So what does being active in my church mean to me? For starters, it's the church that I was raised in. It's teachings helped to shape who I am. For obvious reasons, that are parts of the docrtrine trouble me ( I'll come back to this ). Being active in the church keeps me busy. Sometimes, it's a struggle to sit through the three hour block of meetings. I try to get something out of it and I usually do.
I've been in the church since my birth. I was baptized at age eight. I've advanced from primary ( youth sunday school ) and young men's. Again, there were struggles. I struggled with porn and masturbation. I've suffered from bouts of depression. I even attempted to get married. Luckily, she backed out. The basic teachings have helped shape my core.
My core has been shaped at church and continues to be shaped by those around me and at church. I believe that family shoudl be the focus of our lives, however I don't agree with the church's narrow view of what a family should be. I'm all for the idea of men and women getting married, but I feel that I should be able to get married if I choose. I don't think traditional marriage is in my future. I believe in monogamy. I would never consider cheating on a boyfriend nor would I allow myself to be with someone who is already in a relationship. We are told to love our neighbors. I wonder how we as church members are doing on that score. Myself, I have a few neighbors that I don't care for but I don't hate anyone. We are taught to be honest in all things. It's not something I'm good at one hundred percent of the time but I do a pretty good of it.
Being gay is the number one reason for the conflict that I feel inside of me. The men in the church or maybe I should say the people in the church don't understand us at least it doesn't feel that way to me. In the church I couldn't be with the man that I love at least not the way that a man and woman can be together. Maybe, I don't need to be with him for eternity but if I truly love him than it's something I would want. I dream of a day when maybe I can love him and have the church be okay with it. I just don't see it happening. I love being at church on most days.
I love being at church and I love being able to serve people. I've had a few callings in my years at church. I've never refused a calling at church. I could have but I feel better this way. I've always tried my best at them. Sure I've been frustrated with it. Any way, it's late so I am going to head out.
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Comments: 3
Check out my books on this topic.....will send you copies if you can't afford them ...best regards,
patrick
:-)
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Wow, Bent.....I go away for a few months, and find you still "at it"...... stirring the proverbial pot (pun intended ;-)
Poor Rev. Gilman wants us all to still love him, even as he spews hate.....God bless your soul, sir :-o
Dan hides, barely, internalized homo-phobia (for those not conversant with this term, it means being fearful of being gay himself). Tho, Dan does make a good point....sexual predators. Certainly not all gay men are predators; nor are str8 guys.....all men, generally are a bit over-sexed (uggh, thats why species rec-create. That is make babies, and have lots of sex for fun). God/nature made it fun/feel good, so we would "go forth and prosper/multiply" . BUT, when that urge is suppressed for silly victorian attitudes, some guys get weird....desperation isn't pretty in anyone, eh? This results in weird proclivities in any population of people (str8, gay, country, society). If we just treated sex like eating, drinking, and breathing air (like it really is about), then we would have non-issue (except for the small percentage of mental folks.....that do all sorts of bad things to others). Putting gays into that group by default, Rev. Gilman is unfair, ignorant, and very damaging to those people. "Hate the sin, and love the sinner" is 150% B.S./mindf*ck. Get off the moral high horse, dude.
Back to Dan.....he has a point. And Dan, I suggest that you face down those trolls that made you feel harassed. "Just say no" applies to sex as well as drugs. And, saying: "Hey pathetic a**swipe; go get a life, or go to jail" works well on lecherous men....both old gay men, and Baptists who seem to molest lots of young girls. Its a problem of human nature, not orientation.
As for adoption......anyone who is willing to give a loving home to a child should be able too. So many kids live horrible lives; cuz their selfish parents can't/won't give them a emotionally safe upbringing. I know this 1st hand, cuz I raised 4 kids openly gay; and guess what? Most of my kids friends nearly lived at my house, cuz their self-absorbed parents (in a wealthy suburb of Atlanta) didn't care about them. I raised more than 4 kids......try about 100, to varying degrees.
Kitty, I sooo "get" your thing about evil and good.....ever watch the movie "Constantine?"....great flick, and very telling/accurate. BUT, and here is the big butt, sweetheart, you are seeing evil in all the wrong places. Look to the hypocrites who pretend good, then do evil deeds.....not those who are being painfully honest, and getting derision in return for their efforts. Better the devil you know, not the one you don't know, right? So if we are devils....we are honest ones; brave ones, and ones who stand up for lots of downtrodden peoples. This is a good thing to teach children, I think. Character.
As for the whole issue of ho-mo-SEX-u-AL-it-y? Its mostly about people's fear of intimate sexual relations. Many people can't even tell their spouses what they like in the bedroom, much less 'talk' about it publicly. When we talk about queers, the mouth is moving, but the mind is going straight to visualizing the act/acts. Then, its easy to come up with horrific words to describe people, eh? Try doing this when thinking of a 70 yr old rich guy, and a 18 year old girl....visualize, then describe in words, what that guy looks like and what he is doing. Its legal, eh? but pretty disgusting...on many levels.
So, get over the sex, ok? Then life in many aspects will get better. People will stop eating themselves into obesity for lack of human touch and oral fixation (I think they call that one of the 7 deadly sins, right? Sloth?) Violent sex acts.....where men, and women, visit violence on their partner during sex. Wow, that is a sickie, eh? Yet, in the show "Legends of the Seeker"...a kid's TV show about a brave young guy, he keeps getting whipped by an S&M chick. Anyone who wants violence in their sex....which should be an act of love, compassion ( the bonding of two humans that 'helps' both be more sensitive to each other; and, others later on) is a sick puppy. That is a sin.....even if they didn't think to put it in the bible. Hell, maybe its there somewhere? What say you, Rev. Gilman?
I do commend the dear ladies who have trouble understanding gay, and have commented above their caring for you Bent, et al. It isn't easy to "go there" in your mind, and still say kind things (see my difficulty in doing that yet? ;-) But, politically correct may make for civil discourse; but doesn't really throw the topic on the table for real review/discussion. Its like racism. Many people are (both black and white folks), but learn to hide it to be 'acceptable' in public. Again, the merits of that are good in that kids don't see hate flying all over; and can pretend that granny isn't a pink sheeted clanswoman (I live in the south, btw ;-). But sometimes its good to call a spade a spade, and let the cards fall as they may (that is a card term, btw....not to be confused with a slur. no joke intended)
Bottom line? Its time to get real, folks. Real honest about everything. Denial got us into this economic disaster; and denial prolongs lots of painful & hurtful behaviors. Time to stop hurting people, and just accept humans for what and who they are.....good, bad, ugly.....we all have aspects of them all. Pretending does no one any good.....it only helps the real sinners do their evil deeds in the shadows cast as a result. Use that in next week's sermon, Rev. Gilman, ok? No copyright worries with me :-)
Thanks for you articles Bent.....cya...