Those Unpredictable Emotions

Dr. Eckler's article on depression is an important one that's worth reading, especially if you are feeling anxious or sad about your pregnancy. There's been some increased media attention to postpartum depression (PPD) in recent years, thanks to Brooke Shields (and Tom Cruise's ridiculous assertation on the Today show that women should not take prescription drugs to manage their condition...who knew he was a doctor?).

There's been little attention, however, to women who are dealing with antepartum depression, which occurs during pregnancy. A couple of weeks ago, writer Jody Santos chronicled her own battle with antedepression in The Boston Globe Magazine. In a touching and deeply personal article titled "The Pregnancy Taboo," Santos recounts her feelings of darkness as she lived in fear that something would happen to the baby growing inside her. For several months she suffered in silence, telling no one about her feelings.

Even those of us who are having normal pregnancies can experience unpredictable or uncontrollable emotions. I suspected I was pregnant the first time when I was called into a meeting with my boss to discuss our upcoming programming schedule. I worked for a television news series, and our schedule was subject to change on a regular basis. It was not uncommon for the executive producers to pull a program that wasn't ready and replace it with something else.

On this particular day, about three months after 9/11, my boss called me in to say the program I had been promoting for the past several months was being pulled, and replaced with a program about Al Qaeda. Simple. Straightforward. I knew what to do. But as I sat in his office, I could feel my throat tighten and tears welling up in my eyes.

It was then I knew, instinctively, that I was pregnant. I quickly excused myself by saying, "Well, I better get to work," and flew out of his office as fast as my legs could carry me. The last thing I wanted was to cry in my boss' office.

The next day I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.

The unpredictable emotions continued throughout my pregnancy. Sad songs on the radio would make me cry. Movies, too. Pictures of cute babies in magazines, they could trigger a tear or two. It wasn't like I was crying all the time or anything, but I was definitely more emotional than normal. I attributed it to all those raging hormones and exhaustion, especially during the first trimester. After all, I reasoned, it's hard to be on top of your game if you're feeling worn out.

If you're concerned that your emotions are getting the best of you, and you don't quite feel right, be sure to mention it to your doctor. It's better to err on the side of caution than dismiss signs of something more serious. 

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