And, I’m not talking about the 4th of July…….
As kids reach middle school and high school, they want increasing amounts of independence: to go out with friends alone, go on sleepovers, and eventually have their own cars. This can be scary for a parent who already has so many concerns about kids at this age, such as drug and cough medicine abuse. As the mom of a pre-teen daughter, negative and even dangerous influences outside my home are some of my more serious concerns.
I would love it if you would share your thoughts with me and the other Five Moms about how you balance letting your children have independence while protecting them from negative experiences such as drugs and cough medicine abuse. We can all learn from each other, so I hope you’ll take a moment to share with us how you are talking to your children about cough medicine abuse and monitoring their web site usage.
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Comments: 4
I have a 17 yr old daughter...sweet as can be, no problem at all.
I also have a 11 yr old daughter and a 9 yr old son...
all the the other 3 are angels.
Hello Mrs. Bermant
I would point out that you have to be the boss. Many parents try to be their children's friend and that simply does not work. You have to accept their dislike when you don't give them what they want. Don't stand for disrespect, you deserve better! Insist upon respect above all.
Always meet the parents of the people who associate with your daughter . Kids also don't have any right to privacy. Check their computers for dangerous material.
A friend of mine had an incident happen that is shown on television many times. His daughter charged into her room and slammed the door, locked it and would not come out. The next day Dad took the door off the hinges and garaged it. She did get the point and later got the door back. I tell you this because you are the person that they lean on, if you are not strong they will collapse. Also, note that Dad did not lose his cool!
As a teacher, I have watched parents take their children's word when they made a failing score on a test, then excused the grade by saying that the test was not anounced. Some would claim that certain things weren't covered in class. In each class, they knew better and were simply trying to escape the consequences. I refused to change grades because I knew all too well that I had announced and covered everything and could prove it. The parent still wanted their little girl or boy to have the grade they wanted. They didn't get it. I was not popular. Which may say a lot about popular teachers.
My point is that when you take care of the present happiness of the kid and don't think of the future, you ruin their future. They are unwise and immature. What is that parent's excuse?
Russ the Professor,
bbos@gather.com
I had one incident with my oldest when he was about 13 where he was very disrespectful and as he called me a naughty name I could see all over his face the attitude, "What are you going to do about it? You have no options!" (I'm a single mother and he figured he had me cornered.) I called Youth Detention and they took him. About an hour later he apologize in tears and begged to be allowed to come home. He came and we've never had anything even close to that again. There have been times when he wasn't happy with me, but he has always known I had options, and he handled himself very differently.
While we have anything but a perfect home, I think my kids would make 'the right' decision by their own choice, so while I'm alert and very aware-- I don't worry too much. I talk openly and frequently with them and more often than not I stand in amazement at what incredible choices they are making!