When I was still considering whether or not I was gay, I met another guy at my high school who was clearly acting on the gay stereotype. He pretty much defined everything about him by that one fact, that he was gay. After I finally confirmed in my mind that I liked guys, I started to think if I wanted to be like him. Lately I’ve been thinking about it and realized something. Being gay isn’t all that important to me or something that stands out about me really. Maybe it’s a generational thing or that I haven’t put up with a lot of bullying about it, but I have never been in to the whole “Gay Pride” thing. I mean, I understand how people like who they are, but defining themselves by one particular thing just seems a bit strange to me.
The fact that I am gay is about as important to me right now as the fact that my favorite color is blue. Yes, I hope someday that I’ll start dating guys and want that to be a big part of my life, but that’s just because I’ve always wanted someone to be with, but that’s just because of a slightly dependent personality that I have. If I were straight, I’d want the same kind of relationship with a girl. Being gay didn’t really change anything other than that I drool over guys rather than girls. I recently got over a crush I had on a guy with no similar interests and I didn't attribute it to me being gay. I'm sure if I was straight I would have been obsessed with a girl under the same circumstances. I’m still not the kind of person to flirt or anything like that, using the fact that I’m gay to push it forward. I'm certainly not going to start sleeping around with people just because I'm gay. If I start sleeping around, I'll do it because I want to, not because I think I need to in order to fit in to some pre-conceived niche.
Why is it that people like to identify themselves so readily or solely with being gay? Or is it just something that happens with people who are entering/entered in college, that age group? What's so special about being a 'gay' teen? I've read a good amount of the stuff in this forum and a lot of it could happen whether someone was gay or straight. I wouldn't have joined this place if it was solely a hangout for gay people. It's a place for writers who have a common interest in literature of a certain subject which I enjoy reading about, which I find more of a clinching point than the entire gay thing.
I guess this all sort of came from a conversation with a friend that mostly went around like this:
“Oh, I met this nice guy yesterday.”
“Really?”
“Ya, you would have liked him. He was gay.”
“Oh? So does he like anime or comics?”
“I don’t think so…”
“What about fiction writing?”
“He’s more in to sports.”
“So why would I have liked him?”
I dunno, I just guess I see more to a person than just their sexuality and wonder if that’s uncommon among people in their late teens (16-19). Actually, I kind of don’t care about whether people are gay or not unless it’s a guy who I think is attractive, but that’s not something I like to linger on since it’s mostly due to hormones, the bane of my existence over the last few years. I said I like to ramble, so sorry.
And hopefully I don't alienate myself by putting such a strange topic as my post here. Any thoughts on the matter?
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 31
Those stereotypes exist for a number of reasons, and people play up or down to them for a number of reasons as well. The way to combat them is for more people to be out and open with their sexuality, I think.
For me gay pride is about a number of things. I'm living in a fairly conservative area right now and it was nice to be in a place for a day where I wasn't constantly monitoring my actions and whatnot. It was also nice to see the diversity of the gay community. I don't get the chances to interact with lesbians, with older gay people, and with queer people of color as much here as I did when I lived in a city. I really enjoyed seeing folks representing the whole spectrum of who gay people are.
If you think that pride is only about feminine mannerisms, lisping, and wearing "'girlie-frilly-pastel colored' clothes" (where did that come from?) then you've bought into the same homophobic sterotypes that they feed straight people to keep gays seemingly exotic and dangerous.
"Mike is really good at math. What a nice guy. I think he's Chinese." Well ofcourse he's good a math then. "I thought you said his name was Mike?"
"Daryl is really good at math. What a nice guy. He's gay." Oh my GOD! "Daryl's gay? I just knew it. I could tell by the pastel shirts!"
Good article. You are defined by not just who you happen to be attracted to, but your interests and things you have in common with others. I did join some of the gay groups on gather and I'm not gay, but the people on there are awfully nice and that's what I tend to look for in a group - plain old nice people.
Marilyn
People tend to label each other and some people seem to take a label and make it their own. I see a lot of teens who really have to have an "image." They are Goth or Young Republicans, etc. They can't just be "them." I think part of that IS the teen thing.
What you call Gay Pride, I call "flaming." I think of Gay Pride as having respect for oneself and just being who you are. "Flaming" on the other hand are the ruffles, over-the-top costumes, etc. And, I think that is just a reaction to all the negativity directed at Gays, a love for fun, and/or a need for attention.
I have to tell you....When I read your paragraph about someone assuming you would automatically like someone because that person was gay, it reminded me of my single days after my divorce. I can't tell you how many times people assumed I would like a man because he was willing to date a woman with kids. I had that same kind of conversation: "Does he like crossword puzzles?" No. "Does he like swimming at the river?" No. "Does he like rollerskates?" No. "Why was it, again, that you thought I'd want to date him?" He doesn't mind if you have kids!
And that was supposed to make him attractive to me...that he didn't hold my kids against me. Ooohhhh. Be still my beating heart!
I figured out though, that it's the label thing. People in relationships think all singles want a relationship, so they try to help them out. It's the thought that counts, I guess.
Your article will go a long way in helping people gain more understanding and to see the silliness of the labeling system. Hope you keep up the writing!
I have no clue why people feel it so important to qualify their sexual orientation other than their insecurities make them feel as though it's a neccessity, in order for people to identify with them....Anyway like I said good article and thought-provoking question...
TJ what,s up with you ??
Is what TA says true ;-)
Sam, did you by any chance catch the SNL (or was it Mad TV?) sketch with two people in wheelchairs being introduced by friends as "perfect for each other"? The people in wheelchairs started asking why they were so perfect and the 'friends' were stumped and babbling... It was actually pretty funny - not like my telling of it - and made a great point about basing things on a single aspect of a person.
anyways thanks guys for all the thought provoking comments !!!!
i surely gained a lot of insight on the matter
thanks again
Ooooooooops sorry David i was in a hurry and practicaly submitted it to all the groups sorry again!!
sam
TJ,
Pay no mind to True American, which I know you're not.
True American,
That was an interesting comment. Any way, it was different from the material by you that I've randomly found in the past week.
By the way I'm a straight female.
I am a straight woman, but I once had a very close friendship with a gay man. To this day, I still rank him as "the salt of the earth" and the best friend I ever had.
Are we all here to judge everyone, or just to fix ourselves? I think "fixing self" would be on the top of the priority list, as some of us are more screwed up then the people we point fingers at.
The voice that says you need to identify yourself as gay is political. Gay parades in San Fransisco continue to harm the image of gays. But they expect all gays to be in everybody's face or they will make you feel as though you are betraying the gay community. I think you have the right mindset.