Updating Shakespeare

Just for fun, I've been rewriting Shakespeare's "Shall I Compare Thee to A Summer's Day."

Here's his version:

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Here's mine:

You sorta make me think of a summer's day.
You're hot like one, but not as sweaty.
We get a lot of rains and storms in May,
And summer days shred just like confetti:
Sometimes the sun is just too doggoned hot,
And many times it doesn't even shine,
And fair-skinned girls get more sun than they thought,
And then their skin doesn't look so fine
As they get old and their skin gets taut.
But you will ever be my summer dream
And your skin will be as clear, unlined and fair;
And you'll never look like Death is on the scene
Even when you are old and sagging here and there.
As long as people live and they can see
They'll read this poem and that's the way you'll be.

His is more elegant, but mine is clearer, I think:)