Just in Time

I met a man awhile back,

promised life to be better.

If you knew the life we had, you would ask,

"Whats the matter, you?

Nothings the matter. I would reply.

You really should meet this guy.

Many years and much abuse

he put that partying down,

I, also gave up the crown.

Many battles we had fought,

some against eachother.

Those days are gone,

and we carry on.

Now we dance together.

Comments: 15

Alison Pearce Jun 26, 2007, 12:51am EDT

Fabulous!

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tammy b. Jun 26, 2007, 1:19am EDT

thank you Alison

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Austin Cushing Jun 26, 2007, 2:30pm EDT

Hmmm - the punctuation is a bit sketchy, but the poem itself is excellent.

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tammy b. Jun 26, 2007, 2:55pm EDT

Yep, I see it now. Sorry about that. Not my strong point. I will work on that. Thanks Austin

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Elsie Duggan Jun 27, 2007, 1:02am EDT

I think this is great Tammy, working things out is always a triumph. Lovely poem, so well done.

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Elsie Duggan Jun 27, 2007, 7:05pm EDT

Thanks for comment on my poem today Tammy, much appreciated.

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Elsie Duggan Jun 29, 2007, 1:28am EDT

Thanks for your comment again Tammy, I am sorry I can't give you points but you need to put a picture up or something so I can or write another wonderful poem.

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Marvel S. Jun 29, 2007, 7:59pm EDT

That is a verry moving poem Tammy! Wonderful!

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tammy b. Jun 30, 2007, 12:13am EDT

thanks every one.

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Peter Joseph Swanson Jun 30, 2007, 6:32pm EDT

Dance on! 10!

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Elsie Duggan Jul 1, 2007, 2:47am EDT

I hope you are very happy Tammy, thanks for your comments once again. Much appreciated.

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William Dotani Jul 1, 2007, 11:06am EDT

A bit choppy, but you tell the story well. I think this could be a much better poem if lengthened with more details in your timeline of feelings and events. I'd like to see it in stanza form with a touch of metaphor.

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mark l. Jul 6, 2007, 6:07pm EDT

I think we can get the general feeling you are reaching for with this poem. I think when you use the line "If you knew the life we had" then you need to tell us a bit more about that life. I think you have the start of something with this poem but I think you have more story to tell--if you're willing. Good effort!

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tammy b. Jul 8, 2007, 10:11am EDT

thought about it mark-the poem itself was a brief sigh of relief. The life-sometimes comical, but embarrassing.

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Comments: 15

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