by Naomi O.
Member since:
August 24, 2007

She hates me!!

November 25, 2008 08:13 PM EST
views: 145 | comments: 50

It is so hard to hear her say she hates me. 

What do you do when you children tell you they hate you?  I cry.... lol

Its not often, but she does tell me she hates me more than I would like to hear.  She also tells me that she wants to live with other family memebers.

I am not a strict parent.  I am not unreasonable.  All her friends tell her she is lucky.  But she still says it. 

The next day she has regret and takes it back.  But she makes the night she is telling me this hell. 

Tips, tips please.

My family all tells me I she is just being a teen.  That if the worst thing she does is smart mouth me and tell me she hates me then I should be happy.  "At least she isn't doing drug and having sex."  I don't agree.  I never treated my mom the way she treats me :(

link to this page
Bookmark this post:
Facebook
Twitter
Delicious
Buzz
More

Comments: 50

I tell my children that it hurts me to hear that, because I love them very much, and their response is very hurtful. I also tell them that they have to remember that when they say something hurtful, they need to think about how they would feel if someone said it back to them.

I do it quietly, and then tell them to sit in their rooms and think about it, and when they come to a decision about how they want me to respond to those words, they can come and tell me.
APE 131313 Nov 25, 2008, 8:26pm EST
The 3 worst times in a womans life? When she is 13, when her daughter is 13 and when her grand daughter is 13. Rites of passage.................don't sweat IT and don't over react!

20 FREE comments cause ya sound like a nice person AND it's Thanksgiving!
Naomi O. Nov 25, 2008, 8:37pm EST
You are so right Ape. But my daughter just turned 15. :(
Karen A. Nov 25, 2008, 8:52pm EST
I tell them how it disappoints me to hear that, and that I still love them, even if we don't always agree on things. I don't take it personally. I've gone through the same thing with each of my 3 kids, and they do grow out of this. It's definitely a rite of passage.
.* Sandi * Nov 25, 2008, 9:09pm EST
she knows it hurts so she will do it more
and maybe you can explains words once spoken, cant be taken back so easy
sorry doesnt always heal the heart pain
j - Frugal Mom - r. Nov 25, 2008, 9:09pm EST
My son said this ones, and yes it definitely hurts no matter how old they are.
J R B. Nov 25, 2008, 9:21pm EST
Oh yes, I remember. My son screamed at me, "I Hate You". I told him to sit down, when he calmed down I talked with him. He wanted to join a dance class and be on TV. We lived way out in the country and I would have to check the dance group out and see about transportation if it was all right with his father.
Karen M. Nov 25, 2008, 9:23pm EST
My parents were wonderful and NEVER abusive in anyway, but had I EVER said that to my mother as a teenager, I would have found myself on my butt....My father was not one for disrespecting my mother....As a younger child, there still would have been serious consequences....I am sorry as it must hurt
Joe T. Nov 25, 2008, 9:30pm EST
Of course, it is hurtful. Your daughter will outgrow this. It is hard to grow up. When you have a calmer moment - you might tell her how much it hurts you. You might also ask her to stick to the issues rather than to find fault with you or others. Then give her a hug and tell her how much you love her.
Sue D. Nov 26, 2008, 12:10am EST
I tell my children that it is not my job to make them like me or be their friend. It is my job to be their parent, and sometimes they will hate me. I know that they do not really hate me, but hate the rules that are being enforced. They mean to hurt you with these words. I try not to react to the words, but it still hurts to hear it.
Naomi O. Nov 26, 2008, 11:28am EST
OMG Sue D. I say the same thing. lol It's still so hard to hear.

Thank you everyone for your support!
Maria W. Nov 26, 2008, 12:32pm EST
When my kids used to tell "I hate you", i would sit them down, give them a hug and tell them "but I still love you". That really got them to thinking. They all say that at one time or another.
Kat W. Nov 26, 2008, 1:34pm EST
I have a 15 yo daughter too! When she tells me she hates me I tell her good, then I'm doing my job correctly. She will usually come and apologize to me later. It is another ploy they use to try and get their way. Teenagers are h***but the end results are worth it.
Nellie (The Bad Santa of Gather) Nov 26, 2008, 1:39pm EST
It is hurtful and sometimes if you sit down with them and explain that words hurt more than they understand, sometimes it works....but not always. The I want to leave, I hear All the time from my son. Even though he is 19, his social skills/emotional ability is that of a 15/16 yr old. (he has bi-polar and OCD), and is always tellling me how mean I am, how he hates me and his dad and he wants to move out. After hearing that for a week straight, I finally got ticked off, and said fine, theres the door, let me help you pack. He just stopped, mouth dropped open and almost started to cry. He was shooked that he thought I was actually going to put his lt butt out the door. So far, I haven't heard that comment for awhile, so maybe the shock work?
.* Sandi * Nov 26, 2008, 10:45pm EST
thanks you for posting to commentsneeded.gather.com
Glitter Graphics

