Jesus! I Give Unto Thee the Holy Bonus

“And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves. And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple; and he healed them. - Matthew 21:12-14

It takes a crapweasel with unbelievably huge balls to suggest that God thinks it’s great stuff for a CEO to make more money than - well, God.

John Varley, CEO of Barclays, the second largest British bank, recently made a speech - in church no less - defending CEOs‘ unbelievably huge pay days. In his words, “Is Christianity and banking compatible? Yes. And is Christianity and fair reward compatible? Yes.”

Um, John you should invest some of your millions in a King James, because your copy seems to have a typo. Also note that “f” word in the last sentence. “Fair” seems to be the operative word.

These CEO “come to Jesus” meetings are catching on. A few weeks back Brian Griffiths, of Goldman Sachs, defended huge income disparity this way, “The injunction of Jesus to love others as ourselves is an endorsement of self-interest. We have to tolerate the [pay] inequality as a way to achieving greater prosperity and opportunity for all.”

Loving Others?
Now correct me if I’m wrong here Brian, but there hasn’t been a flood of Crapweasel Executive Officers beating a path to their local charities to “love” some of those you’re supposed to be loving as thyself.  The number of grossly overpaid health insurance CEOs lining up to personally pay for the brain surgery needed by one of their claim-denied policy holders is somewhere around, “6 plus 3, carry the one,” um, ZERO!

In fact, there’s a compelling case that if your astronomically high salary was “achieving greater prosperity and opportunity for all” some of those in the soup line would still be in their own homes eating soup bought with their own damn money. The brain surgery victim would probably be healthy and winging stress-fractured Tom DeLay around the floor on Dancing with the Stars.

Varley and Griffiths also went on about not paying CEO’s bonuses big enough to require mountain climbing equipment would result in them taking their “talents” elsewhere.

Cough, hmmm, BULLSHIT!

First, your “talents” didn’t seem so stellar when you were tanking your companies. Perhaps they’d be better off without your help.

Second, many CEOs already jump ship - or are fired for gross incompetence - to head to new, higher-paying jobs. Your retention pay theory falls apart when an exec quits a job paying $250 million per year for one that pays $300 million. What could the money-grabbing skeeve buy with the extra $50 million they couldn’t afford before. Never mind, they could afford to buy Suriname for a cozy little tropical hideaway.

Excuuuuuse me! I forgot.

‘Hey Bishop, Wait Up!’
Finally, if executives were paid within a reasonable band of compensation, like, I dunno, their FRICKIN’ EMPLOYEES, there’d be no incentive to bail except when they screwed their companies into the ground days before the SEC investigators show up.

I’m not religious. In fact, I’m an atheist. But, people like these make me embarrassed for my religious friends. To them, breaking faith with the tennents of God is blasphemy. For me, breaking the tennents of a rational, fair, and decent human being are at about the same level of disgust.

During his lecture, sponsored by the ironically-named Christian Association of Business Executives,  Varney said, “The pursuit of profit must not come at the expense of society. We have an obligation to behave as a responsible employer.”

I couldn’t agree more. And, neither could the Bishop of the church where the money changers were busy sanctifying themselves.

“The money changers were actually selling sacrifices. It is the idea that you can buy off God,” he said. “They have a duty to be extravagantly generous because to those to whom much has been given much will be required.”  The bishop then put on his coat and hat and walked toward the cathedral exit.

“Hey Bishop! Wait up!”

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!