Am I Being Prepared For The Last Good-Bye?
August 08, 2007 09:30 PM EDT
views: 180
|
comments: 38
My Dad is 79 and has dementia; I'm his youngest child and only daughter at age 48. I don't know when the dementia started, but I started noticing it about two years ago, it seems like ninety. When I asked my Mom what's wrong with Dad, she said he's had dementia for awhile now and has been on medication. I was shocked that she didn't tell me, my parent's don't like to "bother" their children. I feel like I'm watching the same thing happen to my Dad that happened to my Grandma. It is so hard to watch someone you love just disappear. I asked my husband if this is God's way of helping us deal with the eventuality of losing a loved one. Does it make it easier to have them slip away slowly so that when they do finally leave us it's a blessing? Over the last two years I've seen my Dad slipping away farther and farther. I spent some time with my Mom and Dad last week and I was so scared when I left. My Dad was repeating things over and over again, just like Grandma would do. I couldn't take it; despair isn't even close to what I was feeling. I want my Dad back. I want to sit for hours talking on the phone like we used to do; now he just answers the phone if Mom isn't there and takes a message. I want to talk about the planets and the stars and remember how it was when he first showed me Saturn and Jupiter and its moons, just recently he gave me and my husband his awesome telescope since he can't use it anymore. I want to run over to his house and go through all his books on birds and plants with him when I find something new, but he can't remember them anymore. I would even like to have a good fight with him; we sure could go at it once in awhile. Speaking of fighting, I would love to sit with him all night and watch boxing; we always had fun watching the fights and talking about them. My Dad looks happy and he just shrugs when he can't remember, so he just sits and listens to the rest of us talk. I love both of my parents so much, but I was always Daddy's girl. I followed him everywhere. You would never find me in the kitchen with Mom (still don't like the kitchen), but I'd be right there with Dad in the garden or watching him fix something. In a way, I've excepted that the Dad I knew is gone, but I still love to see his smile and I still see him with the eyes of my youth, my Dad never ages in my mind. All I can do is hug and kiss him and tell him I love him. He's my proud Marine, basketball Navy All Star, who taught me such great love for my country; he's the Dad that taught me such great respect for nature and all its little creatures; he's the Dad that I could wake up in the middle of the night to get that mean nasty spider that was in my bedroom; he's the strength that helped hold me up when I stood before the abyss of depression; he's the handsome man that gave me away on my wedding, my knight in shining armor, my hero, my Dad. Nothing will ever prepare me for the loss of him.
Please provide details below to help Gather review this content. If it is found to be inappropriate and in violation of the
Gather Terms of Service, action will be taken.
You have successfully submitted a report for this post.
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 38
One Daddy's Girl to another, you are in my prayers!
Mary Beth, I'm so sorry about your Dad. Thanks for your prayers!
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. This isn't Gods way of helping us get over the loss. It is an awful illness that robs us of our time together. I lost my mom when I was 16 and that was really bad. Then I lost my dad to heart problems when I was in my 30's he also had dementia. Then as you know we lost Linn's mom to dementia. It is ruff and hurts a lot. You need to hang on tight to all those memories. Linn and I go through all our memories when times get tuff and we are sad or are just missing them. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Joan
My prayers are with you~
Amanda
Thanks Carla, I will remember that when I visit with him. I think I'll stop in after dropping Mom off from church on Sunday. I think he'll like that!
The tragedy was there was little room for mourning the loss of the person she had married. He looked much the same for years and few people could detect the shift within-- until the disease was much more apparent.
It is a real task to live with or care for a person with such a condition. My heart goes out to you and your mom. I truly hope she can access a support group that might help her through the situation. Bless you! CS