Thanksgiving Glitters
DIANE D. Nov 27, 2008, 12:49am EST
My daughter used to always tell me that when she was in her teens, now we are very close. Hang in there, she will grow up fast, too fast~
DIANE D. Nov 27, 2008, 12:50am EST
a ten I send
sarah g. Nov 27, 2008, 1:02am EST
I don't really know. My kids don't tell me that..yet. I never ever told my mother that. I would just be calm about it though. If you fly off the handle, I am thinking that won't help the situation. good luck to you...
Nancy L. Nov 29, 2008, 11:32am EST
She doesn't hate you. She says it because she knows it hurts you, and with angry teenage girls, that is the goal- to lash out, to vent. And she got your attention, didn't she?

I tell my daughter "I'm sorry to hear that" and walk away. Don't let her engage you in an argument. She'll cool down sooner if you walk away. It is an unfortunate part of the "separation" process, and all teenagers don't exhibit this behavior, but many do. Some of it is hormonal behavior.

I draw the line at name-calling or cursing; those things are not acceptable, and are punishable by losing an Ipod or computer access for several days. Amazingly, this seems to discourage those behaviors.

All kids, even teenagers, want and need boundaries. It's how they judge whether they're truly loved and how they know their role in the family. They want total independence, but they also realize they're not ready for it just yet.
gan macen Nov 30, 2008, 1:22pm EST
I know it hurts. It seems to me that it's part of a power move, but once it's out there my daughter doesn't seem so pleased with it. If I don't engage she leaves stormily & often will come sweetly back wherever I am. She'll be 14 next week & it is like a split personality sometimes. I no longer let it show that she can hurt me & mostly I feel for her, the hormonal war inside that she still doesn't really understand. These aren't the pretty years, but hang in there. I do agree with Nancy about the boundaries...wise mama.
Amy C. Dec 1, 2008, 1:30pm EST
First I would tell them that is not nice! My youngest son said it once and only once.I told him how it was wrong and why it was wrong. I try to teach my children to love our family.
It hurts when they say it, but you have to realize that kids do not think sometimes and they say things out of frustration or confusion.
Cecilia Lyne Dec 4, 2008, 8:51am EST
**Hugs** That must be hard to hear I have not experienced that yet. I hate to say it I was really mouthy to my mom as a teen.
Cecilia Lyne Dec 4, 2008, 8:51am EST
paying it forward
Netty B. Dec 4, 2008, 5:51pm EST
Glitter Creator - http://www.glittertextlive.com

buy harry potter books
Netty B. Dec 4, 2008, 5:51pm EST
you ignore it because you know she really loves you
Elizabeth S. Dec 4, 2008, 8:45pm EST
I was spoiled by having a wise before his time son first. When my daughter told her brother she hated him, I let her know in no uncertain terms that she was never to say that again. If she was angry, she could voice that, but since we all knew that she didn't hate him, it was just a hurtful lie. I think she only tried it once more.
However, one of her friends had those kinds of battles all the time. When you let someone know how much their words hurt you, they have a power to use over you. When you cry, she feels powerful, if only for the moment. At 15 she should be responsive to the first post. Since this is something she's done for years, it may take a while to get her to stop, but be firm.
Shaunee C. Dec 4, 2008, 9:24pm EST
I think she is proberly saying it because she is upset. My neice is that way.
Shaunee C. Dec 4, 2008, 9:24pm EST
Pay it forward
Carol V. Dec 4, 2008, 10:30pm EST
Good luck

Paying it forward
Kimberly Ripley Dec 4, 2008, 10:40pm EST
It is absolutely heartbreaking. As the mother of five I've been through it. No one can hurt you the way your children can. Just keep in mind they love you. They are in turmoil they simply can't comprehend and lashing out is their only form of communication. I survived it. You will, too!

