncertinty, is what the abusers thrive on.
I am glad that their those such, such as you, in the world.
Nina, I fel for the sufferring your family has had to endure. My thoughts are with you.
My prayers are with your family.
I hope that the monster and his cohorts get the maximum punishment for all charges involved.
i hope those horrible people get what they deserve...
i am always praying for you and your whole family... i love you...
Girly Comments & Graphics
How heartbreaking.
The ultimate outcome of unstopped domestic violence is death.
Thanks Nina.
Hope you have a great Mother's Day.
Juan, I don't blame you for kicking the shit out of that guy! Once he knew that she had someone to take up for her, he probably ran with his tail between his legs!
Carl, don't apologize for expressing your feelings! There are so many women who die from physical abuse! I applaud you for standing up to this kind of slime!
Marilyn, you hit the nail on the head when you said "So often, the one being abused is more afraid of the consequences of leaving than of the beatings!"
I think that women feel like they heve to take it so that they will have a place to live, food to eat, etc... If a woman has been beat down mentally too, which is usually the case, she doesn't have the confidence to leave! I pray the women will start standing up to these men and leave them before something like this happens to them!
Linda, there are 13 counts against him and one of them is attempted murder!!!
Fortune, what you say is so very true, "Do what ever it takes to encourage loved ones to speak up ..." Please, everyone do this! Theresa is in a vegetative state FOREVER!
I wish that I could respond to each of you individually (I'm a bit under the weather!) but to all of you survivors, thank you for speaking up and telling your stories!! They are so important! Even if I can't respond to them all, I assure you that I have read them all!! My heart goes out to all of you who have been through this! I am so sorry! And to all of the you who expressed your love, concern and prayers, thank you so very much!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Many blessings!
Thank you so much for posting Theresa's story. I'm so sorry that she could not be helped before this tragedy occurred. This is such a painful story. Unfortunately, because abusers tend to control and isolate their victims, it's often hard for us to reach out, even when we suspect something is wrong.
As a domestic violence survivor, I occasionally see signs of abuse in relationships of friends and co-workers. It's such a challenge to know when and how to intervene. Maybe the best that we can do sometimes is just to take the extra step to reach out and let our loved ones know that we are there for them. So many abused individuals feel isolated and alone.
The other key is to share our stories and educate people. Thank you for sharing Theresa's story with us. She is a beautiful woman and I will keep her family and yours in my prayers, as well.
Society as a whole is going to have to do something more serious to address the epidemic of domestic violence. Here last week, a woman, mom and two children injured. Her father is still in critical condition. The second restraining order "just set the husband off" was what the media said. This husband had been "set off" by many things in the past. He shouldn't have been free in society to get a restraining order.
I wish all the best for this young woman and I hope your family can get justice!
I hope that the DA will be able to prove the case against the abuser and his supporters. I will be thinking of your loved one and her children as I say my prayers tonight. And always. And for all those who are living this kind of life. No woman deserves it.
Also, thanks for sharing this story with us all because it gave me a chance to speak about my past life as a victim. I am a lucky one to get out alive, and it breaks my heart to know that a lot of people don't escape.
Gather has been such a great place for me to just be myself and because of that, I am healing.
I'm a surviver too.
I have noticed that when anyone has troubles or is in crisis, Gather friends open their arms and surround you! You all have done this for me upon many occasion, and I appreciate it so very much!
10 4 u
What is so sad is that Theresa doesn't even know that she has children! The photo above I took the last time that I saw her! This really breaks my heart so much!
David you are correct! This must be stopped! No one should ever go through this! EVER!
Thank you all for your comments!
My nephew is on the opposite side of this!!!! He is the one being abused by his common law wife. She's tried to run him over with her car, hit him, tried to strangle him on numerous ocassions, and has even threatened his life!!! My sister has tried to talk to him till she's blue in the face, but he, shockingly, won't leave her!!!! I worry about their 4 children because if she capable of this type of behavior with him, she is capable of the same with those precious kids!!!!!!
Anyway, I find it so sad that your cousins' kids had to be without their Mom for Mother's Day. I know they must've missed her terribly!!!! Don't worry, Nina, God is watching and these people who hurt her will have to answer to Him, someday.
I am praying for those children...they will be affected worst of all out of all this....I truely wish woman would not stay in bad situations like that.
Keep talking for her Nina - everyone has to know that this could happen to anyone. My prayers are with your family. Salud.
Nina, Cassandra is right. She's beautiful and I'm sure her soul is as beautiful as the outer appearance in the photo. Thank you for posting this. Positive thoughts to her, you, and the family. I hope the justice system makes those responsible pay for what they've done.
sharing the light,
Miss Erica Hidvegi
There will be an update very soon!! I am spending time with my cousin Karen, who is Theresa's mother.