Changes.

So a lot is about to happen in my life now and I am scared. I can admit that.  Out of high school I got married and my husband went in the marine corps. So we lived on base and decided to start our family when I turned 20. We had decided he would work and I would stay home and raise the kids. So to make a long story short after 9 years of marriage and 4 kids later he decided to leave me and the kids last November. So I have been so lost for the last 7 months by myself. I think I have went through just about every emotion possible since then. But mostly the hardest has been the feeling of being lost. We have been in court every month and he hasn't taken the kids and it has just been an ugly divorce process so far. The kids and I have been trying to stay strong together and at times it seems we are not making it very good. If I had just known 9 years ago this would happen maybe I would have done things a lot different to be more prepared. I went right out of school and got married then had kids. I haven't had to work so at the age of 29 with 4 kids and no experience I feel like giving up. And living on child support ha! That's a joke. So I must go to work.  I was offered a very good job working in an office. I took it and I start next Tuesday. I will have to change a lot. For years I have worn pj's till whatever time I wanted sometimes all day. I do things on my time and don't need to leave the house most days. But the biggest and hardest change is leaving my kids. I have raised them and been with them everyday of their lives. I've been there for first steps, first words, and first time using a potty. Although my 3 oldest are done with all that, I have a 1 year old. I feel like I'm just ditching her. I was here with the others till it was time for school now I cant be here for her. I don't want to be gone and have someone else get to hear her say words for the first time without me. I don't want to miss her first time going in a potty.  Will she resent that I stayed home with the other kids but not her? And she is so attached to me. I just cant believe I will be away from her everyday. But I have to think if I don't do this we will be screwed! lol I have to do this for us. So here I go from stay at home mom to working mom. UGH!!  

 P. S. I don't want to forget to mention that I probably wouldn't be so ok with this if it wasn't for Faith. She will be the one watching my kids while I go to work. So I do feel a little better knowing my kids will be with someone I know and trust so I know that my kids will be taken care of. So thanks Faith for everything and for being my bestfriend and helping me through everything your the best and I love you!!