Paying it forward!
B.B. B. Dec 5, 2008, 1:07am EST
i am sorry this is happening. i can not give you to much advice, i have a 2year old.
B.B. B. Dec 5, 2008, 1:08am EST
~paying it forward~
Megan R. Dec 5, 2008, 6:35am EST
I'm so not looking forward to the teen years.
Paying it forward.
Donald M. Dec 5, 2008, 11:42am EST
Teens never hate the parents that let them do anything they want. As others have said. Every teen hates anyone that sets rules at this age. Just tell them that you love them and hope that one day they will love you too.
Donald M. Dec 5, 2008, 11:42am EST
Pay it foward.
Karen L. Dec 5, 2008, 12:44pm EST
I went through this with my stepdaughter. That was 6 years ago, We get along just fine now and she is 17 and much more mature. I think they say it through frustration mostly.
Paying it forward
♥♥LoViNg♥LiFe♥ ♥♥ Dec 5, 2008, 1:24pm EST
i cant give you any advice. My teenage daughter has never said that to me. But them she never even talks back to me.
Maybe your daughter is just going through a rough time. it is hard being a teen you know
just be patient with her and talk to her about the way she treats you. and how it hurts you
♥♥LoViNg♥LiFe♥ ♥♥ Dec 5, 2008, 1:25pm EST
CHRISTmas points for you!
***PAY IT FORWARD***
I wish I could tell you something to help you out. I would hate that feeling too if my kids ever told me they hated me.
~*~Paying It Forward~*~
Elizabeth S. Dec 5, 2008, 5:20pm EST
Hope your daughter watched "Grey's Anatomy" last night. One of the story lines was about a pair of teenage sisters who were fighting. One of the things they were saying to each other was "I hate you." The last thing one sister said to the other was hateful. The very last thing.
Renita P. Dec 6, 2008, 9:35pm EST
Mine are 4 & 7 and neither has said it...... yet... I'm sure the day will come. Hang in there. You know they don't mean it.
Paying it forward for 12/5/08
Nora Davenport Dec 6, 2008, 9:41pm EST
The teen years are horrible.....I have one son, now 1, and yes, have heard those words before.....it is very, very hurtful, but, believe me, they do NOT mean it.....and it IS just a phase they're going through.....I thought I would just die when I first heard that the first time....but the pain does go away.......seemed for a long time, we'd never get through the teen years, but we did....thank God!!!!!
Chelle M. Dec 6, 2008, 11:36pm EST
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!
Naomi O. Dec 9, 2008, 12:59pm EST
Thank you everyone for your support. She is a good girl. But still she says it. I know she doesn't mean it. Recently she changed it to "I hate you right now." lol I guess she figured out she doesn't always hate me. It still sucks to hear. I have now noticed it gets worse at one particular time of the month. So I am trying not to take it personal. She probably hates EVERYONE at that time. lol
Nancy O. Dec 17, 2008, 1:32pm EST
sweetie every time you let her know it bugs you when she says it, you are giving her power ....she knows exactly what to say and when to say it . I know it hurts to hear the words but as I keep telling you she DOES not mean them and in your heart you know she doesn't , but it does work ....she is able to manipulate you through making you feel bad. Sometimes it is better to ignor her words completely. maybe chant in your head " she doesn't mean it , she doesn't mean it " over and over so your chanting in your head over powers what she is saying and then the words she says won't have the power because you won't be listening to her only what you are chanting .....remember to do it silently because she will know what you are doing and change HER tactic ....trust me she will adapt if what she is doing doesn't seem to be working but as long as you are doing it in your head it will take her a while to figure it out !!!!!!!
Nancy O. Dec 17, 2008, 1:34pm EST
hang in there.....15 is only one year long and it will get better ok love you
debra g. Dec 18, 2008, 10:52pm EST
Oh heck I'm so mean!This is what I did and mine was 16 at the time!So you hate me?Fine!But you will respect me!I guess it was a easier time to raise children 20 years ago.When they are little they step on your toes,when they think that they are grow they step on your heart.So much to do So little time Alot to do and comments too.
Have a great gather day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glitter Graphics

Christmas Glitter Graphics
Lisa B. Dec 22, 2008, 7:30pm EST
i'm so sorry:(
My 12 year old son has been doing stuff like this too.
I don't know what to do too much of the time with him.

Join the Conversation
Chime in! Become a Gather member to comment.
Already a member? Sign in
top
 
Gather | Friends | Groups | Share
About Gather | Engagement Marketing | Make New Friends | Gather Points | Advertise on Gather | Gather Press | Privacy | Terms of Service | Community Guidelines
Books | Celebs | Entertainment | Family | Food | Health | Moms | Money | News | Politics | Spirituality | Sports | Travel | Writing
Version 16961, "Pacino"; Copyright © 2009 Gather Inc. All rights reserved.