Why are there Bridges and Paths in My Photos?

Earlier today, I received an email from Ann at Gather, who wanted to know why I have a fascination for bridges and paths. Ann wrote so much more that was very complimentary but I am going to address the bridges and paths aspects in this essay.

I had an interesting childhood which is to say that I grew up in a dysfunctional home which has left its impressions on me for life. Many people go through awful events in their life and survive, but how do they survive? For me it was getting in touch with nature. I did not purposely go out to the woods; I was driven to the woods .and the quiet. My parent's house was not quiet; it was filled with rage and violence. The quiet of the woods surrounding my house salved my injured soul. I could think while walking the paths without ridicule from the ones who were suppose to nurture me.

No tree called me stupid, no bird hit me or kicked me, I was safe in the woods.

During my teen years I wrote poetry, it was a release for what was going on in my life. My Mother would sneak into my bedroom when I was away and read my poetry. After I would come home she would quiz me on what I wrote. She told me I was wrong, my feelings were wrong, and how could I write these things that disturbed her. Sadly, no matter how hard I tried to hide my work, she would find it and then it was back to "how dare you conversation". I gave up writing, recently I have done a little, but I still get this feeling of doom, intrusion, and not good enough feeling when I write.

Recently, I have been going through my own life crisis, and I am again driven back to the woods. Watching nature takes me out of my reality and places me in the cathedral of the universe. I watch as trees fall, new trees grow. The changing of the leaves, the sounds of the birds making it through their life cycle quiets my mind. I captured these events on film and share them with my friends and strangers.

When I was younger; I met a beautiful man at my job who introduced me to photography. I took up photography to get closer to him I bought a 35 mm camera in the days of film, to impress my beautiful man and he started to teach me how to use it.. But, the photography bug quickly took a hold of me. I started to capture images that made me realize that I had an eye. Previous to doing photography I had no purpose in my life. I lived an emotional chaotic life that almost killed me many times over. I am thinking that has to do with low self-esteem.

When I started to show my images to friends and the beautiful man I got accolades that I never received before. I soon fell in love with this beautiful man and he with me.

 My beautiful man was a photographer by hobby, however his work was fantastic and I learned so much. Black and white as the medium of choice appealed to me. His was color, and his eye was for the beauty of nature was awesome. During our photo sessions we wandered the woods of New England capturing nature and old barns. We both had an affinity for the ocean and beaches so when we were not working, we were off to any numerous beautiful places in the area

Unfortunately I learned how relationships can fall apart too. After my relationship ended with this man, my heart was shattered. I no longer could walk the paths and bridges with out the heart wrenching memories of what I once had with the beautiful man. So, I left New England in search for a different life with my camera. I took photos across the United States and landed in California.

For many reasons, that many people will recognize as part of raising a family I lost touch with my camera and my soul.

Fast forward twenty years later; I married a man that did a lot of photography. When I decided to get back into it again, it was the digital age. I had to relearn everything and so much more. When life was over with my second husband, I left the West Coast and headed back to my childhood home. Here I gained so much inspiration from walking through the woods that I have graduated from the most basic digital camera to semi pro digital cameras that I love so much.

So you are now wondering what happened to the bridges and paths, I am getting to that on my meandering paths of my mind, my life. I take to the woods when life gets to be too much. Hence, the bridges and paths are representative of my decisions in my life. Which way to go, what path to take, what bridge to cross and what will be the outcome.

From my meanderings I have learned that there is no one right path and no bridge too hard to cross. In the here and now aspect of nature, you begin to realize that there is only the quiet that can heal the woes. When upset, I hanker for the footpaths of my childhood and there I take away the wisdom of nature. In nature there is evidence of cruelty in nature that everyday there is evidence. Yet the birds still fly, the bees still pollinate, the river still flows. The river has rocks and debris through out and yet the water still flows and so with life.

The rocks in my life are at this moment trying to damn my flow, and so everyday I head out to the woods looking for the energy force to keep going. In finding a path to lead me to the happiness that eludes me at every stage of my life I keep walking. Without this option of putting one foot in front of the other and no straight lines in the woods I would be lost. Yet I am not directionally driven by my walks. I have been lost before in the woods as well as life, but I don't want to be lost anymore. No GPS to guide me through the woods and my life. I only go forward confident that soon I will follow a path that will lead me to my destination; my purpose. I take my camera and shoot what I see; I shoot the beauty that impresses me visually. I don't worry what anyone else sees, I worry only that I am getting an image that represents what I see. If I don't get the image I want the first time I go back and do it again and again till I get what want. Much like life we repeat what we do until we get what we want. This is my path, and my bridges are my life.

Thank you for joining me on my random musings of why I take captures of bridges and paths. I hope that it will lead others to investigate their own journeys. And, though it may sound like I am unhappy, I really am not, just a little sad, a little worn, but a little wiser today.

As far as the beautiful man, he too lost his way from photography and has not found his way back.However, he is still my muse and I thank him for that!

I would also like to thank my best friend, Santos who I would not walk in some of the places I go without him.